Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Why Heroes is a Jerk

I'm 2/3 of the way through the 2 hour season premier of Heroes, and I am compelled to step outside of my Michigan wheelhouse to write about my current dissatisfaction with several elements of the show. Overall, I would say that I give the show 3.5 Costco cakes out of 5 Costco cakes, mostly because certain episodes (like "Company Man" from the 1st season) are deserving of 5 Costco cakes and a container of Costco cookies , but if the season continues with some of the problems I have already seen in the season premier, it is in serious danger of being downgraded to 2 Costco cakes. Herein I lay forth my beefs:

1) One of the show's chief plot elements was ripped completely out of a lower budget, similar, and excellent show called The 4400 formerly on the USA Network. To make matters worse, The 4400 dealt with the concept in a much cooler manner. Specifically, both shows have dealt with some sort of serum that enables non-super powered individuals to acquire super powers. In The 4400, anyone has the opportunity to take the serum, but there is a 50% chance that you will die, and a 50% chance that you acquire some special power. I recommend you watch The 4400.

2) My brother brought this point up, but EVERY SINGLE PERSON who has powers on Heroes is constantly moaning about having special powers and needing to hide the power. That is maddening. Any moron with a power in real life would be like "hey check this out ladies, I can fly," not "hey let's get some coffee so you can hear me whine about my ability to fly." All the heroes are idiots. Freaking idiots.

3) All three seasons have been based around Hiro going to the future, seeing some big city blow up, and then everyone has to try to keep that from happening. It was a pretty cool plot device in the first season, mildly amusing in the second season, and painfully redundant in the third season.

4) Have you seen The Bourne Supremacy or Oceans 12? Let me give you a few sentence rundown. In the first 10 minutes of both movies (which are sequels), the entire reason for the first movie existing is completed eradicated. In Oceans 11, the whole gang steals stuff from Andy Garcia and it's all like "hey cool crime caper. Way to go Ocean's gang." Right off the bat in 12, Andy Garcia hunts everyone down, says "I know you stole my money give it back or I beat you up," and then all the guys were like "OK." What??? Ridiculous. In The Bourne Identity Matt Damon spends the whole movie trying to make a life with his lady friend, and then before the opening scene is completed in Supremacy, she gets made dead. It's enough to make me mental. The whole first season of Heroes, with all of its marketing of "Save the Cheerleader, Save the World" was annoying enough. In fact, that might have been the most annoying advertising promotion ever. Fortunately for the heroes, cheerleader and world were saved. However, in the first 10 minutes of the season 3 premier, the whole thing that they were trying to avoid in season 1 happens in a matter of moments. Apparently, Heroes is comfortable with wasting 22 hours of my life with no forward storyline progression.

On a positive note, the show has added Marlow Stanfield from The Wire, so great casting choice on that one. As I have made clear before, I love TV and I give most shows the benefit of the doubt, but even I have my limits. If I could change just one thing about the show, I would make all the heroes shutup with their complaints about having powers. YOU HAVE POWERS. SHUTUP. OH MY GOD SHUTUP YOU HAVE SUPER POWERS.


Alex said...

I LOVE "Heroes.

That is all I wanted to say.

And kudos for recognizing "Company Man" as one of the better ones.

BobA said...

Although it is probably too late for anyone to read a comment of a item this far down your blog list, I did want to go on record as agreeing with you.

One of my first contacts with the phenomenon you mentioned involved Star Trek. In the turn-around movie (for the franchise) Star Trek: the Wrath of Khan, the crew of the Enterprise must fight the angry Khan, a genetically perfected human that we first met in the original Star Trek series. In that first meeting, Khan and his band of super-humans try to take over the Enterprise, but fail. Kirk decides to send Khan and his group of followers, including some of his crew to tame this new planet they were near. The show ends with everyone thinking this has had a happy ending... Until the movie begins and we find Kirk actually sent them all to hell.

I was always unsettled by the undoing of the original story, as you describe in your examples.