Throw in Jail, Make Him Eat Key

Life in Michigan wouldn't be life in Michigan without a very regular reminder of how easy it is to unite in hate toward a common individual, and I wouldn't be me if this hate wasn't directed toward Kwame Kilpatrick.

Recently, an awesome judge forced KK to pay every dollar of his million dollar restitution, and much of this restitution on an accelerated schedule ($320K in the next three months). At the time, this ruling was the sweetest music to my ears I could have imagined and I'm not ashamed to say it moved. KK was trying to get out of his restitution claiming some sort of BS poverty despite the significant quantity of money that had been clearly shifted into his wife's name - Christine Beatty. No wait, Carlita Kilpatrick. It's hard to keep clear which woman sleeping with Kwame is his wife. Basically, the Kilpatrick's were betting that their ability to be brazen assholes would convince the court that no one that brazen should have to pay anyone for anything. Oh happy day, this strategy did not work.

In a new court filing, convict KK claims that he will be unable to meet his bill to the city of Detroit for $79,011 by February 19th. After a little more legal wrangling, the judge would be fully within his legal rights to have the obese guy with the thick beard and text message fetish thrown into jail. Most people are saying that this ultimate action is unlikely because it reduces the likelihood that Detroit will ever receive the $1M that it is owed for the debacle. This is true and there are far better ways to get money from someone than to throw that person in jail, but there can be no better outcome than more jail time for the former mayor. A million dollars is a lot of money and may be able to patch a couple more pot holes in the city over the next year, but Detroit citizens and visitors should be proud to pay for any damage to their vehicles from running over said potholes. Those potholes represent vengeance, pride, vengeance, other types of focused hatred, and vengeance. This sack of a man nationally made us all look like dillholes and there is no punishment too severe for the worst human being who ever lived who was not directly responsible for someone's death (oh wait again, I guess we're not sure about that either).