Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Things I Learned Today #5 - Subway Lies

Have you seen one of those incredibly annoying $5 footlong commercials for Subway submarine sandwiches? I have. If I had to pick one commercial to not watch today, it would almost certainly be one of these commercials.

While I hate the commercials, I love the concept of the $5 footlong, so you can only begin to imagine how excited I was today when I realized that I would be purchasing lunch from the Subway shop in the Renaissance Center downtown. "$5!" I thought to myself, "I'm saving so much money, I'm going to buy a soda. I was born to be alive on this day." My enthusiasm was quickly smashed when I stepped up to the counter, asked them if they had $5 footlongs, and the guy behind the counter responded that they did not. The only thing that could have been worse than this piece of news would be if I had found out that GM, Ford, and Chrysler simultaneously declared bankruptcy today. This was the first time in my life that I experienced a franchise that decided to not participate in the larger marketing plan of their franchise brand.

Today I learned to never count your $5 footlongs before they're hatched and toasted with provolone cheese. Furthermore, I recommend the Renaissance Center somehow force Subway to honor the time-honored tradition of eating sandwiches measuring at least 12 inches for $5 or less. With this thought, I leave you with a quote from the dearly departed Mitch Hedberg:

“All McDonald's commercials end the same way: “prices and participation may vary.” I want to open my own McDonald's and not participate in anything. I want to be a stubborn McDonald's owner. “Cheeseburgers? Nope. We got spaghetti!...And blankets. We are not affiliated with that clown, he attracts too many children.”

No comments: