Thursday, August 13, 2009

On Blueberries

Blueberries are one of the finest treats in the land, and Michigan produces some mighty fine blueberries. They are generally available in bulk only during the summer, and on special occasion you can swing into a Meijer and pick up a 400 lb. case for a shade under $2, but the rest of the year you're paying about $1 per blueberry. That cost really begins to stack up and my blueberry budget is probably my single biggest berry-related expenditure over the course of any given year. Blueberries are the closest thing to a true guilt-free dessert. They're as sweet as candy and as sensual as Mandy Moore singing Candy. You can put them into cobblers and pies and rhubarbs and salads and pierogi (not recognized as a word by Firefox. Screw you Firefox for ignoring my Polish heritage) and when birds eat them, they're pooping blue all over my car. It's still gross, but I prefer blue poop to white poop.

However, is there any more natural food item in the world that is more hit-or-miss than blueberries? Sometimes I can not figure out what is their deal. Big ones are most often my favorite, but sometimes an entire batch of big ones is just bitter and they taste off. Little ones are less juicy and sometimes kind of hard, but even with these characteristics my enjoyment of them can sometimes exceed the bigger blueberries. Even the discolored runts can sometimes be fantastic, but most of the time they are terrible, so I'm forced to eat the terrible ones in the hope that I find a diamond in the rough, much like Aladdin of Agrabah. Produce is a fickle friend and I can accept that, but blueberries are very deceptive. I think blueberries and avocados made a pact many moons ago to confuse and frustrate the buying public. Typically one can look at an apple or orange or banana or whatever and they have a very good chance of being able to discern whether or not the fruit is worthy of consumption. Not so with the blueberry. I like to judge a book by its cover and a fruit by its ability to read a book, and blueberries fail both of these tests. But I'll still eat them.

1 comment:

Daniel J. said...

Your humour (I love this English spelling) is most evidently a mix'n'match of dryness and sarcasm and even the simplistic forms of effectual parody and comedy (complement). I, also, realized that FireFox does not acknowledge (sic) "monosolovically" as an official term. I really, really, really have an affinity toward your reference to "PRODUCE KARMA". Apricots have the highest density of Vitamin B17 aka nitrilicides. These, nitrilicides, carry an inert form of cyanide,a very potent poison. The only method to activate and release the cyanide is via contact with cancer cells. The cancer cells contain and elicit a chemical reaction that creates the aforementioned cyanide activation. This process, quite literally, kills cancer cells at a very rapid pace. Thus, there is a very tangible and cheap CURE FOR CANCER. You absolutely have to watch, with much more clairvoyance and detail than I, "G. Edward Griffin's: A World without Cancer" video on Google video here if you never watch another video...
(if that link is ineffective, of course, go to > Video > Type in "A World without Cancer".
P.S. The Vitamin B17 is only located within the core of the apricot. You have to use a nutcracker to open the sealed nitrilicides. With apples, you can simply eat the seeds. The most imperative point to remember is that the fruit must be COMPLETELY unadulterated. The fruit CANNOT have pesticides, fungicides, herbicides or insecticides on it. It must be grown under the 100% CERTIFIED Organic title. This is the only title created by the FDA that truly means natural and organic. The FDA is criminal in how it does not enforce proper identification of natural and organic foods and even, worst of all, GMO (genetically-modified-organisms). Please do yourself a favor and take an hour to watch this video. Invite anyone and everyone to join, especially brother Steve. Tell him I miss him and wish to speak with him if he will forgive me for the Ford Taurus incident!!! Stay Strong Kenneth!!!
D Joseph Macchiarella