Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Boy I Suck

$1 isn't much of an incentive for anything, but holy cow, I had no idea I was even more insignificant than I originally assumed. That is saying quite a bit, because it would be difficult to place myself any lower on any sort of totem poll where I subjectively rank my value. Yesterday, I offered 1 free U.S. dollar to anyone who left a comment on my blog. I received six responses - 2 from my dad, two from my sister-in-law-in-law, one from my eventual mother-in-law, and one from a very loyal reader and commenter named Dan A. The only one who expressed any interest in the dollar was my future mother-in-law, and she is welcome to the riches I offered. It is a very difficult economy out there, and I thought at least someone would have some interest in taking hold of a free buck. You win, humility. I'm not too personally offended, hurt, or upset about this misadventure, but it is part of the process of humanizing me to you. Otherwise, you would think that my wit and outstanding knowledge of terrible references places me on a superhuman level well above your understanding of the human consciousness.

Speaking of Dan A., I wanted to again specially thank him for so consistently reading and commenting. He also sometimes advertises on my behalf with no particular benefit to him on Facebook and MySpace. Because of the awesome combined power of alphabetization and uncreative seating assignments, Dan's sister sat behind me in every single class for my middle school experience. It is satisfying to know that the English alphabet has landed me a supporter. When the alphabet was being invented, I recommended zqxwcevrmpnobtiuylaksjdhfg, but I lost the bid. In this instance, she probably still would have been seated behind me, but there would have been a chance that she would have been a row over. Perhaps in an effort to increase readership, I can return to middle school and have a new girl sit behind me in every class and then have her brother become a reader. Genius.

7 comments:

Jeff Caminsky said...

Well...I don't even need a dollar to leave a comment.

I do, however, enjoy your sense of humor. Knowing your dad, though, it was probably inevitable: his friends all laugh at him, ourselves.

Craig F. said...

you can't buy my comments -- I'll comment when I darn well please and will not be persuaded by your efforts to increase the size of my billfold!

Joseph Fisher said...

I would like to know more about the machine you are creating to return to middle school to increase readership.

Dan A. said...

Don't forget, Steve and I kept up the Aga./Ander. tradition in McHale's English 7/8th grade.

John said...

So how many Google ad bucks are you making off this $1 giveaway? Might I suggest solicting donations, it is less transparent.

Ken said...

While I do have Google AdSense, I think it is even more funny to say, in all seriousness, that not a single person who has ever come to this website has clicked on a single one of the advertisements. I would have thought that someone, at least by accident, would have clicked on one of these links, thereby making be 25 cents richer (I'm not even sure it's 25c because no one has done it), but no such luck. I'm always happy to solicit donations, but I'm not sure how I could justify those...maybe for my burger fund!

Nikki A said...

You know, I quite enjoyed sitting behind you in middle school. Your far superior grades always pushed my competitiveness a little bit more. It's a bit offending that you would just throw such good memories away and do it all over differently. Had I not sat behind you, I probably would have failed at middle school and ultimately at life. Michigan sarcasm at its best, folks. Anyways, all kidding aside, I'm glad my brother has become such a faithful reader of such a great blog.