I don't know when or where or why or how it happened, but over the past 5 years, the word across, a simple, wonderful word, has been replaced by people everywhere by "acrossed" or "acrosst" or some variation of the word across with a "t" sound at the end. Many people have a word or words that aren't actually words that are upsetting to them, but I believe that acrossed may be the most insidious non-word in the world. The reason why is the stunning breadth and depth of the infiltration of this devolution of the English language. From my own personal experience (which I would feel very comfortable saying is interaction with people of above-average intelligence) , it now seems that more than 50% of people I know fail at not using "acrossed." Every time I write it down it makes me feel like my soul is dying a little bit. These are smart, professional, accomplished individuals who, for some reason, feel compelled to make me hate them by putting together letters in this utter failure of letter arrangement. Acrossed is everywhere and it sucks. I hate it, and probably you if you say it.
This is one of the small benefits of writing a blog. It enables me to say to any readers without explicitly telling individuals that you are frequently using a nonsensical sound combination. In this way, I can slowly begin the defeat and eventual death of acrossed - which, if you haven't been able to tell by now, is a WORD THAT DOESN'T EXIST.
Again I acknowledge that there are dozens, if not hundreds, of these non-words that people use every day, but I sincerely believe that this one has entered a pantheon of its own in the terrible realm deserving of special acknowledgment right here, right now.
You may be wondering right now, "Do I say this stupid thing and is Ken talking about me right now." And the answer to this question is "yes, you are almost definitely doing this." So stop, dummy. Really, stop. Even Urban Dictionary agrees, except that they emphasize that this happens primarily in the Midwest, and I know more than a few very smart guys from California who also happen to use this word.
Now that you know, if I hear you using acrossed, I'm going to slap you acrossed the face.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comments:
I was caught using it at work by someone clearly of higher learning than myself. Even after she pointed it out to me I used it an additional 3 times until she was kicking me every time I said it. It just comes out that way without warning and now it's so frustrating. I googled the word to prove to her that it was a past tense form of the word when I found your hilarious blog. Please don't hate me, it's because of my environment not me. Thanks for striving to repair the butchered english language. I recently moved to the south and let me tell you acrossed ain't nothing compared to "use-ta could" eg, "Hey can you ride a bike?"
"Well, I used-ta could, when I was younger"
Post a Comment