Monday, November 8, 2010

Acrossed, A Farewell

I don't know when or where or why or how it happened, but over the past 5 years, the word across, a simple, wonderful word, has been replaced by people everywhere by "acrossed" or "acrosst" or some variation of the word across with a "t" sound at the end. Many people have a word or words that aren't actually words that are upsetting to them, but I believe that acrossed may be the most insidious non-word in the world. The reason why is the stunning breadth and depth of the infiltration of this devolution of the English language. From my own personal experience (which I would feel very comfortable saying is interaction with people of above-average intelligence) , it now seems that more than 50% of people I know fail at not using "acrossed." Every time I write it down it makes me feel like my soul is dying a little bit. These are smart, professional, accomplished individuals who, for some reason, feel compelled to make me hate them by putting together letters in this utter failure of letter arrangement. Acrossed is everywhere and it sucks. I hate it, and probably you if you say it.

This is one of the small benefits of writing a blog. It enables me to say to any readers without explicitly telling individuals that you are frequently using a nonsensical sound combination. In this way, I can slowly begin the defeat and eventual death of acrossed - which, if you haven't been able to tell by now, is a WORD THAT DOESN'T EXIST.

Again I acknowledge that there are dozens, if not hundreds, of these non-words that people use every day, but I sincerely believe that this one has entered a pantheon of its own in the terrible realm deserving of special acknowledgment right here, right now.

You may be wondering right now, "Do I say this stupid thing and is Ken talking about me right now." And the answer to this question is "yes, you are almost definitely doing this." So stop, dummy. Really, stop. Even Urban Dictionary agrees, except that they emphasize that this happens primarily in the Midwest, and I know more than a few very smart guys from California who also happen to use this word.

Now that you know, if I hear you using acrossed, I'm going to slap you acrossed the face.


AvengingRelic said...

I was caught using it at work by someone clearly of higher learning than myself. Even after she pointed it out to me I used it an additional 3 times until she was kicking me every time I said it. It just comes out that way without warning and now it's so frustrating. I googled the word to prove to her that it was a past tense form of the word when I found your hilarious blog. Please don't hate me, it's because of my environment not me. Thanks for striving to repair the butchered english language. I recently moved to the south and let me tell you acrossed ain't nothing compared to "use-ta could" eg, "Hey can you ride a bike?"
"Well, I used-ta could, when I was younger"

Anonymous said...

Well, thank God. I was sure I was the only person in the US who cringes at the common usage of acrossed.
We take it two steps farther here in Montana, with the Holy Grail of bastardization in one common sentence: "I SEEN it yesterday, that pond must be thirty, forty FOOT ACROSSED."
God help us.

Anonymous said...

AHHHH agreed!! this is the worst non-word in the ENGLISH LANGUAGE! I can't stand it! I've tried SO hard to make someone stop but it just isn't happening! And since then, I've heard two other quite intelligent people say it. It NEEDS TO STOP!

Anonymous said... are so wonderful:-) I'm so much happier hearing this! I HATE that word and heard it used three times today. The "not a word" I mean. Bless you.

Anonymous said...

I was referring to "Acrossed" by the way. Bad education and followers of the idiots who use incorrect English or butchered English. Now many educated people are being stupid and saying this ridiculousness! I want to post this at work so these people can read this and possibly realize THEY are the followers of stupidity.
Thanks again:-)

Anonymous said...

Recently my fiancee (from Minnesota) kept saying acrost or acrossed until I pointed out that there was no such word. To prove me wrong she looked it up on the internet only to find that it exists in the Urban Dictionary, which defined it as "an agonizing ignorant mispronunciation" I could not help myself but laugh at her. I may be sleeping on the couch tonight but I am glad that there are people like myself who still believe in proper English usage.

Anonymous said...

Amen to that. So weird and frustrating.

Anonymous said...

hi everyone, I have been reading this blog......I laughed at first.... then I came to the conclusion that it Is All OVER, yes cringing Is the best way to classify the reaction it brings about! Lazy might fit into that file.

Welcome to the future, teachers having hard enough times getting through, with school districts that are cutting back, so I've just about had it this English class is one of the headaches that might just get ignored. because of low funds to put forward to help teachers. WOW, Im tired...long day,Maybe I should have taken a nap, before getting on the blog. so excuse me if it looks crappy I am very sorry, this issue hits me hard.