The Boy is Mine

That title has absolutely nothing to do with what I'm writing about right now, but it is the closest thing I could think of that had anything to do with the name Monica. You remember the song "The Boy is Mine" from 1998 that pitted superstars Monica and Brandy against each other in the fight for the heart of smokin' boy - probably me. Right now I'm trying to mentally hum "The Boy is Mine" and it keeps being overwritten by "My Love Don't Cost a Thing" by J-Lo. What I'm saying is they're very similar in my mind.

What really matters today is this news, that resident crazy person, most undeserving former power-wielding individual, and part human most deserving of the name jerkface, Monica Conyers, has resigned from her post of doing everything in her power to body slam the city of Detroit into the mat. I had mostly convinced myself that Monica Conyers would have some significant influence in Detroit until the day I die, and she may again rise to power with Kwame 5 years from now, but for the next five years, we are completely and utterly Monica and Kwame free. E! should give those two a show called "Dicks being Dicks."

If you don't live in Michigan and haven't been following the news, former Detroit City Council President Pro Tem (what does that even mean) Monica Conyers, crazy person, plead guilty last week to the felony charge of collecting a bribe. This guilty plea has now led to her resignation and a black mark against crazy people running for city council positions in major American cities. Other crazy people should be furious.

Monica Conyers is seriously like a cartoon villain, but an idiot cartoon villain. If you're a fan of The Wire, think Clay Davis from the great state of Maryland but with less power.

Because of the terrible, terrible things she has done to the city, her basic craziness, arrogance, insolence, and all kinds of negative adjectives, I don't think I have ever found more pleasure in the downfall of a human being with the exception of Kwame Kilpatrick. I don't typically revel in the troubles of other people, but I'm happy to make an exception for Monica.

In my perfect world, I see Monica, leaving the court room after pleading guilty last Friday with just one thought on her mind: "sheeeeeit".