This is Bullcrap

Cereal remains the best food product ever invented for so many reasons, I don't even have time to delve into them. I actually probably do have the time, but then I would have to work my way through the thought process of generating a list, attempting to infuse a pathetic degree of humor, and then ranking my list. Everyone seems to like lists (like this one), but I guess I just don't care enough about you to become a list master. Just look at my infrequent blog updates over the past few days. That's not true. I love you.

So what is bullcrap about cereal, you're thinking? Lucky Charms has me upset. If I had to guess, and I do, I would guess that if I were to go around the country and ask everyone what their favorite cereal is, more people would say Lucky Charms than any other cereal. Sure Frosted Flakes has its strong fans and Cheerios make you poop, but Lucky Charms is the champ. Wheat-ish pieces, marshmallows, and a healthy dose of cereal racism; how could you lose? Well, General Mills has figured out how to lose, and they have the audacity to try to pass it off as a benefit.

Right now, the Lucky Charms box proudly advertises "Mini Marshmallow Magic" charms. Mini Marshmallow Charms? MINI MARSHMALLOW CHARMS! This is bullcrap.

How dare they replace my non-mini marshmallow charms with mini marshmallow charms. From my extremely scientific visual scan, I don't even think they have more mini-marshmallow charms to counteract the fact that they are miniaturized. General Mills is giving us less marshmallow for our dollar, and trying to pass it off as something magical. I'm on to you General Mills. They have games on the back of the box where you're supposed to do something or other with the miniature charms to solve a puzzle or something, but really they're just trying to make you overlook their baloney. If it weren't for sentries like me, General Mills may even get away with this. We cannot let them. Post has the right idea with their Honey Bunches of Oats spin-off "Just Bunches" that has picked through the least healthy components of their cereal and put them into their own packaging for our enjoyment. Way to go Post. Lucky Charms would be far more magical if I were to open a package one morning and they replaced regular charms with super-sized charms. Or even better, just replace the charms with whole Kraft marshmallows and then revel in the magic General Mills has provided to us. That is a product I can get behind.