Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Quiet Your Face

I spent my few rare free moments today trying to think of something biting and wise to write about Senator Shelby (as the most vocal opponent of automotive support) from Alabama. After much thought, revision, rewriting, more thought, and consulting Mad Magazine, here is what I came up with - SHUT UP SENATOR SHELBY YOU BIG STUPID IDIOT. Take that you big stupid idiot.

Listen, I don't think I claim anywhere to be objective in anything that I write. My viewpoint on most things is all kinds of biased and I am very protective about my state. I do know that there is no guarantee that loans to the auto industry will result in a completely viable business model and set them up for perpetual success. It is abundantly obvious, however, that doing nothing will have heart-breaking affects in Michigan for the remainder of my natural life. Fortunately for me, they will be able to store my conscious head in a jar like in Futurama so there is some small chance that these affects will start to wear off near the end of my unnatural life. For all of these reasons, I would like Senator Shelby to shut up his stupid face. He proudly declares in all of his public statements that "I do not want these companies to fail", but really, his big stupid face wants them to fail. It is no secret that foreign automakers have substantial operations in Alabama and they will benefit greatly if 48% of U.S. market share immediately becomes available to them (that's right, 48%. Apparently in the statement "no one wants to buy American cars", "no one" is exactly equal to 48%. That must be why I failed math in school. No I didn't. I did great in math. That must be why Senator Shelby failed math in school.)

This is a very emotional subject to people on both sides of the issue. For me, Senator Shelby is effing with my life, he's effing with my family, he's effing with friends, he's effing with the local restaurants, he's effing with millions of jobs around the country, he's effing with my ability to focus on writing about something non-automotive related, and he's effing on copyright infringement on the song "Effington" by the great Ben Folds. The song actually does exist though I don't think it's his greatest. I would respect Shelby far more as a person and not be even close to as upset if he just stood up in public and said "Look, here's the deal - these companies going down is GRRRRrrrrreat for me and I have no problem with watching them and the associated jobs go away. Furthermore, I do support sending tax dollars to public businesses when it benefits my constituents because that is exactly what we have been doing in Alabama for the last 15 years. I poop on Michigan."

Here's a website I overheard someone talking about today during a meeting and then my friend Craig directed me to it a little bit later tonight. I don't think they have anything as well thought out as my SHUT UP declaration, but that is fine. Not everyone has access to Caps Lock. Some of their "Facts" are also more like informed counterarguments, but facts can be easily manipulated, like this:

Fiction: Senator Shelby does not need to shut up his big stupid face
Fact: Senator Shelby does need to shut up his big stupid face

2 comments:

Zach said...

I don't understand what the vehement opposition to a pre-packaged bankruptcy is? It seems a fact that the Big 3 are bloated companies (certainly not alone in this). They need down downsize dramatically no matter what. This means people are going to lose jobs no matter what. This is an extremely expensive endeavor and cost prohibitive under current labor negotiations.

Wouldn't then a gvmnt-backed bankruptcy that allowed these companies to restructure these burdensome labor agreements be the best way to do this???

I also do not buy the fact that people will not buy a car from a company going through bankruptcy... says who?!?! If its a government backed bankruptcy they will actually have a real chance at becoming profitable again and exiting in 5 years; and if they get the bailout they still might fail! Besides... as a domestically mature industry (obviously not so abroad) shouldn't then the ultimate goal of an auto-company to then be to increase market share??? People may be more inclined want to "buy American" if they didn't feel they were giving money to pay for "health care for retired peoples not yet eligible for medicare"... yes Gettlefinger actually said that incredibly arrogant and offensive remark. I also have heard many people say that they will NOT buy from the big 3 if they DO get a bailout.

So I look at a pre-packaged bankruptcy and see it as the best way to make these companies competitive and successful... and this the best way for michigan's economy to get better.

Also... during the 1970s/80 the lower foreign labor costs destroyed the entire steel industry of Pittsburgh and the city itself lost over half of its population. Obviously extremely painful period... yet today the city is cleaner, nicer, better!, affordable and doing great in different areas like robotics and healthcare. I don't think most Pittsburghers look back and wish we had bailed out the steel industry. So, while change is painful; its inevitable and who can be for the best. Its also becoming a truth that the only form of job, and thus economic, security is education. Manufacturing jobs are fleeting everywhere, and without an education you are kind of just relegated to the service industry.

Touchy issue/times... hope nothing offended you here, as I was not trying to.

Jeff Caminsky said...

Another precinct heard from....

From my perspective, the problem isn't the fact of government backing, it's all the baggage that this kind of "backing" will carry along with it. We've already seen how helpful the government has been to our financial institutions, with the "backing" they gave to Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac; I suspect that they would offer similar kinds of help to the domestic car industry.

It's said that an elephant is a mouse, designed to government specfications. I shudder to think what a car designed to please Congress, or a Czar answerable to Congress, would look like.

If I recall correctly, the peasants killed the last Czar...or, at least, stood by cheering while thugs promising them paradise did the actual dirty work. I'm not sure things will wind up much differently, in our out of bankruptcy, if we let Congress appoint the next one.