Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Greatness Finds Me

As you are certainly aware, last year I made best friends with Jimmy Fallon when I met and talked to him for a total of 1.5 seconds on the mean street of Ann Arbor. That's just the tip of my famous friend iceberg, where last year I said hi to Aaron Barrett from Reel Big Fish outside his tour bus and a few years ago, I saw the lead singer of MxPx leaning on his tour bus but I was far too chicken to say hello. Many, many years ago I met professional wrestler Diamond Dallas Page in a sports bar and took a picture with him. Finally, the band Everclear came to hang out in the Brown Jug after a show in Ann Arbor and, you guessed it, I made best friends with them, too. That's just the kind of guy I am.

Today I was cruising south on Woodward through Royal Oak and a very shiny, customized, black Porsche Carrera was revving its way down the road to my left, and I thought to myself "that is a shiny nice black car." Then I took a quick glance at the driver and thought to myself "that's a young guy driving a car that nice", then "hey, that guy looks suspiciously like Justin Verlander," and then finally "That guy is Justin Verlander." That's right, a new famous best friend for Ken.

But really, what does Justin Verlander have that I don't besides a 100 mph fastball, millions of dollars, a no-hitter, a Porsche Carrera, and the ability to grow facial hair? That's exactly what he has that I don't - a 100 mph fastball, millions of dollars, a no-hitter, a Porsche Carrera, and the ability to grow facial hair. I tried to make eye contact with him and indicate that I had a sore shoulder to symbolize that I creepily knew who he was, but alas, no successful eye contact. At that point, I hit him with a baseball bat, kidnapped him in my trunk, tied him to my childhood desk, and played him a song on the piano. There was a small degree of upsetness, but that's just a product of our "Celebrities First" culture. Justin Verlander, simply because you're famous doesn't mean that you're any more special than the other people locked in my room.


BobA said...

I guess that explains our growing food bill. I hope you plan to take them all with you when you are married.

Tank said...

Justin Verlander doesn't have a blog does he? That's where you come out well ahead.

Also, your softball batting average is surely higher than his lifetime average.

el Presidente said...

Henry Winkler once told me, in writing, that I was cool (pretty much, though he was subtle and indirect about it). So next time you, Jimmy and Justin hang out, feel free to invite me along as a social equal.

Ken said...

Dad, I regret to inform you that there is not room for abductees in my future place with Maureen. Just ask Steve, he's seen it.

Justin Verlander does not have a blog. Well, he might but I can pretend that he doesn't as long as don't actively seek it out.

Anyone who is directly or indirectly acknowledged as cool by the Fonz is more than a social equal. That person is cool personified, the result of Miles Davis making love to...well I guess Miles Davis. Maybe that isn't that cool.

Anonymous said...

Actually I have recently met him and a couple other Tigers and I have to say they are some of the coolest guys you could imagine. They are just your average mid 20's kid, they don't flaunt their cash, and they are into the same hobby as me. Look forward to dealing with them a lot more. A++ characters in my book.

Ken said...

Sounds like something JUSTIN VERLANDER would say, Anonymous. Eh?