For this first time as long as I have been alive (untrue), Michigan's unemployment rate fell between September and October from 15.3% to 15.1%. That's the kind of massive improvement we can all get behind!In other news that is still bad but slightly better than you originally thought:
The Detroit Lions, worst team ever, have a legitimate chance to defeat the Cleveland Browns but will still probably lose.
The city of Pontiac finally has the Silverdome likely off of its books, but at the fire sale price of around $500K. I did not know that I could have been a legitimate bidder for the Silverdome. Why did no one tell me? Can you imagine the kind of things someone could do with an arena this massive at the age of 27? You got it, laser tag.
Michigan football will probably have several scholarships removed and remain impotent in collegiate football for years, but it's OK because Rich Rod quickly filed the missing practice logs.
Kwame Kilpatrick remains the worst person ever born but may be forced to pay his restitution to the city. I hate you Kwame. Hate is when you actually wish damage and suffering upon a person, and I can say that I legitimately wish damage and suffering upon Kwame; therefore, I hate him.
GM is almost certainly still going to move many of its employees out of the RenCen (boooo) but will probably retain a "significant" presence in the building thanks to the almighty tax credit.
The Tigers suffered one of the worst collapses in baseball history this year but will freeze ticket prices for 2010, so you still won't be able to afford to go to a game but next year you won't unafford it any more than this year.
Your mother left not because of you, but because it turned out she was a lesbian.
Your mother's new girlfriend left your mother for your dad because it turned out she was a heterosexual.
I don't know if my concept held throughout the post, but it's close and I don't care. I'm going out to celebrate a 0.2% employment improvement.
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