Saturday, May 16, 2009

Body Wash

I absolutely do not understand body wash. My whole life my parents raised me as a bar soap kind of guy, but at some point in the last ten years, I became aware of the body wash product. I'm not quite sure when or how it happened, but somewhere along the line, manufacturers decided that they could screw consumers by putting an inferior washing quality product into a bottle, marking it up quite a large percentage, and then because it seems to go away so much faster than bar soap, people have to run to the store to purchase even more of the inferior cleaning product. The only reason I am periodically confronted with the issue of body wash is that sometimes I need to shower at Maureen's place and she often has only body wash available. I'm looking to find some supporters to explain to me why they want to pay more, more often, for a product that does not even clean their body. Here are just some of the reasons why body wash blows:

1) The aforementioned price issue
2) It never gets lathery enough
3) Because it never gets lathery enough, I have to use a large amount to hit the unusually high amount of surface area on my body
4) Even with the most vigorous effort, the body wash never seems to find its way into all the crevices of my man bits
5) The body wash never seems to permeate to the skin on any part of my body that contains hair - and genetically I just don't have very much hair aside from my head
6) Once finally on the body, the body wash takes forever to wash off, and I'm not sure it actually all ever comes off
7) It's easy to mistake body wash for something else, leading to potentially embarrassing shower situations
8) I heard that Hitler preferred body wash
9) That stupid Old Spice commercial with that Minotaur using Old Spice body wash. He must have an incredibly hard time based on point 5, see above. This is just false advertising. I'm pretty sure that all Minotaurs prefer Dove bars of soap.
10) This is my first list of 1o things ever on my blog, and I don't have a tenth point, so my tenth point is about the fact that this is the first list of 10 things on my blog.

I know that you're asking yourself "After this much time away from the blog and with all the things going on out there, why is this his post?" Because I've held my public silence about body wash too long. I can not be silenced any longer, and you all deserve to agree with me.

Stay tuned over the next couple days for my brother's very true theory about antiperspirant vs. deodorant. The world needs to know. I'd also like to thank my brand new blog sponsor, Old Spice. I love that commercial with the Minotaur.


Dan Anderson said...

Eh, I disagree. Specially like the two in one combos, though I don't wash my hair that much.

AlexJD said...

i think if you use a loofa body wash is supposed to be more effective, lathery, etc.

but then there comes the "are loofas too girly" debate.

Tank said...

there are manly loofa's available. I mean, as manly as a loofa can be.

When using a loofa, body wash is effective, lathery, price conscious, and quite enjoyable.

Katie said...

Its a centaur not the Minotaur. Honestly, have some journalistic integrity and get your facts straight.

Ken said...

Curses, foiled by mythology yet again. If I had a nickel for every time I said that...

I think maybe I need to dedicate another post to the loofa, but I may need to turn over that responsibility to someone who can better speak to the benefits of the loofa. Long live the bar soap!