Friday, October 9, 2009

Harvard Is Dangerous

Straight from the internets, I read today that National Science Foundation (NSF) is granting Harvard University $10 M to explicitly terrorize me. No, they are not determining additional ways to shrink marshmallows in my life, they are in the process of developing robo-bees (Maureen suggested Ro-Bee-Bots, which is appropriately clever for my highbrow sense of humor). National Science Federation, what are you thinking? While we're at it, perhaps we can identify new and exciting methods to slam my hand in a door. Robotic bees? Of all of the things in the world, I am most afraid of bees, and robotic bees sound even worse than regular bees. This is a recipe for complete disaster when the bees become self-aware and start a war against regular bees in which the robot bees learn how to shoot their robotic stingers against the real bees and humans start to fall in the crossfire.

NSF, here's a better idea - use the money for....something remotely useful with far less risk of angry robotic bees. Has no one in this organization seen any of the Terminator movies? If you are going to robotize anything, it should almost definitely be butterflies. Butterflies pollinate, are pretty, and most importantly, I am not terrified of them. On top of the robotic bees, there are all kinds of other terrifying things going on at this school. Have you seen Fringe? In a basement at Harvard, they have the ability to hook up a person in a sensory deprivation tank to a deceased brain that somehow still has brain activity and then they can share a series of memories until the deceased mind helps the living person solve a series of adventures and mysteries. At Harvard!! This is not safe.

For these and no other reasons (including not granting me an interview, just the bees thing) I stand against you Harvard, the University of Michigan of the East.

1 comment:

AlexJD said...

nice umich reference