Thursday, November 12, 2009

It's Happening and I'm Missing It

Big news, fans of crappy television. A collection of stars from Days of Our Lives are spending a part of this week in the greater Detroit area. Part of the week is for charity, and part of the week (Friday and Saturday) there is some sort of talent competition to get a part on the soap. This part is likely even less than a walk-on role, but I am crushed that I was not made aware of this earlier so that I could have better planned my life around participating in the talent competition. The number of talents that I have is genuinely amazing. I did it all in grade school - 3 weeks of yo-yo here, 2 months of magic there, pogs for a few seconds, a dalliance with juggling, an enduring appreciation for the piano and saxophone, and an encyclopedic knowledge of television.

In the past, I have made no secret of my appreciation for Days. I know that it is terrible, and yet I have seen at least 95% of the episodes over the last four years. In today's new media economy, it is increasingly difficult for soaps to make a profit for their networks so I may have to soon face the devastating day where Days of Our Lives is yanked from the air.

Instead of waiting in line to participate in the contest to earn a role in this great show, I'll be going to the stupid Bruce Springsteen concert followed up by the terrible open-bar auction for my Time Magazine featured high school. The only upside to this is that when I won the contest and the role, I would most certainly be elevated to cast regular and, soon, #1 fan favorite. I don't think it would be as easy for me to perform my exercise routine to the show while I am simultaneously fathering 3 children to 2 women - one of whom is in a coma and the other of whom put the first one in that coma. Life is complicated.

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