That title has absolutely nothing to do with what I'm writing about right now, but it is the closest thing I could think of that had anything to do with the name Monica. You remember the song "The Boy is Mine" from 1998 that pitted superstars Monica and Brandy against each other in the fight for the heart of smokin' boy - probably me. Right now I'm trying to mentally hum "The Boy is Mine" and it keeps being overwritten by "My Love Don't Cost a Thing" by J-Lo. What I'm saying is they're very similar in my mind.
What really matters today is this news, that resident crazy person, most undeserving former power-wielding individual, and part human most deserving of the name jerkface, Monica Conyers, has resigned from her post of doing everything in her power to body slam the city of Detroit into the mat. I had mostly convinced myself that Monica Conyers would have some significant influence in Detroit until the day I die, and she may again rise to power with Kwame 5 years from now, but for the next five years, we are completely and utterly Monica and Kwame free. E! should give those two a show called "Dicks being Dicks."
If you don't live in Michigan and haven't been following the news, former Detroit City Council President Pro Tem (what does that even mean) Monica Conyers, crazy person, plead guilty last week to the felony charge of collecting a bribe. This guilty plea has now led to her resignation and a black mark against crazy people running for city council positions in major American cities. Other crazy people should be furious.
Monica Conyers is seriously like a cartoon villain, but an idiot cartoon villain. If you're a fan of The Wire, think Clay Davis from the great state of Maryland but with less power.
Because of the terrible, terrible things she has done to the city, her basic craziness, arrogance, insolence, and all kinds of negative adjectives, I don't think I have ever found more pleasure in the downfall of a human being with the exception of Kwame Kilpatrick. I don't typically revel in the troubles of other people, but I'm happy to make an exception for Monica.
In my perfect world, I see Monica, leaving the court room after pleading guilty last Friday with just one thought on her mind: "sheeeeeit".
Monday, June 29, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
iPod FAQ
Alright people, so a couple weeks ago Maureen gave me my first >1 GB iPod for my birthday and I'm enjoying listening to a whole bunch of music that I would not normally listen to because I wouldn't want to rifle through the old 50 pound CD book to find one CD for just one or two songs. Then, after finding the right CD, I would have to wait for the CD changer to slowly eject the CD, then go to another CD, then I would have to wait for it to go back to the blank CD slot, then I could finally load it, and then listen to the music. Major butt in the pain. Look at me - proud member and citizen of the year 2004 with my "i's" this and "Googles" that. Here is the one main question I currently have regarding the iPod that I'm hoping a loyal member of my readership community may be able to answer.
When I'm shuffling through songs, how in the hell do I stop the shuffling process without having to go back to the artist list, select an artist, select a song, and press play. The main reason this is important to me is because I let shuffle do its very sexy thing, and then when I come across an artist or a CD I want to listen to in entirety, I would simply like to stop the Shuffle process and pick up the music from the current listening point on the CD, preferably with the touch of maybe one or two buttons. Right now, I cannot do this effectively and it is incredibly frustrating.
The reason this is important to you is because as you also traverse the streets of Michigan, you don't want me rifling through my immense artist list to try to find my way back to the exact same song I'm currently listening to sans-shuffle. A recent study shows that texting while driving is actually more dangerous than driving drunk. I don't think looking for a song on the iPod is much different from texting, and I don't want to be worse than a drunk driver. I'm looking out for you.
When I'm shuffling through songs, how in the hell do I stop the shuffling process without having to go back to the artist list, select an artist, select a song, and press play. The main reason this is important to me is because I let shuffle do its very sexy thing, and then when I come across an artist or a CD I want to listen to in entirety, I would simply like to stop the Shuffle process and pick up the music from the current listening point on the CD, preferably with the touch of maybe one or two buttons. Right now, I cannot do this effectively and it is incredibly frustrating.
The reason this is important to you is because as you also traverse the streets of Michigan, you don't want me rifling through my immense artist list to try to find my way back to the exact same song I'm currently listening to sans-shuffle. A recent study shows that texting while driving is actually more dangerous than driving drunk. I don't think looking for a song on the iPod is much different from texting, and I don't want to be worse than a drunk driver. I'm looking out for you.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Yup, Still Here
In the awesome and totally ski-able wake of my 1 Year Birthiversary last week, I wanted to let all the people out there who don't read my blog but will one day stumble upon it during their study of early 21st century human development that I'm still here and writing. Yes I am.
The reason this comes up is because the one somewhat frustrating question that I happen to get with surprising regularity is "Hey Ken, you still writing that blog thing?" I am! And you know what better way to find out? Come to the frakking blog to see and read. I appreciate the general interest in whether or not I'm still wasting my time here and also the good-natured effort toward conversation, but if you really wanted to be a super swell stand-up gal, you'd give me $500. In this instance, I don't much care if you're a reader or not. Not too much is better than $500.
The reason this comes up is because the one somewhat frustrating question that I happen to get with surprising regularity is "Hey Ken, you still writing that blog thing?" I am! And you know what better way to find out? Come to the frakking blog to see and read. I appreciate the general interest in whether or not I'm still wasting my time here and also the good-natured effort toward conversation, but if you really wanted to be a super swell stand-up gal, you'd give me $500. In this instance, I don't much care if you're a reader or not. Not too much is better than $500.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
I Claim Him as Ours
It's funny, you know, I probably don't care about your child and think that most of the things that he or she does are pretty boring, but this guy - this guy is fascinating. This is his first attempt at consuming sweet potato, and enjoy the transform from relatively happy and risk-taking baby to horrified and devastated sweet potato-eating baby. It may be the funniest ten seconds I have ever seen that you think is completely boring. First, he stares at his dad, then his mom, with one question on his little mind, "Why, why have you done this to me?"
For the moment he and his parents remain stranded in Minnesota, but I imagine one day I shall claim him as the property of Michigan. There's this episode of Cheers where Frasier and Lilith's child, Frederick, is about to have a circumcision, and Frasier temporarily kidnaps his own child and makes a brake with him to save him from this skin-related procedure. In a short few weeks, I'll be attending his baptism, and while I'm not saying that I will kidnap him, I'm not saying that I won't kidnap him.
For the moment he and his parents remain stranded in Minnesota, but I imagine one day I shall claim him as the property of Michigan. There's this episode of Cheers where Frasier and Lilith's child, Frederick, is about to have a circumcision, and Frasier temporarily kidnaps his own child and makes a brake with him to save him from this skin-related procedure. In a short few weeks, I'll be attending his baptism, and while I'm not saying that I will kidnap him, I'm not saying that I won't kidnap him.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
1 Year Birthiversary
Congratulations to me, and you, but mostly me! Today, June 18th, marks exactly one year since I started this blog with little fanfare and even less public interest. Most importantly, even if it totally sucks and gets even worse in the future, I've kept at this little hobby for one whole year. I guess technically I'm at one year +1 day, but that is way more commitment than my magic, juggling, and yo-yo careers. I had such big dreams for the yo-yo.
I have long since given up my hopes of reaching any sort of mass audience or interested mass audience or even disinterested mass audience, but I'm truthfully quite thankful for the few people that have consistently supported We Are of Michigan, and by natural extension the state of Michigan, through their reading and comments. There are a group of people who I know continue to read and encourage me with their remarks, and I'd like to try to thank this elite and superhuman group right here.
Mom and dad (but not Steve, he doesn't read that much, and Gail and Jeff don't read that much either but they do have a new baby who just by living creates content for writing), Maureen, Craig (Tank), Alex, Dan A., Dan M., Todd, Joe, Alycia, and Maureen's mom.
If you think you're a true fan and I've missed you, it's most likely your fault and you need to be more vocal in your love of me. How am I supposed to know you love me if you don't remind me every couple of minutes? For everyone else out there, screw you! What's your problem? I'm working my ass off here for your enjoyment. If you don't find it interesting or funny, the only explanation is that you need to adjust your understanding of interesting and funny.
Things aren't much better right now in the state than last year as we hoped, but that doesn't mean we can't keep enjoying the positive things in and around our home. Thanks for reading, keep coming back, and just maybe I'll be writing next June 18th to bemoan continued lack of interest in the blog. My parents always taught me - "everyone likes a whiner."
I have long since given up my hopes of reaching any sort of mass audience or interested mass audience or even disinterested mass audience, but I'm truthfully quite thankful for the few people that have consistently supported We Are of Michigan, and by natural extension the state of Michigan, through their reading and comments. There are a group of people who I know continue to read and encourage me with their remarks, and I'd like to try to thank this elite and superhuman group right here.
Mom and dad (but not Steve, he doesn't read that much, and Gail and Jeff don't read that much either but they do have a new baby who just by living creates content for writing), Maureen, Craig (Tank), Alex, Dan A., Dan M., Todd, Joe, Alycia, and Maureen's mom.
If you think you're a true fan and I've missed you, it's most likely your fault and you need to be more vocal in your love of me. How am I supposed to know you love me if you don't remind me every couple of minutes? For everyone else out there, screw you! What's your problem? I'm working my ass off here for your enjoyment. If you don't find it interesting or funny, the only explanation is that you need to adjust your understanding of interesting and funny.
Things aren't much better right now in the state than last year as we hoped, but that doesn't mean we can't keep enjoying the positive things in and around our home. Thanks for reading, keep coming back, and just maybe I'll be writing next June 18th to bemoan continued lack of interest in the blog. My parents always taught me - "everyone likes a whiner."
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Party All the Time
Today Steve confronted me with a very good and complicated question:
Do I prefer that my girl party ALL the time or party NONE of the time? This is a complicated question and requires additional consideration. In other words, any time that she is not working or performing other necessary life responsibilities, she is out partying. Now, partying could mean a few different things - going out to the bar, partaking in illegal "partying" activities, going to bombastic birthday parties, etc., but spending time at home with family most certainly does not count as partying. There is no option other than partying. On the flip side, the girl who does not party all the time refuses to ever party and becomes upset if asked if she wants to go party. Her life likely consists of general solitude and quiet. You are typically somewhere with her, quite often boring, surrounded by people who are most certainly not partying.
I think this question is a little bit easier than question 2, which we'll address in a minute. For this quandary, I would strongly prefer that my girl party none of the time. I just couldn't keep up with someone who was literally always partying, and I think my unhappiness from constant partying would vastly outstrip my potential boredom from never partying.
Question 2 has one very subtle difference: would I prefer my girl WANTS to party all the time or NEVER parties? If she is not partying, as Steve put it, she's in a similar mood as when you are mowing your lawn. You're not necessarily unhappy, but you're not even close to as happy as you might otherwise be. In this situation, I think I would again prefer the girl who never parties. It would be too much for me to deal with if I knew that my girl was mostly unhappy or, at the very least, apathetic with life if she was not partying. Fortunately for most, this is an extreme situation you will never have to face, but it probably makes sense for you to consider your preference in the instance that you confronted with the age old question "To party, or not to party. All the time."
Do I prefer that my girl party ALL the time or party NONE of the time? This is a complicated question and requires additional consideration. In other words, any time that she is not working or performing other necessary life responsibilities, she is out partying. Now, partying could mean a few different things - going out to the bar, partaking in illegal "partying" activities, going to bombastic birthday parties, etc., but spending time at home with family most certainly does not count as partying. There is no option other than partying. On the flip side, the girl who does not party all the time refuses to ever party and becomes upset if asked if she wants to go party. Her life likely consists of general solitude and quiet. You are typically somewhere with her, quite often boring, surrounded by people who are most certainly not partying.
I think this question is a little bit easier than question 2, which we'll address in a minute. For this quandary, I would strongly prefer that my girl party none of the time. I just couldn't keep up with someone who was literally always partying, and I think my unhappiness from constant partying would vastly outstrip my potential boredom from never partying.
Question 2 has one very subtle difference: would I prefer my girl WANTS to party all the time or NEVER parties? If she is not partying, as Steve put it, she's in a similar mood as when you are mowing your lawn. You're not necessarily unhappy, but you're not even close to as happy as you might otherwise be. In this situation, I think I would again prefer the girl who never parties. It would be too much for me to deal with if I knew that my girl was mostly unhappy or, at the very least, apathetic with life if she was not partying. Fortunately for most, this is an extreme situation you will never have to face, but it probably makes sense for you to consider your preference in the instance that you confronted with the age old question "To party, or not to party. All the time."
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
The #1 Rule
According to local news sources, this morning at around 6am, four women in Detroit tried to engage in the time-tested ritual of eating your food at a restaurant (or whatever you may call an IHOP - no offense to IHOP but I'm just not sure it classifies as restaurant) and then opting to quickly leave the food establishment without paying for the food. This is where these four women forgot the number one rule of successful stealing of anything:
Rule #1 - Don't crash your car into the side of the building that you just stole from
Rule #2 - See Rule #1
There are many other important stealing rules, but this is quite possibly the most important. It makes the so-called getaway less of a getaway and more of a "crash your car into the side of the building that you just stole from." On top of this, the women in the car got out and fled on foot before two of them decided to return to the scene of the crime to admit the error of their ways. This breaks rule #3 of stealing:
Rule #3 - If you happen to break Rules #1 and #2, don't run away and then return to the scene with the building still impaled by your car to admit your misdeeds
Detroit has its fair share of crime, but on the plus side, the criminals appear to be less effective in their basic efforts. It would be my genuine pleasure to pay someone 100% of the revenue I've generated from this website if I could acquire exclusive video of this incident.
Rule #1 - Don't crash your car into the side of the building that you just stole from
Rule #2 - See Rule #1
There are many other important stealing rules, but this is quite possibly the most important. It makes the so-called getaway less of a getaway and more of a "crash your car into the side of the building that you just stole from." On top of this, the women in the car got out and fled on foot before two of them decided to return to the scene of the crime to admit the error of their ways. This breaks rule #3 of stealing:
Rule #3 - If you happen to break Rules #1 and #2, don't run away and then return to the scene with the building still impaled by your car to admit your misdeeds
Detroit has its fair share of crime, but on the plus side, the criminals appear to be less effective in their basic efforts. It would be my genuine pleasure to pay someone 100% of the revenue I've generated from this website if I could acquire exclusive video of this incident.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Ambiguously Gay Voices
I did not realize this until I read it online one minute ago at TVSquad and I'm still surprised. Did you know that Stephen Colbert and Steve Carell provided the voices for Ace and Gary of The Ambiguously Gay Duo? All part of my series "The things you learn at 1:00 am on Sunday morning while your significant other is traveling for work." It's like when I learn that a song that I enjoy was actually created in 1972 and some modern artist is just stealing a sample from that artist from 1972. Next time I attempt to illegally procure a Snickers from a gas station and get caught, I'll just let the worker know I'm sampling the store. That should clear up any misunderstanding.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Training in Style
12 years ago, I put myself behind the wheel of an Oldsmobile Achieva Quad 4 and gently pressed down on the accelerator, thus igniting my lifelong like affair with driving cars from this place over here to that other place over there. These days, I spend quite a lot of time behind the wheel - Maureen lives in Ann Arbor and I live in Royal Oak, so I've been driving back and forth a couple time a weeks for the past 4 years, and I've been known to hop in a car with Steve and drive down to Miami or over to Arizona. As I've said in the past, I'm not a "car guy", but I continue to find joy in driving - if I have to do it, I may as well figure out a way to enjoy it. It all started with that Achieva, and I still have a fondness for it today.
Driving not the best cars is a right of passage as one learns to operate a motorized vehicle, so I was surprised and envious today as I made my way south on I-275. To the right of my car, clearly, was a student driver. I could tell from the big words STUDENT DRIVER painted on the back of the car. I must have been drunk or possibly there was a carbon monoxide leak in my car, because the car I saw this young man (with teacher) driving was a 2007 Ford Mustang. At least I think it was a 2007 vintage - it was difficult to identify specific styling cues that differentiate model years because of the various stars, comets, and rainbows painted on the training car. Not only was this guy driving around in a Mustang (sweet), but his car was painted with all the dreams of little girls (super sweet). I didn't see the other side of the car, but I'm pretty sure there was probably a poster of the Jonas Brothers painted there. It got me thinking just a little bit - would I prefer to train in a metallic light blue Oldsmobile Achieva, or a multi-hued dreams-mobile Ford Mustang? I don't think I have an easy answer for this one. Driving, period, at that age is extremely exciting, and I remember the first time driving on the freeway my only thought was "oh my god this does not feel so fast when my parents are driving." Regardless, that car brought a smile to my day. Keep your eyes open - that rainbow you are seeing may not just be oxygen deprivation.
Driving not the best cars is a right of passage as one learns to operate a motorized vehicle, so I was surprised and envious today as I made my way south on I-275. To the right of my car, clearly, was a student driver. I could tell from the big words STUDENT DRIVER painted on the back of the car. I must have been drunk or possibly there was a carbon monoxide leak in my car, because the car I saw this young man (with teacher) driving was a 2007 Ford Mustang. At least I think it was a 2007 vintage - it was difficult to identify specific styling cues that differentiate model years because of the various stars, comets, and rainbows painted on the training car. Not only was this guy driving around in a Mustang (sweet), but his car was painted with all the dreams of little girls (super sweet). I didn't see the other side of the car, but I'm pretty sure there was probably a poster of the Jonas Brothers painted there. It got me thinking just a little bit - would I prefer to train in a metallic light blue Oldsmobile Achieva, or a multi-hued dreams-mobile Ford Mustang? I don't think I have an easy answer for this one. Driving, period, at that age is extremely exciting, and I remember the first time driving on the freeway my only thought was "oh my god this does not feel so fast when my parents are driving." Regardless, that car brought a smile to my day. Keep your eyes open - that rainbow you are seeing may not just be oxygen deprivation.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Proof of God #2 - The Return of Zoidberg
The last time I was convinced of God, I had just seen and eaten the best cookie in the history of cookies. At that moment, I was convinced that there simply could not be much better in life than that cookie, but as they say:Morgan: Why is there yogurt in this hat?
Fry: I can explain that. It used to be milk, and well, time makes fools of us all
This quote comes from one of my top three favorite cartoon series of all times (variably placed at #1 through #3 based on my mood and time of the day), Futurama. For all the meatbags who know nothing to very little about the show, Futurama is a 22 minute (without commercials) per episode compilation of many of the greatest things that TV has to offer. The show was originally aired on FOX from March 28, 1999 to August 10, 2003. FOX cancelled the series back in 2003 after erratically airing the show on different nights and different times. Even as a fan of the show who did not yet own TiVo, it was incredibly difficult time to find the show on TV, especially when it would air after football games that could end 30 minutes early or 90 minutes late. FOX did not do the show any service.
Since its cancellation, the show ran on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim, Comedy Central, and they produced 3 full length DVD movies. The show has always had a moderate and energized fan base, and these people (including me) have grown increasingly crazy since the cancellation and subsequent movies.
Earlier this week, there were rumors that Comedy Central had picked up the show for 13 new episodes to be aired in 2010, and yesterday, someone who makes these things official officially stated that Comedy Central has ordered 26 episodes of the series! 7 full years after cancellation, Futurama is returning to television. This, friends, is amazing. The only rationale I can create for the rebirth of the show is that the same powerful God who created the best cookie ever intervened and took control of the mind of a network executive at Comedy Central. It's the only thing that makes sense. Things often don't work out the right way, but every once in awhile, I feel like life is on my side.
If you have not watched the show in the past, there aren't many things I can recommend higher. If you have unsuccessfully tried to get into the show in the past, the best thing I can recommend is to watch the series in order, on DVD, from the beginning. There is a level of character development and empathy for the various wackos on the show that is best understood through watching the show from the beginning. It is a cartoon set 1,000 years in the future with robots and Slurm and devils and robot devils, but despite all the craziness, there are 2 episodes of the show during which I cried like a little baby. Be careful with the episode called "Jurassic Bark" - you're just going to go and want to hug people you love for like 2 weeks after watching this episode.
As you can probably tell, I'm quite excited. Stay tuned for 2010 at which point I will certainly rave yet again about how excited I am about the return of the show. Thank you robot God.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Top 35
I wrote once before about an interactive map from cnn.com about how Michigan's budget deficit, when compared to other states, was actually not as bad as I would have anticipated. In simpler and more energetic blog times, I would probably provide a link to that post right now, but now I am more jaded and know that you would probably not care to click on that link. Oh to be back in those simpler, more principled and innocent blogging days.
Today another similar but different "slideshow" from CNBC.com caught my eye. They call it a slideshow because instead of giving you all the useful information on one easy to access and understand website, you have to click and wait for load 15 times to see all that you want to see. I find this quite stupid and annoying, so CNBC, clean up your act. This slideshow is the "Worse Expected State Budget Gaps" that are "ranked here (on Mr. Dumb Slideshow) according to the percentage of expected budget gap compared to state general funds." I don't know exactly what that means, but I patiently clicked through all 15 times holding my breath to see if the world would have yet another reason to knock on the mitten - and you know what? No Michigan. We're at least in the top 35! There are two really interesting things that I see in this annoying slideshow.
First, most of the states that are highly desired by my contemporaries are in not that good of shape. These are places that most people think really have their business together - at least way better than Michigan. These states include California, Florida, Nevada, Arizona, and New York. I would like every state in our fine union of states to be budget-gap free, creating lots and lots of jobs, and providing all kinds of fantastic services to its residents, but this can't and won't be the case for a few years . It's a weird chicken and egg issue - people demand lower business taxes so that companies can create jobs and residents like all of the lovely services that their state provides, but then the ridiculously low taxes create a budget gap that makes it impossible to provide the highly desirable services.
Second, and still shocking to me, is that despite our most major economic problems topped off by the bankruptcies of GM and Chrysler, Michigan didn't crack even the top (bottom) 15. We may be number 16 (it's hard to tell in stupid slideshow format), and things could get way worse before they get better (I think we can get all the way to #1 if we try hard enough), but for now, somehow, someone managing our finances kept the budget from spiraling immensely out of control. Now it is just mostly out of control - maybe we can keep immense at bay for another couple years.
Today another similar but different "slideshow" from CNBC.com caught my eye. They call it a slideshow because instead of giving you all the useful information on one easy to access and understand website, you have to click and wait for load 15 times to see all that you want to see. I find this quite stupid and annoying, so CNBC, clean up your act. This slideshow is the "Worse Expected State Budget Gaps" that are "ranked here (on Mr. Dumb Slideshow) according to the percentage of expected budget gap compared to state general funds." I don't know exactly what that means, but I patiently clicked through all 15 times holding my breath to see if the world would have yet another reason to knock on the mitten - and you know what? No Michigan. We're at least in the top 35! There are two really interesting things that I see in this annoying slideshow.
First, most of the states that are highly desired by my contemporaries are in not that good of shape. These are places that most people think really have their business together - at least way better than Michigan. These states include California, Florida, Nevada, Arizona, and New York. I would like every state in our fine union of states to be budget-gap free, creating lots and lots of jobs, and providing all kinds of fantastic services to its residents, but this can't and won't be the case for a few years . It's a weird chicken and egg issue - people demand lower business taxes so that companies can create jobs and residents like all of the lovely services that their state provides, but then the ridiculously low taxes create a budget gap that makes it impossible to provide the highly desirable services.
Second, and still shocking to me, is that despite our most major economic problems topped off by the bankruptcies of GM and Chrysler, Michigan didn't crack even the top (bottom) 15. We may be number 16 (it's hard to tell in stupid slideshow format), and things could get way worse before they get better (I think we can get all the way to #1 if we try hard enough), but for now, somehow, someone managing our finances kept the budget from spiraling immensely out of control. Now it is just mostly out of control - maybe we can keep immense at bay for another couple years.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
From That Angle
Watching the Red Wings game last night in a room of about 12 people, someone said "From that angle, Detroit looks beautiful." Of course, this person was referring to one of the many gratuitous shots that television networks cut to before and after commercial breaks. It's amazing how many different viewpoints they can construct of the giant fist or the Renaissance Center. It's also important to note that this comment did not seem intended as a backhanded or front-handed insult to the city, simply an observation that from one specific camera shot, Detroit looked nice.
And I agree. Detroit definitely did look nice from that camera angle. There was a little bit of river, a little bit of the RenCen, and people walking up and down on the RiverWalk. It looked like a place that people would voluntarily spend their time - well, at least regular people - personally, I would always voluntarily choose to spend my time downtime.
The thing that really bothers me about this type of observation, from people who both live inside and outside of Michigan, is that there are many additional angles from which the city is beautiful, and not just in that only attractive in the way a parent can think an ugly child is beautiful. It's the general mental image, preconception, and unfortunate fear that keep people away from even heading down into the city to appreciate some of the things that it has to offer. The adventurous and interested, once they build the necessary momentum, venture into the D and take advantage of some of the fun and interesting things to do in the city - despite the nefarious rumor that there is nothing in the city but burned out homes and a palpable feeling of despair. There are places in the city where this is the case, but there is so much more to our urban anchor.
Two of my very good friends that I have met over the last year are from suburban Chicago and New York. They currently reside and work in Ann Arbor, but they regularly take expeditions into big, scary Detroit. They've been to the D.I.A., Comerica Park, Greektown, and several of the dining establishments that actually call Detroit home. Believe it or not, even after these visits, they're looking for more things to do in the city. Shock!
I guess what I'm trying to say here is that many cities simultaneously suck and rule, and Detroit is no exception. Next weekend the Red Bull Air Races are taking place over the Detroit River, so this may be a great opportunity for you to take your inaugural trip to Detroit, or to give it another shot after writing our city off so many years ago. Detroit did look actually aesthetically pleasing during the hockey game, and it wasn't a trick of the camera - though the only way for you to find out is to actually go and ch' ch' ch' ch' ch' ch' check it out.
And I agree. Detroit definitely did look nice from that camera angle. There was a little bit of river, a little bit of the RenCen, and people walking up and down on the RiverWalk. It looked like a place that people would voluntarily spend their time - well, at least regular people - personally, I would always voluntarily choose to spend my time downtime.
The thing that really bothers me about this type of observation, from people who both live inside and outside of Michigan, is that there are many additional angles from which the city is beautiful, and not just in that only attractive in the way a parent can think an ugly child is beautiful. It's the general mental image, preconception, and unfortunate fear that keep people away from even heading down into the city to appreciate some of the things that it has to offer. The adventurous and interested, once they build the necessary momentum, venture into the D and take advantage of some of the fun and interesting things to do in the city - despite the nefarious rumor that there is nothing in the city but burned out homes and a palpable feeling of despair. There are places in the city where this is the case, but there is so much more to our urban anchor.
Two of my very good friends that I have met over the last year are from suburban Chicago and New York. They currently reside and work in Ann Arbor, but they regularly take expeditions into big, scary Detroit. They've been to the D.I.A., Comerica Park, Greektown, and several of the dining establishments that actually call Detroit home. Believe it or not, even after these visits, they're looking for more things to do in the city. Shock!
I guess what I'm trying to say here is that many cities simultaneously suck and rule, and Detroit is no exception. Next weekend the Red Bull Air Races are taking place over the Detroit River, so this may be a great opportunity for you to take your inaugural trip to Detroit, or to give it another shot after writing our city off so many years ago. Detroit did look actually aesthetically pleasing during the hockey game, and it wasn't a trick of the camera - though the only way for you to find out is to actually go and ch' ch' ch' ch' ch' ch' check it out.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Why Do We Love Derelict Structures?
A couple weeks ago, I wrote about my opinion regarding the Michigan Central Depot. It's a big, empty, majestic, depressing symbol of abandonment and despair and someone with a big bulldozer or at least a stick of dynamite should bring it to the ground. Unless someone can provide me a business plan with specific action items and a time line to fix and inhabit the building, it should return to the earth from whence it came.
Now, again, there is debate about the decision to tear town Tiger Stadium. What the heck is it about Michigan's obsession with maintaining empty and useless structures? I like the past and history as much as the next guy (the next guy right is Steve on the couch near me), but there are times when holding on to the past is of no benefit to anyone. Let the stadium go and hold on to your memories in your heart, not in the big abandoned building that you haven't driven by or thought about since the last time you read an article about someone wanting to demolish it.
I'm most amazed by the time and energy that people seem to be willing to put into preventing the destruction of these buildings. If we could harness that power and focus on something that actually matters, perhaps a difference could actually be made. It's like when people write petitions to save crappy TV show XYZ or when they blog about their home state - come on, use your time and energy for something meaningful. OK so maybe there is some hypocrisy here, but you don't see me fighting to "Keep alive the rabies-infested raccoons" or "Up with Depression." Pick a battle worth fighting, not one that has already been lost and is pointless. I'll always remember with utmost fondness going to a few Tiger games at Tiger Stadium during my boyhood, but we don't need a looming and hulking symbol to maintain these memories.
Now, again, there is debate about the decision to tear town Tiger Stadium. What the heck is it about Michigan's obsession with maintaining empty and useless structures? I like the past and history as much as the next guy (the next guy right is Steve on the couch near me), but there are times when holding on to the past is of no benefit to anyone. Let the stadium go and hold on to your memories in your heart, not in the big abandoned building that you haven't driven by or thought about since the last time you read an article about someone wanting to demolish it.
I'm most amazed by the time and energy that people seem to be willing to put into preventing the destruction of these buildings. If we could harness that power and focus on something that actually matters, perhaps a difference could actually be made. It's like when people write petitions to save crappy TV show XYZ or when they blog about their home state - come on, use your time and energy for something meaningful. OK so maybe there is some hypocrisy here, but you don't see me fighting to "Keep alive the rabies-infested raccoons" or "Up with Depression." Pick a battle worth fighting, not one that has already been lost and is pointless. I'll always remember with utmost fondness going to a few Tiger games at Tiger Stadium during my boyhood, but we don't need a looming and hulking symbol to maintain these memories.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Somebody Tell Clete
Will someone, somewhere, please remind Clete Thomas of one of the most fundamental aspects of hitting a baseball. Son, keep your head down and follow the ball all the way into the bat. I know there is a squirrel running around in the outfield and that is very distracting, but you're a professional baseball player. You should not get distracted by squirrels. Head down, follow the ball to the bat. I believe in you.
Monday, June 1, 2009
I Never Worry, Now That is a Lie
Well, friends, today was the day. We've been mentally preparing, agonizing, fretting, eating, fretting some more, and then eating some more as the day grew closer and closer - the day that Jay Leno stepped down from The Tonight Show for the red-haired genius of Conan O'Brien.
I kid - as much as I might want to, it is simply not possible to ignore the news (and news and news and news and news and news). Some of those are editorials, but they're close enough to news for me on this somber evening following this somber day. There are good things and bad things from all this, but the bottom line that I've taken with me from a day full of reporting is that no one really has a clue what comes next, or what comes after next, or after the next after next. We are in insanely uncharted territory here, and the industry that built and sustained Michigan for so very many years is done hanging by a thread. Hanging by a thread would be too generous.
The best news is that the ground has not opened up and swallowed Michigan whole, fire rain has not begun to fall from the sky, and Dollhouse was renewed for another season. Thousands upon thousands are going to lose their jobs, their means to support their families, and a bit of their self-esteem and self-worth. This, people, is a bitch.
These are keep yourself up at night, fear for the future, poop on your neighbor's lawn kind of fretful times, but the amazing thing to me is that everyone seems to be fascinatingly under control, logical, and brave. People throw lots of crud Michigan's way, but if there is one thing for which we are regularly granted credit both locally and nationally, it is that we are a resilient lot. This resilience stems from generations of laborers, hard workers, and hard times, a lifetime of Rodney Dangerfield "We can't get no respect"-ism, and drives down the Lodge freeway before it was reconstructed a couple years ago.
I, probably like you, am immensely concerned about our collective future, and all I can do is hope that the hard work and commitment of bankruptcy judges and attorneys, executives, creditors, employees, and all other people who are about to suffer fear and sacrifice can somehow find a solution that gives GM (and the hopefully soon out of bankruptcy Chrysler) the small and not guaranteed opportunity to spin themselves around in mid-air, pull the rip cord, and crash land with only two broken legs instead of a broken brain. I will leave you now with a quote from GM's bankruptcy judge, the Honorable Robert Gerber:
"If anybody cracks any jokes I’m going to disconnect the phones...This is serious to a lot of peoples’ lives and I’d think that people here would understand that."
Yes, yes we do.
I kid - as much as I might want to, it is simply not possible to ignore the news (and news and news and news and news and news). Some of those are editorials, but they're close enough to news for me on this somber evening following this somber day. There are good things and bad things from all this, but the bottom line that I've taken with me from a day full of reporting is that no one really has a clue what comes next, or what comes after next, or after the next after next. We are in insanely uncharted territory here, and the industry that built and sustained Michigan for so very many years is done hanging by a thread. Hanging by a thread would be too generous.
The best news is that the ground has not opened up and swallowed Michigan whole, fire rain has not begun to fall from the sky, and Dollhouse was renewed for another season. Thousands upon thousands are going to lose their jobs, their means to support their families, and a bit of their self-esteem and self-worth. This, people, is a bitch.
These are keep yourself up at night, fear for the future, poop on your neighbor's lawn kind of fretful times, but the amazing thing to me is that everyone seems to be fascinatingly under control, logical, and brave. People throw lots of crud Michigan's way, but if there is one thing for which we are regularly granted credit both locally and nationally, it is that we are a resilient lot. This resilience stems from generations of laborers, hard workers, and hard times, a lifetime of Rodney Dangerfield "We can't get no respect"-ism, and drives down the Lodge freeway before it was reconstructed a couple years ago.
I, probably like you, am immensely concerned about our collective future, and all I can do is hope that the hard work and commitment of bankruptcy judges and attorneys, executives, creditors, employees, and all other people who are about to suffer fear and sacrifice can somehow find a solution that gives GM (and the hopefully soon out of bankruptcy Chrysler) the small and not guaranteed opportunity to spin themselves around in mid-air, pull the rip cord, and crash land with only two broken legs instead of a broken brain. I will leave you now with a quote from GM's bankruptcy judge, the Honorable Robert Gerber:
"If anybody cracks any jokes I’m going to disconnect the phones...This is serious to a lot of peoples’ lives and I’d think that people here would understand that."
Yes, yes we do.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Unfleeced UnPart 1
So on a recent post I may have implied that my dentist was being ever-so-slightly less than honest about the need for some fillings based on some magical cavity detecting laser. I'm still skeptical about the laser, but when I went in for my fillings on Tuesday, the dentist said that one of them was a bit bigger than he anticipated and it was a good thing that we decided to fill that one.
That makes me feel just a little bit better about the whole process, though I guess I don't really have any proof that he didn't make up the part about the cavity being a little bit bigger than expected, and to convince me of his case, he used Novocaine and in my numbed state, he decided to go nuts with the drill. What I can tell you for sure is that I didn't get feeling back on the right side of my face for three or four hours, so he could have been doing anything in my mouth while I was on the chair. No, don't go there.
That makes this post my unofficial apology for implying I was the victim of medical revenue-generating practices. A little skepticism can be good, on occasion, but generally it is probably a better idea than not to trust your various medical professionals - except for that guy behind the liquor store named Doc. He should not be trusted under any circumstances.
That makes me feel just a little bit better about the whole process, though I guess I don't really have any proof that he didn't make up the part about the cavity being a little bit bigger than expected, and to convince me of his case, he used Novocaine and in my numbed state, he decided to go nuts with the drill. What I can tell you for sure is that I didn't get feeling back on the right side of my face for three or four hours, so he could have been doing anything in my mouth while I was on the chair. No, don't go there.
That makes this post my unofficial apology for implying I was the victim of medical revenue-generating practices. A little skepticism can be good, on occasion, but generally it is probably a better idea than not to trust your various medical professionals - except for that guy behind the liquor store named Doc. He should not be trusted under any circumstances.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Michigan's Greatest Gift
On one May 24th, 1982 morning or night on a day that was either rainy, sunny, overcast, or night time, Michigan was granted its greatest natural gift throughout all of history, me.
Yes, today is my 27th birthday and I am happy to be mildly celebrating all weekend long. Last night, Maureen took me to dinner at Michael Symon's downtown Detroit restaurant, Roast, in the newly-restored Westin Book Cadillac Hotel, today I will be attending my first Tiger game of the 2009 calendar year with 8 other individuals, and tomorrow I will be working, but with less intensity than a normal Monday. I may even stop by a friends' place for some backyard barbecue. Most importantly, my parents purchased a whole CostCo cake before they went to go visit my sister and her family in Minnesota and we have (no kidding) 7 containers of Edy's ice cream in the refridgerator. Birthday is no birthday without a whole CostCo cake and 7 containers of Edy's ice cream.
Tomorrow, instead of wishing people the usual and oh so overused "Happy Memorial Day!!", wish them "Happy Day After Ken's Birthday!!" They'll know exactly what you're talking about and together, you can reminisce about the good times, the bad times, the hard times, and the medium times you have shared thinking about, discussing, and writing songs and poems for me. Enjoy this random video of my nephew. It's my birthday gift for me to you.
Yes, today is my 27th birthday and I am happy to be mildly celebrating all weekend long. Last night, Maureen took me to dinner at Michael Symon's downtown Detroit restaurant, Roast, in the newly-restored Westin Book Cadillac Hotel, today I will be attending my first Tiger game of the 2009 calendar year with 8 other individuals, and tomorrow I will be working, but with less intensity than a normal Monday. I may even stop by a friends' place for some backyard barbecue. Most importantly, my parents purchased a whole CostCo cake before they went to go visit my sister and her family in Minnesota and we have (no kidding) 7 containers of Edy's ice cream in the refridgerator. Birthday is no birthday without a whole CostCo cake and 7 containers of Edy's ice cream.
Tomorrow, instead of wishing people the usual and oh so overused "Happy Memorial Day!!", wish them "Happy Day After Ken's Birthday!!" They'll know exactly what you're talking about and together, you can reminisce about the good times, the bad times, the hard times, and the medium times you have shared thinking about, discussing, and writing songs and poems for me. Enjoy this random video of my nephew. It's my birthday gift for me to you.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Fleeced, Part 1
Like so many Americans, I am not a medical professional, and therefore, I depend on medical professionals for the best advice, insight, and feedback on all things medical. This includes physicians, surgeons, dermatologists, and dentists. Every once in a while, I get the strong feeling that, while not entirely trying to screw me, some of these medical professionals are focusing a little bit too much on the revenue-generating side of the business and they don't necessarily give me the best input. I really like our family dentist and will keep going there happily, but in 2 out of my last 3 biannual checkups, I have some sneaking and growing suspicions, and I wanted to throw a question out there to my vast dentist reading community. There is even an entire website called DentistsLoveWeAreOfMichigan.blogspot.com dedicated to dentists who love me, so I don't want to alienate those fans.
Three checkups ago, my brother and I were both told, within a couple of weeks, that crowns were the best way for us to go to deal with a tooth issue. At first, I was excited that the dentist was going to make an entirely separate appointment to make and place a bejeweled ornamental headpiece on my head, but then I found out that they were going to cut off part of my tooth and put a new piece on top of the tooth stump. Again I'm no dentist so I don't know the real reasons why a crown would be necessary, but I'm a very regular brusher and flosser, had no tooth pain whatsoever, and I never heard about any of my peers who had crowns. The fact that Steve and I were both recommended crowns within a couple weeks seemed too much a coincidence to be coincidence.
My most recent concern regards the checkup I had Thursday morning. Again, in general, my teeth were pristine, but the hygienist had a small concern about two small areas on my teeth. The dentist came in and took a look, and he was not able to immediately discern whether or not these were cavities. At this point, they brought in a cavity-detecting laser that they stick against your teeth, and it registers a reading between 0-99. 99 means your tooth is like a mealy apple. The dentist indicated to me that a reading between 20-30 indicates the start of a cavity, and one of the areas on my teeth registered a 24 and one a 28. Because of this, I have to again return next week for some very minor filling work that likely won't even require numbing.
First, I don't have proof that someone in the room was fiddling around with the dials to put in whatever number he/she saw fit, let alone that the laser has the ability to detect cavities. It's hard to look around with an implement stuck in your craw. Second, are the readings of a 24 and 28 even filling-worthy? I mean, the dial goes all the way up to 99. Are these guaranteed to turn into cavities, or is this a fine opportunity to hit up insurance and my co-pay for a few extra bucks? This isn't a conspiracy theory or rallying against the vast health care machine, but every once in a while, maybe it's right to ask the question - is this really necessary?
Three checkups ago, my brother and I were both told, within a couple of weeks, that crowns were the best way for us to go to deal with a tooth issue. At first, I was excited that the dentist was going to make an entirely separate appointment to make and place a bejeweled ornamental headpiece on my head, but then I found out that they were going to cut off part of my tooth and put a new piece on top of the tooth stump. Again I'm no dentist so I don't know the real reasons why a crown would be necessary, but I'm a very regular brusher and flosser, had no tooth pain whatsoever, and I never heard about any of my peers who had crowns. The fact that Steve and I were both recommended crowns within a couple weeks seemed too much a coincidence to be coincidence.
My most recent concern regards the checkup I had Thursday morning. Again, in general, my teeth were pristine, but the hygienist had a small concern about two small areas on my teeth. The dentist came in and took a look, and he was not able to immediately discern whether or not these were cavities. At this point, they brought in a cavity-detecting laser that they stick against your teeth, and it registers a reading between 0-99. 99 means your tooth is like a mealy apple. The dentist indicated to me that a reading between 20-30 indicates the start of a cavity, and one of the areas on my teeth registered a 24 and one a 28. Because of this, I have to again return next week for some very minor filling work that likely won't even require numbing.
First, I don't have proof that someone in the room was fiddling around with the dials to put in whatever number he/she saw fit, let alone that the laser has the ability to detect cavities. It's hard to look around with an implement stuck in your craw. Second, are the readings of a 24 and 28 even filling-worthy? I mean, the dial goes all the way up to 99. Are these guaranteed to turn into cavities, or is this a fine opportunity to hit up insurance and my co-pay for a few extra bucks? This isn't a conspiracy theory or rallying against the vast health care machine, but every once in a while, maybe it's right to ask the question - is this really necessary?
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
The Evils of Antiperspirant
On with my week of the world of Ken's personal grooming.
This is a philosophy that my brother has adhered to for years, and because it is among the most counter-intuitive theories I have ever heard, I pushed back against it for many moons. This concept holds that antiperspirant actually causes the body to sweat more than just wearing deodorant. "CRAZY!" you say? I thought so too, but I am a complete and total convert to the joys of deodorant-sans-aluminum.
Steve postulates that antiperspirant, when applied, acts as a firm but extremely temporary barrier against the sweats. However, as your body wants and needs to sweat, the heat builds and it pushes against this barrier until, eventually, this barrier breaks down. At this point, the floodgates are open and you are going to have all kinds of sweaty armpits. The antiperspirant experiences a critical failure event from which it cannot recover.
Now, I have have suffered from the malady of sweaty body parts for my whole life. I had tried every single brand, scent, and type of antiperspirant out there. Solids, gels, solid gels, and soft solids have all failed in their effort to keep me from sweating. I've even tried products marketed specifically to not-men, because hell, they couldn't possibly be worse than all of the previous failures. There was a brief period of time where I experienced some success with the clickable Old Spice Red Zone, but like the borg, my body adapted and learned how to defeat this brand. Most recently, I felt optimistic when some of the more mainstream companies started producing and marketing "prescription strength" antiperspirants which recommend you go out of your way to put them on at night and slaughter a lamb as a sacrifice to ensure successful wetness defeating. I tell you all this because I need you to know that I have done, seen, and tried it all in this realm of consumer packaged goods. For business meetings, I had conceded to the fact that for my entire life, I would never be able to wear anything other than a white colored shirt.
Several months ago, fed up with years of failure, I finally gave in to at least trying Steve's anti-antiperspirant theory because, again, it couldn't be worse than the rest. After one day of trial, I was a convert. I could sit through and present in meetings with nary a wet spot. I could not believe how much of an instant difference it could make - specifically with a product intended to be the more wet version of the product that made me crazy wet. Since this time, I have continued to successfully and happily use only deodorant. I have also started to spread this theory to other people I know and, at the very least, they were happy to report that they were not sweating any more than if they were using the devil's product, antiperspirant. As added benefits, the aluminum that is in antiperspirant is what turns the armpits in our favorite t-shirts that depressing shade of yellow and, some people hypothesize, could have some sort of cancerous implications. Cancerous as in cancer, though this is still only alleged.
To this day, I continue to find it crazy that the product intended to do one thing has the complete opposite and deleterious effect. Whole world, rebel against antiperspirant. Embrace your friend in deodorant and overcome your doubt. It took me years to finally give it a shot, but now when I'm at a sporting event, I can throw my arms into the air for the wave like all the other Sure fans.
This is a philosophy that my brother has adhered to for years, and because it is among the most counter-intuitive theories I have ever heard, I pushed back against it for many moons. This concept holds that antiperspirant actually causes the body to sweat more than just wearing deodorant. "CRAZY!" you say? I thought so too, but I am a complete and total convert to the joys of deodorant-sans-aluminum.
Steve postulates that antiperspirant, when applied, acts as a firm but extremely temporary barrier against the sweats. However, as your body wants and needs to sweat, the heat builds and it pushes against this barrier until, eventually, this barrier breaks down. At this point, the floodgates are open and you are going to have all kinds of sweaty armpits. The antiperspirant experiences a critical failure event from which it cannot recover.
Now, I have have suffered from the malady of sweaty body parts for my whole life. I had tried every single brand, scent, and type of antiperspirant out there. Solids, gels, solid gels, and soft solids have all failed in their effort to keep me from sweating. I've even tried products marketed specifically to not-men, because hell, they couldn't possibly be worse than all of the previous failures. There was a brief period of time where I experienced some success with the clickable Old Spice Red Zone, but like the borg, my body adapted and learned how to defeat this brand. Most recently, I felt optimistic when some of the more mainstream companies started producing and marketing "prescription strength" antiperspirants which recommend you go out of your way to put them on at night and slaughter a lamb as a sacrifice to ensure successful wetness defeating. I tell you all this because I need you to know that I have done, seen, and tried it all in this realm of consumer packaged goods. For business meetings, I had conceded to the fact that for my entire life, I would never be able to wear anything other than a white colored shirt.
Several months ago, fed up with years of failure, I finally gave in to at least trying Steve's anti-antiperspirant theory because, again, it couldn't be worse than the rest. After one day of trial, I was a convert. I could sit through and present in meetings with nary a wet spot. I could not believe how much of an instant difference it could make - specifically with a product intended to be the more wet version of the product that made me crazy wet. Since this time, I have continued to successfully and happily use only deodorant. I have also started to spread this theory to other people I know and, at the very least, they were happy to report that they were not sweating any more than if they were using the devil's product, antiperspirant. As added benefits, the aluminum that is in antiperspirant is what turns the armpits in our favorite t-shirts that depressing shade of yellow and, some people hypothesize, could have some sort of cancerous implications. Cancerous as in cancer, though this is still only alleged.
To this day, I continue to find it crazy that the product intended to do one thing has the complete opposite and deleterious effect. Whole world, rebel against antiperspirant. Embrace your friend in deodorant and overcome your doubt. It took me years to finally give it a shot, but now when I'm at a sporting event, I can throw my arms into the air for the wave like all the other Sure fans.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Tear that Shiz Down
The Michigan Central Depot has stood vacant and utterly abandoned since the fine year of 1988 in honor of my sixth birthday. Well, abandoned except for the occasional movie that films scenes in the Central Depot intended to represent something along the lines of "really cool decay and dereliction." The depot stands almost immediately west of the heart of downtown Detroit and I'm pretty sure is meant to remind us of ineffective leaders who can decide neither to tear the thing down or to try to remodel it. On April 7th, 2009, the Detroit City Council finally passed a resolution aimed at tearing down the depot. A resolution in and of itself is still miles from actual demolition, but it's a step in one specific direction. The Freep and Detroit News are both reporting today that the city council is delaying its decision to raze the depot. Here's where, I think, this gets ridiculous.After 20+ years, the attorney for the company that owns the land stated that "the company needed a 'reasonable period of time to come up with development plans.'" For small decisions, a reasonable amount of time is somewhere between 5 and 30 seconds, as in, "Should I buy that pack of gum? Yes!!" For moderate decisions, a reasonable amount of time is 1 hour-7 days, like "How many buffets should I eat at on my honeymoon? At least five!" Large decisions can take anywhere from 1 day - 3 months, and huge, gigantic, massive, decisions should take between 2 weeks and 2 years. The company that owns this spot on earth has had 20 years to figure out what they should do with their property, and in the hopes of free money for "urban renewal" or "tax subsidies for casinos", they have let it just sit there, like a steaming pile of Taj Mahal-shaped dog poo. It might be shaped like something beautiful, but it's still a pile of poo.
I know it would be pretty freaking awesome if Detroit could somehow pull it together to restore the Central Depot. Estimates for restoration have generally ranged between $80M-$300M, and different people have suggested many different uses for the depot, including housing the Detroit police headquarters and possibly even a casino. The land that holds the depot belongs to a guy by the name of Matty Moroun - the same guy who owns the Ambassador Bridge - and this guy is a billionaire. I am the last person who wants to ever let go of the past, but it is time to let go of this past. It would probably be cheaper to raze the whole building and build a full-scale replica of the Central Depot on the exact same spot than to rebuild and remodel within the existing decrepit infrastructure. The council was on the path to finally making a decision, but maybe 20 more years well help the owners figure out what do to with the spot? We can't wait and hope that Transformer 3: The Revenge of Transformation will film at the Central Depot.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Body Wash
I absolutely do not understand body wash. My whole life my parents raised me as a bar soap kind of guy, but at some point in the last ten years, I became aware of the body wash product. I'm not quite sure when or how it happened, but somewhere along the line, manufacturers decided that they could screw consumers by putting an inferior washing quality product into a bottle, marking it up quite a large percentage, and then because it seems to go away so much faster than bar soap, people have to run to the store to purchase even more of the inferior cleaning product. The only reason I am periodically confronted with the issue of body wash is that sometimes I need to shower at Maureen's place and she often has only body wash available. I'm looking to find some supporters to explain to me why they want to pay more, more often, for a product that does not even clean their body. Here are just some of the reasons why body wash blows:
1) The aforementioned price issue
2) It never gets lathery enough
3) Because it never gets lathery enough, I have to use a large amount to hit the unusually high amount of surface area on my body
4) Even with the most vigorous effort, the body wash never seems to find its way into all the crevices of my man bits
5) The body wash never seems to permeate to the skin on any part of my body that contains hair - and genetically I just don't have very much hair aside from my head
6) Once finally on the body, the body wash takes forever to wash off, and I'm not sure it actually all ever comes off
7) It's easy to mistake body wash for something else, leading to potentially embarrassing shower situations
8) I heard that Hitler preferred body wash
9) That stupid Old Spice commercial with that Minotaur using Old Spice body wash. He must have an incredibly hard time based on point 5, see above. This is just false advertising. I'm pretty sure that all Minotaurs prefer Dove bars of soap.
10) This is my first list of 1o things ever on my blog, and I don't have a tenth point, so my tenth point is about the fact that this is the first list of 10 things on my blog.
I know that you're asking yourself "After this much time away from the blog and with all the things going on out there, why is this his post?" Because I've held my public silence about body wash too long. I can not be silenced any longer, and you all deserve to agree with me.
Stay tuned over the next couple days for my brother's very true theory about antiperspirant vs. deodorant. The world needs to know. I'd also like to thank my brand new blog sponsor, Old Spice. I love that commercial with the Minotaur.
1) The aforementioned price issue
2) It never gets lathery enough
3) Because it never gets lathery enough, I have to use a large amount to hit the unusually high amount of surface area on my body
4) Even with the most vigorous effort, the body wash never seems to find its way into all the crevices of my man bits
5) The body wash never seems to permeate to the skin on any part of my body that contains hair - and genetically I just don't have very much hair aside from my head
6) Once finally on the body, the body wash takes forever to wash off, and I'm not sure it actually all ever comes off
7) It's easy to mistake body wash for something else, leading to potentially embarrassing shower situations
8) I heard that Hitler preferred body wash
9) That stupid Old Spice commercial with that Minotaur using Old Spice body wash. He must have an incredibly hard time based on point 5, see above. This is just false advertising. I'm pretty sure that all Minotaurs prefer Dove bars of soap.
10) This is my first list of 1o things ever on my blog, and I don't have a tenth point, so my tenth point is about the fact that this is the first list of 10 things on my blog.
I know that you're asking yourself "After this much time away from the blog and with all the things going on out there, why is this his post?" Because I've held my public silence about body wash too long. I can not be silenced any longer, and you all deserve to agree with me.
Stay tuned over the next couple days for my brother's very true theory about antiperspirant vs. deodorant. The world needs to know. I'd also like to thank my brand new blog sponsor, Old Spice. I love that commercial with the Minotaur.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
This Post is a Cop Out
My tummy has been incredibly full of work this week and this has made it particularly hard to find blog time. That is why, tonight, I am simply going to post a video from YouTube that is better than anything I could ever write. Hopefully things will calm down by tomorrow night and I can again focus my attention on all of the things I would like to not have to focus my attention on. Stupid "the present".
Monday, May 11, 2009
Please Stay Put
Here I am, living my life, most certainly not oblivious to most of Michigan's daily challenges. Then, out of the blue, something new comes along and smacks you right in the face. Whether or not this is a legitimate concern or real story is up for discussion, but I do not like that this is yet another thing piled onto the plate and I did not even realize it was something requiring concern.
I was startled earlier this morning to read the headline "GM Ducks Question About Moving HQ" in The Freep and immediately more or less started to calmly freak out. Moving headquarters out of Detroit? Southeast Michigan? Michigan? The Midwest? The U.S.?
A little more reading over the course of the day has led to different types of speculation with varying degree of doom. Fortune reports "GM Home Likely to Stay Put in Detroit" and someone somewhere else speculated that GM may consolidate its operations into the expansive technical center in Warren.
From a business standpoint, I can't speak in depth to the benefits of GM moving HQ from one place to another, but from a Michigan standpoint, I hope to all gods of all religions that GM can find success while staying put in the Renaissance Center. In fact, I there aren't too many things worse for the state than GM moving out of the D. Michigan needs a healthy Detroit in its ongoing fight to change perception of Michigan as a whole. GM has put in a considerable amount of money toward this end - from massively overhauling the RenCen to funding a significant portion of the RiverWalk to bringing additional employees downtown to fill Detroit's streets and stores, and probably lots of things I can't recall off the top of my head. First and foremost, GM cannot leave Michigan, but just leaving Detroit, even for Warren, would be a painful blow.
If Fritz H. is out there and happens to be a fan of my blog (hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha), please do everything in your power to keep GM in Detroit and Michigan. On top of that, if you could help make the company profitable, viable, secure, and environmentally friendly, that would be swell. No problem, right? Right?
I was startled earlier this morning to read the headline "GM Ducks Question About Moving HQ" in The Freep and immediately more or less started to calmly freak out. Moving headquarters out of Detroit? Southeast Michigan? Michigan? The Midwest? The U.S.?
A little more reading over the course of the day has led to different types of speculation with varying degree of doom. Fortune reports "GM Home Likely to Stay Put in Detroit" and someone somewhere else speculated that GM may consolidate its operations into the expansive technical center in Warren.
From a business standpoint, I can't speak in depth to the benefits of GM moving HQ from one place to another, but from a Michigan standpoint, I hope to all gods of all religions that GM can find success while staying put in the Renaissance Center. In fact, I there aren't too many things worse for the state than GM moving out of the D. Michigan needs a healthy Detroit in its ongoing fight to change perception of Michigan as a whole. GM has put in a considerable amount of money toward this end - from massively overhauling the RenCen to funding a significant portion of the RiverWalk to bringing additional employees downtown to fill Detroit's streets and stores, and probably lots of things I can't recall off the top of my head. First and foremost, GM cannot leave Michigan, but just leaving Detroit, even for Warren, would be a painful blow.
If Fritz H. is out there and happens to be a fan of my blog (hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha), please do everything in your power to keep GM in Detroit and Michigan. On top of that, if you could help make the company profitable, viable, secure, and environmentally friendly, that would be swell. No problem, right? Right?
Thursday, May 7, 2009
A Foote By Any Other Name
There are those of us out there like me - and probably you if you read my blog. Either that or you love cleverness and insane hilarity. One of these people is Larry Foote.
As reported yesterday, Larry Foote, professional football linebacker, is joining the Detroit Lions with a one year contract. That is just about the most kick ass thing I could imagine, for a few different reasons.
Foote is from Detroit, played football at Detroit Pershing and the University of Michigan, and is one of those people out there who gives me the little glimmer of hope and pride I need to keep going sometimes. He has two Super Bowl championships with the Pittsburgh Steelers and was released from his contract to make room for a recent Pittsburgh draft choice. Over the past years, Foote has spoken glowlingly about the possibility of returning to Detroit to play football for the Lions, despite their abysmal suckiness. He is a guy who absolutely loves Detroit, and is of Michigan. Here's a passage from Michael Rosenberg's column in The Free Press today.
There are a few things you need to understand about Foote. One is that he is a Detroiter and absolutely loves the city. He plans to live here for the rest of his life, no matter where his football career takes him.
On nighttime national TV broadcasts, when players are asked to introduce themselves to the audience by announcing their name, position and college, Foote always says "Larry Foote, linebacker, Detroit Pershing Doughboys."
There are many reasons why Foote is coming to the Lions, but the fact that he seems to truly love the city, despite its numerous bumps and bruises, makes me want to give him a big huge hug and take him out to dinner. I don't think any one individual can be a savior for a football team, but that doesn't matter. It makes me more proud to know that other people are proud - especially rich and famous people who could go anywhere and afford anything.
All of this is why I am proud to announce the unendorsed and completely unaware officially unofficial mascot of We Are Of Michigan, Larry Foote. I will donate 10 cents for every tackle that he makes for the Lions from my left pocket to my right pocket.
If you have the love, spread it around - let it be known. Larry Foote, unofficial and totally unaware mascot of We Are Of Michigan, agrees with and supports you.
As reported yesterday, Larry Foote, professional football linebacker, is joining the Detroit Lions with a one year contract. That is just about the most kick ass thing I could imagine, for a few different reasons.
Foote is from Detroit, played football at Detroit Pershing and the University of Michigan, and is one of those people out there who gives me the little glimmer of hope and pride I need to keep going sometimes. He has two Super Bowl championships with the Pittsburgh Steelers and was released from his contract to make room for a recent Pittsburgh draft choice. Over the past years, Foote has spoken glowlingly about the possibility of returning to Detroit to play football for the Lions, despite their abysmal suckiness. He is a guy who absolutely loves Detroit, and is of Michigan. Here's a passage from Michael Rosenberg's column in The Free Press today.
There are a few things you need to understand about Foote. One is that he is a Detroiter and absolutely loves the city. He plans to live here for the rest of his life, no matter where his football career takes him.
On nighttime national TV broadcasts, when players are asked to introduce themselves to the audience by announcing their name, position and college, Foote always says "Larry Foote, linebacker, Detroit Pershing Doughboys."
There are many reasons why Foote is coming to the Lions, but the fact that he seems to truly love the city, despite its numerous bumps and bruises, makes me want to give him a big huge hug and take him out to dinner. I don't think any one individual can be a savior for a football team, but that doesn't matter. It makes me more proud to know that other people are proud - especially rich and famous people who could go anywhere and afford anything.
All of this is why I am proud to announce the unendorsed and completely unaware officially unofficial mascot of We Are Of Michigan, Larry Foote. I will donate 10 cents for every tackle that he makes for the Lions from my left pocket to my right pocket.
If you have the love, spread it around - let it be known. Larry Foote, unofficial and totally unaware mascot of We Are Of Michigan, agrees with and supports you.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
I'm Home
Friends, Countrymen, Fellow Michigan People, Lovers -
I apologize for not posting to let the loyal fans out there know that I was going to be out of town from last Friday until right at this second. I was going to write something on Thursday night and pretty much completely ran out of town. I was literally doing work up until the moment I walked out the door to start the trip. In my dreams, at some point in the future my lack of posts may cause a few people to leave comments saying something like "Ken, where are you? My life is not quite the same without your insight." Maybe some day...
I love being home.
Over the past five days, I had the privilege to travel to Arizona with 5 other truly fantastic and fun people to hike around and soak up some nature. We had a blast, but there is something so satisfying to me about the feeling of cruising back to my home through Michigan's streets and walking into my home through the side door. As fun as vacation always is, I often also find happiness at the end of the trip when I get to complete one-ness with my home state. It's something about the air, the smell, my legacy connection, our shared mutual struggles that shape us together - vacation starts and ends at home.
I apologize for not posting to let the loyal fans out there know that I was going to be out of town from last Friday until right at this second. I was going to write something on Thursday night and pretty much completely ran out of town. I was literally doing work up until the moment I walked out the door to start the trip. In my dreams, at some point in the future my lack of posts may cause a few people to leave comments saying something like "Ken, where are you? My life is not quite the same without your insight." Maybe some day...
I love being home.
Over the past five days, I had the privilege to travel to Arizona with 5 other truly fantastic and fun people to hike around and soak up some nature. We had a blast, but there is something so satisfying to me about the feeling of cruising back to my home through Michigan's streets and walking into my home through the side door. As fun as vacation always is, I often also find happiness at the end of the trip when I get to complete one-ness with my home state. It's something about the air, the smell, my legacy connection, our shared mutual struggles that shape us together - vacation starts and ends at home.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Those Beautiful Trees that Smell Like Poop
The title says it all, folks. I love almost everything about spring, even when the dogs get really wet and muddy from all of the rain. Ah, there is nothing better than the start of baseball, the greening of the trees overhanging the streets in Royal Oak and across Michigan, people returning to the outdoors - it's just about perfect. The singular thing that I absolutely hate about spring are those terrible, horrid, disgusting flowering white trees with blossoms that smell like a combination of turd and vomit. An almighty creator was in the midst of creating these trees on the 6th day, but then got a serious case of food poisoning and really screwed something up. People say that God is infallible, but this is the closest evidence in nature I have to a couple of mistakes here and there. I'm not insulting your faith, just these trees. From everything I can tell, they are called "bradford pear trees", but instead I call them "those trees that smell like poop and make me want to die."These trees range from quite small to gigantic, and the bigger the tree, the bigger the dump you think someone took on your lawn. They line the streets of Ann Arbor, are incredibly prominent along most of the path of my run, and make me love life just a little bit less. The most frustrating thing about them is that they are visually pretty and they seem to be fairly robust, and I fear that their popularity is picking up steam. If only people would get close enough to smell and realize where that smell is coming from, I think that could finally be the end of the bradford pear tree. Go out for a walk, and when you think you stepped in something, you're standing near a bradford pear tree.
I am a bit hypersensitive when it comes to all of my senses - taste, touch, smell, hearing, telekinesis - and often when I am bothered by something, I am overreacting to reality. In the case of these trees, I am dead on. The smell invades your lungs and makes it hard to breathe. Similar to how I want less nuts in my trail mix, I want less of these trees on the planet.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Thanks 'Stones
Unlike the past several years, sports fans (and unwitting significant others of sports fans) will not have the privilege to cheer for our Detroit Pistons until the very end of spring. For the past decade+, the Pistons have been a successful force in professional basketball. They have won a championship, barely lost in the finals the following year (Bowen!!!!), and have consistently gone deep into the playoffs. They proudly represented Detroit's "every man" work ethic and maintained a streak of consistent basketball dominance. Dominance doesn't necessarily mean "best team in basketball", but they were a part of basketball's ruling elite for consecutive years. This group of core individuals really defined and stayed true to the concept of team, and the fans gave their Pistons an abundant supply of support (and money).
Without going into the specifics of when, over the last year or so, our team fell off of its leadership perch. The team aged, a key player was traded, coaches changed many times over, and many of the guys on the team seemed to turn into a group of grumbling and complaining old men shaking their fists at the basketball authorities and unkindly asking them to "get off their lawn." You know things were getting hard when the team thought they were playing basketball on a lawn.
This weekend, the end came swiftly when the Cleveland Cavaliers swept the Pistons out of the playoffs in the first round. For the few minutes I caught of several of the games, it didn't seem like the Pistons cared. The Cavaliers would drive to the hoop, take a brief respite in the key for tea, and then finish off the scoring drive without any interference from the Pistons. It was like our boys couldn't be bothered to participate. It was sad and difficult to watch after so much success, strength, and swagger, but the end was bound to come, and we could see it coming for the past couple years.
With the series being so difficult to watch and the unceremonious ending, I haven't been surprised by the negative onslaught toward the Pistons from fans and media. It was ugly and people are right to feel disappointed, but you shouldn't allow this year to tarnish the years of fun, excitement, and success the Pistons provided to Michigan sports fans. Perhaps people are angry because the Pistons downfall seems to mirror the current struggles of much of Michigan, and every single loss hits a little bit too close to home.
I would love the Pistons to return to the highs of years past sooner rather than later, but I also hope team ownership, management, and all of the players feel the pride they imparted to me and others as we were able to throw ourselves into the Pistons every spring during the playoff run. The end, as with every end, is difficult to take, but the rest was so damn fun.
Without going into the specifics of when, over the last year or so, our team fell off of its leadership perch. The team aged, a key player was traded, coaches changed many times over, and many of the guys on the team seemed to turn into a group of grumbling and complaining old men shaking their fists at the basketball authorities and unkindly asking them to "get off their lawn." You know things were getting hard when the team thought they were playing basketball on a lawn.
This weekend, the end came swiftly when the Cleveland Cavaliers swept the Pistons out of the playoffs in the first round. For the few minutes I caught of several of the games, it didn't seem like the Pistons cared. The Cavaliers would drive to the hoop, take a brief respite in the key for tea, and then finish off the scoring drive without any interference from the Pistons. It was like our boys couldn't be bothered to participate. It was sad and difficult to watch after so much success, strength, and swagger, but the end was bound to come, and we could see it coming for the past couple years.
With the series being so difficult to watch and the unceremonious ending, I haven't been surprised by the negative onslaught toward the Pistons from fans and media. It was ugly and people are right to feel disappointed, but you shouldn't allow this year to tarnish the years of fun, excitement, and success the Pistons provided to Michigan sports fans. Perhaps people are angry because the Pistons downfall seems to mirror the current struggles of much of Michigan, and every single loss hits a little bit too close to home.
I would love the Pistons to return to the highs of years past sooner rather than later, but I also hope team ownership, management, and all of the players feel the pride they imparted to me and others as we were able to throw ourselves into the Pistons every spring during the playoff run. The end, as with every end, is difficult to take, but the rest was so damn fun.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Auto-Tune is Ruining the World
I'm not normally one to throw in a video that is completely irrelevant to anything else, but I saw this just a few minutes ago on TV Squad and I thought it warranted further exposure to the We Are Of Michigan family (and we are family, so get ready to give me your kidneys when I need them). There are two reasons why I wanted to include this video. First, I haven't had anything multimedia (even non-moving pictures) in my blog in quite some time. Second, this video is based on a technology called Auto-Tune that I absolutely hate (you can read more about it here). This technology takes anything that you are saying/singing, and puts it exactly on key. It's nifty technology, but it completely removes the need for actually having talent. It's a performance enhancer, just like steroids, viagra, or my pheromones. If Auto-Tune is legal for artists to make billions of dollars performing, why is it not OK for athletes to use steroids for the same purpose? I'm not saying that I am pro-steroid use (definitely not), but I feel this is an apt analogy (otherwise I would not have attempted to use it). If you require technology to make you sound good, you shouldn't be in the business of sounding good. There have also been numerous artists who do not sound good and still have figured out how to make money with their talent (Neil Young), so stop cheating already! Auto-Tune is Ruining the World, and you know it's true as soon as Katie Couric and Hillary Clinton have teamed up in a single that could legitimately make it onto the Billboard Hot 100. However, this video is pretty cool and I have no problem using Auto-Tune for this kind of thing. Shawty.
New Marketing Approach: Our Air Won't Kill You Any Faster
A couple days after Earth Day, 2009, let's all take a moment to celebrate this article from The Detroit News. I have some Simpsons reference on the tip of my brain based on the reading, but I just can't bring it to full recall, so you and I will both have to imagine that whatever I was going to say here was going to be absolutely hilarious.
In the article, it states “Metro Detroit and its surrounding counties now are considered within the federal standards for the amount of smog in the air.” This indicates that prior to April 2009, Metro Detroit was not within federal standards for the amount of smog in the air. I would be interested (and probably could find out with the slightest bit of research) to find out if metro LA meets EPA standards and other places that are known for their smog and other gross air thingies. Michigan should really latch on to this type of standard-matching feedback and develop some momentum behind it. “Michigan: The number of people who die in factory accidents is not significantly greater than other states.” I want to celebrate our no-longer-failed grades in air quality, but it’s too bad that this topic even required a mention. It’s not like you would say to someone on your first date “Good news Jill ! I no longer have herpes.” Maybe you would say that on your first date, but then it is very unlikely that you are the kind of person who has first dates.
In the article, it states “Metro Detroit and its surrounding counties now are considered within the federal standards for the amount of smog in the air.” This indicates that prior to April 2009, Metro Detroit was not within federal standards for the amount of smog in the air. I would be interested (and probably could find out with the slightest bit of research) to find out if metro LA meets EPA standards and other places that are known for their smog and other gross air thingies. Michigan should really latch on to this type of standard-matching feedback and develop some momentum behind it. “Michigan: The number of people who die in factory accidents is not significantly greater than other states.” I want to celebrate our no-longer-failed grades in air quality, but it’s too bad that this topic even required a mention. It’s not like you would say to someone on your first date “Good news Jill ! I no longer have herpes.” Maybe you would say that on your first date, but then it is very unlikely that you are the kind of person who has first dates.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Where are you Going?
I find the airline industry fascinating. Perhaps of the many things that fascinate me in this business is that at all times of the day, there are is a subset of several people in one location who want/need to go to every other location in the world. Right now it is Wednesday at 8:40 pm PST and I am sitting in the San Francisco Airport waiting for my 9:40 flight back to Detroit (unfortunately I will not be able to post this until I am back in Royal Oak with an internet connection. Seriously, what is up with that? The airport is 20 minutes from the most technologically based center in the world and they charge you for airport internet access. That makes no sense). This flight does not get back home until 5:00 am, at which point I need to groggily drive back to my home to grab a few hours of sleep. This isn’t the most pleasant time to fly, and I always get so hungry on red-eyes that I want to eat my arm. Despite these facts, this flight is absolutely, totally , completely full. How can that be?
I absolutely love Michigan and it is the place that I want to be, but I can think of no possible reason that this many people have a reason to take an overnight flight from San Francisco to Detroit. I imagine some of them have connecting flights out of DTW, some of them are on business (though probably not many – Wednesday night is a pretty light business travel night), and some of them live in Michigan, but it’s hard for me to imagine that the combination of these three things amounts to a completely full airplane. It’s an enigma to which I will likely never know the answer, and the next random night I’m flying from California to Detroit, I bet you that plane will be completely full as well. I don’t claim to fully understand the business model, but with all of the newer flying fees (I had to pay $50 extra for something called an “ego accommodation fee”) and full airplanes, is it even possible for the airline business to make a profit?
I absolutely love Michigan and it is the place that I want to be, but I can think of no possible reason that this many people have a reason to take an overnight flight from San Francisco to Detroit. I imagine some of them have connecting flights out of DTW, some of them are on business (though probably not many – Wednesday night is a pretty light business travel night), and some of them live in Michigan, but it’s hard for me to imagine that the combination of these three things amounts to a completely full airplane. It’s an enigma to which I will likely never know the answer, and the next random night I’m flying from California to Detroit, I bet you that plane will be completely full as well. I don’t claim to fully understand the business model, but with all of the newer flying fees (I had to pay $50 extra for something called an “ego accommodation fee”) and full airplanes, is it even possible for the airline business to make a profit?
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
A Simple Soup and Salad
As you have assuredly been anticipating with excitement, I would like to tell you about my saga yesterday of ordering a soup and salad combo.
For lunch yesterday, my parents, brother, and I headed out to Champps in Troy - a regular family lunch destination. We often head that way because they have an appropriately diverse menu, large portion sizes, and an ice cream dessert big enough to make you want to push over your grandma to eat. One piece of The Mile High Ice Cream Pie is enough for four members of my family, and that is saying a lot. Anyway, I wanted something on the healthier side because I knew I would not be eating that well during my current trip to California, so I ordered a universal menu staple of "Bowl of Soup and Side Salad" with french onion soup and a garden salad. My dad ordered "a cup" of the soup of the day (this is key for later in my story). The first primary offense of the meal was that I absolutely hate when the two items come out at different times. When this happens, I typically remember it is my fault because quite a few restaurants bring out the salad and soup sequentially, but today, THE SOUP CAME OUT BEFORE THE SALAD. On what planet does someone want a garden side salad with light italian dressing as their "entree"? I'll tell you which planet - crazy planet. Not only was it unfortunate that the food came out at different times, but the salad was the main course. I should have remembered to explicitly state "bring out at same time", but also possibly the server should have asked me what would work for me.
The next and more significant sin of the meal was when my soup came out (early), the bowl was the exact same size as my dad's cup of soup. I didn't think too much of it except that it seemed a little bit small, but I assumed I misunderstood my dad's order or something like that. Where it gets really crazy is that as I was trying to nurse this paltry quantity of liquid until everyone else's food arrived, the party at the next table started to get their orders, and they had huge bowls of soup. When the waiter came around again, I asked "is this the bowl of soup" and he said, get this, "yeah, uh, but what we call a bowl is a cup." So I said "what is that they're eating over there," and he said, "that's a crock." On what planet does anyone call a cup a bowl and a bowl a crock? I'll tell you which planet - crazy planet. OK so maybe they have a shifted naming convention, but never in my life have I ordered a "bowl of soup and salad" and not gotten the largest serving size of soup available, except on crazy planet Champps. If you're going to break from all normal practices of the world, at least let me know that a bowl is a cup and a crock is a bowl and that my bowlcup is going to come out 10 hours before my salad. I hope you're as disheveled from this event as I remain, more than 36 hours later.
The last thing that was quite weird about this meal is that the party next to us (the people with the awesome crocks) was some sort of peculiar BMW enthusiast club, or possibly a group of people with 15-20 BMWs who all decided to eat at Champps at the exact same time on Sunday, eat at the same table, and park all of their cars next to each other facing outward. "Hey guys, we're going to lunch. Bring the car!" I don't think I will ever understand roving clubs of BMW enthusiasts. Where were they going next and why were they going there? We don't have sweeping European roads twisting through the hilly countryside, and I don't think you can take road trips in the same way you can if you belong to a biker gang. As best as I could tell, it is a prime opportunity to wear pink polos, pop your collar high, sweep your male bangs to the side of your forehead, and feel superior to all the sad sack non-BMW owners around you.
For lunch yesterday, my parents, brother, and I headed out to Champps in Troy - a regular family lunch destination. We often head that way because they have an appropriately diverse menu, large portion sizes, and an ice cream dessert big enough to make you want to push over your grandma to eat. One piece of The Mile High Ice Cream Pie is enough for four members of my family, and that is saying a lot. Anyway, I wanted something on the healthier side because I knew I would not be eating that well during my current trip to California, so I ordered a universal menu staple of "Bowl of Soup and Side Salad" with french onion soup and a garden salad. My dad ordered "a cup" of the soup of the day (this is key for later in my story). The first primary offense of the meal was that I absolutely hate when the two items come out at different times. When this happens, I typically remember it is my fault because quite a few restaurants bring out the salad and soup sequentially, but today, THE SOUP CAME OUT BEFORE THE SALAD. On what planet does someone want a garden side salad with light italian dressing as their "entree"? I'll tell you which planet - crazy planet. Not only was it unfortunate that the food came out at different times, but the salad was the main course. I should have remembered to explicitly state "bring out at same time", but also possibly the server should have asked me what would work for me.
The next and more significant sin of the meal was when my soup came out (early), the bowl was the exact same size as my dad's cup of soup. I didn't think too much of it except that it seemed a little bit small, but I assumed I misunderstood my dad's order or something like that. Where it gets really crazy is that as I was trying to nurse this paltry quantity of liquid until everyone else's food arrived, the party at the next table started to get their orders, and they had huge bowls of soup. When the waiter came around again, I asked "is this the bowl of soup" and he said, get this, "yeah, uh, but what we call a bowl is a cup." So I said "what is that they're eating over there," and he said, "that's a crock." On what planet does anyone call a cup a bowl and a bowl a crock? I'll tell you which planet - crazy planet. OK so maybe they have a shifted naming convention, but never in my life have I ordered a "bowl of soup and salad" and not gotten the largest serving size of soup available, except on crazy planet Champps. If you're going to break from all normal practices of the world, at least let me know that a bowl is a cup and a crock is a bowl and that my bowlcup is going to come out 10 hours before my salad. I hope you're as disheveled from this event as I remain, more than 36 hours later.
The last thing that was quite weird about this meal is that the party next to us (the people with the awesome crocks) was some sort of peculiar BMW enthusiast club, or possibly a group of people with 15-20 BMWs who all decided to eat at Champps at the exact same time on Sunday, eat at the same table, and park all of their cars next to each other facing outward. "Hey guys, we're going to lunch. Bring the car!" I don't think I will ever understand roving clubs of BMW enthusiasts. Where were they going next and why were they going there? We don't have sweeping European roads twisting through the hilly countryside, and I don't think you can take road trips in the same way you can if you belong to a biker gang. As best as I could tell, it is a prime opportunity to wear pink polos, pop your collar high, sweep your male bangs to the side of your forehead, and feel superior to all the sad sack non-BMW owners around you.
Monday, April 20, 2009
The Wild West
Greetings from the land where everyone is pretty sure they know more about everything than you, California. I have some company business in the massively in debt Golden State until I fly back home overnight on Wednesday into Thursday morning. But don't think this means that I don't have lots to say - like today at lunch I ordered a bowl of soup and salad, and I had two whole reasons to be unhappy with the way things played out. Madness. If things feel a little more lonely in Michigan over the next three days and you're also feeling a hole in your soul that you just can't fill, it's probably because you're feeling the distance between you and me. Fill that hole with Twinkies and Battlestar Galactica, and I'm sure you'll make it through. Fret not.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Choose Wisely
This is a brief story from a few weeks ago that I meant to recap the day after it happened, but then I forgot. Because I've momentarily run out of things to talk about that aren't automobile related (wasn't it great to get zero stories today that didn't include the phrase "bankruptcy looms"?), I decided to go back and pull this 0 karat diamond out of the sack.
On this particularly day a few weeks ago, our 1.5-year-old female dog, Echo, got to that point in her life when she was not only capable, but very interested in baby making. This happens with female dogs about once a year and lasts for two very unfortunate weeks if you're not interested in being the proprietor of puppies. Part of managing this period of time (specifically if you also have a male dog that has fully functioning balls) was to make sure that she always had on a doggie diaper. Doggie diapers aren't much more stylish than baby or reverse baby diapers, so we often would put her in some very stylish dog underpants that were subtly colored and decorated with things like paw prints. For a dog diaper, they were about as cute as you could imagine. One of these days when she was wearing her dog undergarments I decided to take her on a run so I strapped her to my waist and hit the road. Right outside of our front gate was a mom and her three or four children between the ages of 6 and 12. They all kind of took a look at Echo and the mom asked me "We're wondering why your dog is wearing pants."
And I had a difficult choice to make.
All of these children were of the age where as soon as I answered with almost anything to their mom, I would instantly hear the chorus of "Mom, what's that mean?" I didn't want to put the mom in this position, and on top of that, I didn't want to be these children's anti-Peter Pan. "You mean dogs do what? Why do they do that? Gross!!!" My mind raced as I tried to figure out the best possible answer that would be explanatory but cryptic, clear but boring enough to the children that they wouldn't have any followup questions for their mom. I paused for a moment, raised my eyebrows and said, "Uh...she's.....in......season" with an inflection that wasn't quite a question and not quite declaratory. I couldn't have just said something like "we like our dog to wear pants" because that would make me look like a dillhole and if I had to choose between this woman's discomfort or me looking like a dillhole, I'll chose other person's discomfort the great majority of the time.
My main point is that if you see a dog wearing pants around town and there are children nearby, I recommend not asking the dog owner why his dog is wearing pants. If the answer is something non-biological, there is a very good chance that you don't want to be talking to that person in the first place. Dogs can wear sweaters, ponchos, sombreros, sunglasses, Uggs, necklaces, bowties, and gold chains, but never pants.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Demonizing Bonds
One of the most interesting issues (in my partially-informed view) about the slow crawl to nowhere that is this (hopefully not last) U.S. automobile industry chapter is the issue of the bondholders - specifically with respect to General Motors. The issue is quite simple - GM owes about $70B in debt to bondholders and the government is requiring the bondholders forgo a gigantic portion of this debt (somewhere around 80% or so) in exchange for equity (stock "ownership") that may or may not be worth anything weeks or months from now. (At this point, I have noticed that I have used more parentheses than even I typically use in a post, and I typically use a lot of parentheses. My apologies, but not really.) This seems like a good deal, right? If I owe you $70 and I say to you "here's $15, and then you own a small part of me, maybe my two big toes" I would say that I definitely come out ahead on that transaction. How are you supposed to recoup the value of my very valuable big toes? You can't, and that is kind of the situation bondholders are being asked to accept.
This group of debt holders almost entirely holds the key to GM's immediate bankruptcy or non-bankruptcy. If they accept this deal, along with the UAW and similar concessions, the government has indicated they will continue to support GM financially to keep it out of Chapter 11. Because they seemingly hold so much power and have mostly seemed entirely unwilling to compromise, they're kind of coming across and being portrayed as a bunch of huge dicks. I've felt my anger and resentment toward the bondholders growing exponentially as I regularly read articles that say that those with the debt holdings are not budging at all. The pro-GM side of the argument seems obvious as well - if GM does go into bankruptcy, it is likely that the bondholders will end up with even less value from their bonds than GM is currently offering to them. Why not just take the deal and save everyone a little heartache?
Today, I came to the conclusion that while I want nothing more than for the bondholders to take the deal and GM to stay completely out of bankruptcy (everyone loses, but less than in the alternative), this group is getting a little bit of a bum wrap - at least from me. If I give you $5, I sure as sunshine want you to give me back my $5. If I give you $5B, I will handcuff myself to you until you pay me back with interest and maybe a nice big hug because of my benevolent generosity. We're in one of the biggest, craziest, scariest, most ball-bustingest games of chicken of all time, and I fear that neither of these lumbering steamboats are going to swerve. This is a pleasant and unplanned segue into a quote from the brilliant but dead (don't do drugs kids) Mitch Hedberg.
"I wrote a letter to my dad - I wrote, 'I really enjoy being here,' but I accidentally wrote rarely instead of really. But I still wanted to use it so I crossed it out and wrote, 'I rarely drive steamboats, dad - there's a lot of shit you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator.' This letter took a harsh turn right away... "
This group of debt holders almost entirely holds the key to GM's immediate bankruptcy or non-bankruptcy. If they accept this deal, along with the UAW and similar concessions, the government has indicated they will continue to support GM financially to keep it out of Chapter 11. Because they seemingly hold so much power and have mostly seemed entirely unwilling to compromise, they're kind of coming across and being portrayed as a bunch of huge dicks. I've felt my anger and resentment toward the bondholders growing exponentially as I regularly read articles that say that those with the debt holdings are not budging at all. The pro-GM side of the argument seems obvious as well - if GM does go into bankruptcy, it is likely that the bondholders will end up with even less value from their bonds than GM is currently offering to them. Why not just take the deal and save everyone a little heartache?
Today, I came to the conclusion that while I want nothing more than for the bondholders to take the deal and GM to stay completely out of bankruptcy (everyone loses, but less than in the alternative), this group is getting a little bit of a bum wrap - at least from me. If I give you $5, I sure as sunshine want you to give me back my $5. If I give you $5B, I will handcuff myself to you until you pay me back with interest and maybe a nice big hug because of my benevolent generosity. We're in one of the biggest, craziest, scariest, most ball-bustingest games of chicken of all time, and I fear that neither of these lumbering steamboats are going to swerve. This is a pleasant and unplanned segue into a quote from the brilliant but dead (don't do drugs kids) Mitch Hedberg.
"I wrote a letter to my dad - I wrote, 'I really enjoy being here,' but I accidentally wrote rarely instead of really. But I still wanted to use it so I crossed it out and wrote, 'I rarely drive steamboats, dad - there's a lot of shit you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator.' This letter took a harsh turn right away... "
Monday, April 13, 2009
Bang the Drum
After a very nice Easter weekend with no less than 3 family events on Sunday, I was feeling pretty good last night. I had taken care of some work over the weekend, the Tigers had swept their series with the Rangers, I had caught up on most of the reserved shows on my TiVo, and everyone on all sides and angles of the family seemed to be in pretty decent spirits. The weather is currently holding steady in the spring range and Americans seem to be regaining confidence that they can purchase whatever they want with no repercussions. It almost seems like I could start to believe that Michigan will find a way to pull through all of this with some major casualties, but still alive. That is, until The New York Times reports on another story about a possible bankruptcy at GM. At this point, it's not that I have a problem with the specific subject matter of the story. I accept that there are increasing odds that GM will need to file for bankruptcy prior to the June 1st deadline with the intent of quickly emerging from bankruptcy as a leaner, stronger corporation. However, there are (that I can think of right now) two specific things that I find extremely frustrating and upsetting in the way this story continues to evolve.
First, is there any news here beyond a headline from The Wall Street Journal last week that GM is in "earnest and intense preparations" for a bankruptcy filing? This headline was captured by all news dissipation services mid-last week and caused quite a stir at that time. Now, someone rearranged some of the words, added a couple comments about Obama's concerns, and reprinted the article in a different newspaper. Again today, the news dissipation services have grabbed this story and are essentially touting "nothing new to report since last week but here we are reporting it anyway - just to freak you out."
Second, stories like this about GM are always based on people "who are not authorized to speak on the matter." I know that confidential and unauthorized sources are the way that news is created, but Fritz Henderson (GM's current CEO) and Obama have pledged transparency in this subject. If this is the case, why does our fear continue to be driven by unnamed and unauthorized sources? I have as much reason to believe these sources are correct as they are incorrect. Our collective psychology is being ripped around by unnamed sources when what we need, good news or bad, is someone who is authorized to tell us something to tell us the truth.
I don't think anyone can truly know which path is best (short and long-term) for the company, its employees, shareholders, bondholders, communities, and tax recipients, and yet, people argue with so much vigor and certainty about such a complex and wide-ranging issue it amazes me. You don't know the answer, and if you're lucky (not smart), you'll happen to turn out to be right. The next 1-2 months are going to be difficult enough for all of us affected by this story, and this will be made even worse when the story continues to be owned and driven by the mumbling and grumbling of unknown shadowy figures. The truth will likely hurt, but we need to hear it from someone truthful and authorized. Here's hoping for the best (whatever that is).
First, is there any news here beyond a headline from The Wall Street Journal last week that GM is in "earnest and intense preparations" for a bankruptcy filing? This headline was captured by all news dissipation services mid-last week and caused quite a stir at that time. Now, someone rearranged some of the words, added a couple comments about Obama's concerns, and reprinted the article in a different newspaper. Again today, the news dissipation services have grabbed this story and are essentially touting "nothing new to report since last week but here we are reporting it anyway - just to freak you out."
Second, stories like this about GM are always based on people "who are not authorized to speak on the matter." I know that confidential and unauthorized sources are the way that news is created, but Fritz Henderson (GM's current CEO) and Obama have pledged transparency in this subject. If this is the case, why does our fear continue to be driven by unnamed and unauthorized sources? I have as much reason to believe these sources are correct as they are incorrect. Our collective psychology is being ripped around by unnamed sources when what we need, good news or bad, is someone who is authorized to tell us something to tell us the truth.
I don't think anyone can truly know which path is best (short and long-term) for the company, its employees, shareholders, bondholders, communities, and tax recipients, and yet, people argue with so much vigor and certainty about such a complex and wide-ranging issue it amazes me. You don't know the answer, and if you're lucky (not smart), you'll happen to turn out to be right. The next 1-2 months are going to be difficult enough for all of us affected by this story, and this will be made even worse when the story continues to be owned and driven by the mumbling and grumbling of unknown shadowy figures. The truth will likely hurt, but we need to hear it from someone truthful and authorized. Here's hoping for the best (whatever that is).
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
One of Them, One of Us
Yes, for some unknown reason Steve and I continue to watch Heroes. To its credit, the last couple episodes have been far more focused, far less idiotic, and there is a small chance that the show will return to less suck with the full-on return of Mr. Brian Fuller (R.I.P. Pushing Daisies). The only reason I mention this now is because in the show, there are several repetitive mantras and one of those mantras is "One of Them, One of Us." I normally fall asleep before they finish explaining what it means, but I believe it has something to do with teaming up one person with super powers and one person with unsuper powers to do...something - maybe making babies I'm not too sure and I don't care if I ever figure it out. I prefer to think they're making babies.
A couple years ago, Comerica Bank gave Detroit the middle finger when it picked up camp and fled to the second or third nicest sand bucket in Texas, Dallas. They took with them some corporate jobs, an ages-old Detroit institution, and another handful of our local pride. Today, we return that middle finger back to Dallas when home builder Pulte Homes announced they would be purchasing Centex Homes (based in Dallas) to combine to make the biggest home builder in the United States. Shockingly, the home field of this combined corporation is going to be in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan and retain the name Pulte Homes. In some respects, home builders carry some blame for the current economic malaise by producing far too many unnecessary homes, creating a glut of inventory, and driving down the price of your house. This is a bit of a shortsighted view because they would likely not have produced the homes if people who did not qualify for loans were offered loans. All of these issues aside, it's kind of cool to have the biggest home builder in the country based in Bloomfield Hills. Don't get too excited - with the way things are going, there's always a chance that the newspapers tomorrow will be like "April 8th Fools - Pulte's moving to Texas!" but it's one day of decent Michigan corporate news in a sea of less good days. Don't look now, but we have the biggest home builder in the country, the second biggest hub of the largest airline, Little Caesars and Domino's, and 48% of the entire domestic automobile market. With Hollywood essentially deciding that it's moving to Michigan (wouldn't that be awesome? Jerks everywhere - but also maybe a few more jobs) and my blog, Michigan is also well on its way to being the media center of the universe. Now if we could just corner the revenue-rich pornography empire, we'd really be moving in the right direction.
A couple years ago, Comerica Bank gave Detroit the middle finger when it picked up camp and fled to the second or third nicest sand bucket in Texas, Dallas. They took with them some corporate jobs, an ages-old Detroit institution, and another handful of our local pride. Today, we return that middle finger back to Dallas when home builder Pulte Homes announced they would be purchasing Centex Homes (based in Dallas) to combine to make the biggest home builder in the United States. Shockingly, the home field of this combined corporation is going to be in Bloomfield Hills, Michigan and retain the name Pulte Homes. In some respects, home builders carry some blame for the current economic malaise by producing far too many unnecessary homes, creating a glut of inventory, and driving down the price of your house. This is a bit of a shortsighted view because they would likely not have produced the homes if people who did not qualify for loans were offered loans. All of these issues aside, it's kind of cool to have the biggest home builder in the country based in Bloomfield Hills. Don't get too excited - with the way things are going, there's always a chance that the newspapers tomorrow will be like "April 8th Fools - Pulte's moving to Texas!" but it's one day of decent Michigan corporate news in a sea of less good days. Don't look now, but we have the biggest home builder in the country, the second biggest hub of the largest airline, Little Caesars and Domino's, and 48% of the entire domestic automobile market. With Hollywood essentially deciding that it's moving to Michigan (wouldn't that be awesome? Jerks everywhere - but also maybe a few more jobs) and my blog, Michigan is also well on its way to being the media center of the universe. Now if we could just corner the revenue-rich pornography empire, we'd really be moving in the right direction.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
In Stride
Almost every single day, something bad happens to you, me, or that guy over there. It is an unfortunate circumstance of life, and most of the time, I'd like to think that the number of good things that happen far outweigh the bad. Regretfully for now, it seems like bad and good are racing neck and neck with the real chance that bad is going to win this round. Super sucky, yes. In Michigan we are face-to-face with the bad on many levels and yet continue to embrace any silver lining that may creep onto the horizon.
With this in mind, I'd like to remind you that no matter who you are, no matter what you're doing right now, things could be oh so worse and that alone may be able to help you take your day a little more in stride. For example, I was taking my early evening run during today's unseasonably cold day, when a large white lump fell from the sky and landed not more than 2 feet away from me directly in my path. If that bird had decided to wait just 2 more seconds to hold his poo, I would have had bird turd frozen in my hair, about 2 miles from my house. So despite everything else that is challenging right now, I'd like to thank that bird for not holding it and keeping me relatively clean and comfortable on this slightly-better-than-it-could-have-been day .
No matter who you are, no matter what you're doing, I promise you things would be worse if a bird took a crap in your hair right at this second. This is a ridiculous (and true) example, but take just a second today/tomorrow/next week to appreciate all of the things that you do not have to deal with right now. These don't have to be crazy things like "I built a time machine and ended up on the maiden voyage of the Titanic", because there are several very possible things that, for now, we do not have to confront.
Keep going guys.
With this in mind, I'd like to remind you that no matter who you are, no matter what you're doing right now, things could be oh so worse and that alone may be able to help you take your day a little more in stride. For example, I was taking my early evening run during today's unseasonably cold day, when a large white lump fell from the sky and landed not more than 2 feet away from me directly in my path. If that bird had decided to wait just 2 more seconds to hold his poo, I would have had bird turd frozen in my hair, about 2 miles from my house. So despite everything else that is challenging right now, I'd like to thank that bird for not holding it and keeping me relatively clean and comfortable on this slightly-better-than-it-could-have-been day .
No matter who you are, no matter what you're doing, I promise you things would be worse if a bird took a crap in your hair right at this second. This is a ridiculous (and true) example, but take just a second today/tomorrow/next week to appreciate all of the things that you do not have to deal with right now. These don't have to be crazy things like "I built a time machine and ended up on the maiden voyage of the Titanic", because there are several very possible things that, for now, we do not have to confront.
Keep going guys.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
BurgerFest-O-Rama #7 - Fiddleheads (the sad edition)
As I previously mentioned, my sister, husband and nephew made their way from Rochester, Minnesota to Royal Oak, MI for a very enjoyable family weekend together. They rolled into Michigan very early Friday morning, and one of my primary goals of their visit was to make sure that my sister and brother-in-law participated in my ongoing period of burger appreciation. After much discussion and thought to identify the best place to go (mostly didn't want to stray too far from home), we settled on a restaurant in Royal Oak called Fiddleheads. As with several of the restaurants on the list, I have long wanted to eat at Fiddleheads because anything I ever read about the place was quite positive. The one point of concern was that I knew the food was a little bit expensive, and because of this, the burger was categorized as another "Best High End Burger" (the second fancy pants burger I've eaten after the Town Tavern). To make things just a little bit more complicated, the burger isn't even technically on the dinner menu (the time at which we would be eating), so Steve took the time to call to make sure the burger was offered at dinner. The person he talked to seemed genuinely surprised that such a question was even on the table and enthusiastically responded that the burger was absolutely available for dinner. Success! We picked a place that met all the criteria.
And then the sadness fell.
Before we left for dinner, I fired up freep.com and read the headline "Royal Oak Fiddleheads eatery to close tomorrow". I've joked before that maybe one or two places would go out of business thereby reducing the number of restaurants at which I must eat burgers, but this is the very first time that this issue confronted me square in the face - another unfortunate victim of our challenging economic circumstances. We had a pow-wow and decided that either way the restaurant was going to close, so we might as well contribute our dollars to the outgoing staff and owners instead of steering clear. So Friday night Steve, Gail, Jeff, Maureen, and I hit the road to celebrate and mourn the five year life of Fiddleheads, located on 13 Mile Rd. just a bit east of Greenfield.
Fiddleheads more or less stands alone in a sea of condos on 13 Mile down the road from Beaumont Hospital. I fear that some people would not have anticipated fine dining in this unique location. The inside of the restaurant had a bunch of hanging light bulbs, the tables were covered in tablecloths, and the servers were dressed like those in an upscale casual establishment. The newspaper article indicated that the staff was aware of the situation, but they did not do anything sad or negative to indicate the unfortunate plight. I was more sad than most of the group, largely because it forced me to again reflect on our collective dream for better times and prosperity. Most of the items on the menu were in the $18-$30 range, so it definitely isn't (wasn't...sniff) a cheap night out.
As expected, the burger was not on the menu, but all of us knew that we wanted to order a burger. Jeff, Steve, and Maureen each took one for the team by ordering the Salmon, soup, and a salad (respectively), so that we were not a table of 5 people ordering the cheapest thing available that wasn't even on the menu. This is one of the occasional complications of BurgerFest-O-Rama. It's somewhat odd for a whole table to order a burger when there are so many other delicious-seeming things available on the menu. We placed our orders, and after a slightly longer than expected break, the food hit the table. Unfortunately in my hunger and sadness, I forgot to take my normal picture of the whole table filled with food. Here was the only morsel left on Maureen's plate as we neared the end of dinner.
The burgers came out looking exactly as I hoped. There was probably around 8 oz. of meat, stacked high on a bun that barely contained the burger. Standard condiments included tomato (two slices sliced to my ideal thickness), one small piece of romaine, red onions, and mayonnaise. There was even one tiny ring of onion actually baked into the top portion of the bun, which I thought was quite a nice touch. The burgers also came standard with cheese (pretty sure it was cheddar) melted very nicely over the meat, and the plate was filled out nicely with shoestring-fried potatoes. I thought the meal was delicious.
Pros: Of all the burgers so far, the meat had the most flavor (maybe just my optimal amount of salt), despite small bun, burger had stellar structure, I could actually taste the cheese (something I've been losing in recent burgers), shoestring-fried potatoes were in keeping with the more classy overall theme of the restaurant and also nicely salted, $9 with fries is a good deal for a "high end burger", wait staff very professional, the bun played a great supporting role in that it had its own distinct but not-overpowering flavor.
Cons: We all asked for medium and somehow some parts of the burgers were a bit less than medium, too much mayonnaise, the high surface area of the fries caused them to loose their heat almost instantly, too small piece of romaine, burger could have used more general warmth, no salt shaker on the table.
Overall, the flavor experience was probably the best I have had in this entire endeavor. My flavor memory can still taste the burger two days later, and there was a pretty strong consensus of deliciousness around the table. If the burgers were cooked more to our exact desires and contained more excited atoms and molecules (i.e. heat), I would proudly declare this burger my first FOUR HAMBURGLAR burger. In a normal world where the restaurant wasn't already closed (as of this writing), the official ruling would be three hamburglars, but in memory and honor of the fine establishment and its staff, I am going to award three hamburglars plus one sadness hamburglar.
Fiddleheads, I apologize for never eating within your walls before Friday night and I am sad that I will never again get to eat there. Now that I know what I was missing, I probably would have had more than a few burgers in your restaurant. You will be missed.
And then the sadness fell.
Before we left for dinner, I fired up freep.com and read the headline "Royal Oak Fiddleheads eatery to close tomorrow". I've joked before that maybe one or two places would go out of business thereby reducing the number of restaurants at which I must eat burgers, but this is the very first time that this issue confronted me square in the face - another unfortunate victim of our challenging economic circumstances. We had a pow-wow and decided that either way the restaurant was going to close, so we might as well contribute our dollars to the outgoing staff and owners instead of steering clear. So Friday night Steve, Gail, Jeff, Maureen, and I hit the road to celebrate and mourn the five year life of Fiddleheads, located on 13 Mile Rd. just a bit east of Greenfield.
Fiddleheads more or less stands alone in a sea of condos on 13 Mile down the road from Beaumont Hospital. I fear that some people would not have anticipated fine dining in this unique location. The inside of the restaurant had a bunch of hanging light bulbs, the tables were covered in tablecloths, and the servers were dressed like those in an upscale casual establishment. The newspaper article indicated that the staff was aware of the situation, but they did not do anything sad or negative to indicate the unfortunate plight. I was more sad than most of the group, largely because it forced me to again reflect on our collective dream for better times and prosperity. Most of the items on the menu were in the $18-$30 range, so it definitely isn't (wasn't...sniff) a cheap night out.
As expected, the burger was not on the menu, but all of us knew that we wanted to order a burger. Jeff, Steve, and Maureen each took one for the team by ordering the Salmon, soup, and a salad (respectively), so that we were not a table of 5 people ordering the cheapest thing available that wasn't even on the menu. This is one of the occasional complications of BurgerFest-O-Rama. It's somewhat odd for a whole table to order a burger when there are so many other delicious-seeming things available on the menu. We placed our orders, and after a slightly longer than expected break, the food hit the table. Unfortunately in my hunger and sadness, I forgot to take my normal picture of the whole table filled with food. Here was the only morsel left on Maureen's plate as we neared the end of dinner.
The burgers came out looking exactly as I hoped. There was probably around 8 oz. of meat, stacked high on a bun that barely contained the burger. Standard condiments included tomato (two slices sliced to my ideal thickness), one small piece of romaine, red onions, and mayonnaise. There was even one tiny ring of onion actually baked into the top portion of the bun, which I thought was quite a nice touch. The burgers also came standard with cheese (pretty sure it was cheddar) melted very nicely over the meat, and the plate was filled out nicely with shoestring-fried potatoes. I thought the meal was delicious.Pros: Of all the burgers so far, the meat had the most flavor (maybe just my optimal amount of salt), despite small bun, burger had stellar structure, I could actually taste the cheese (something I've been losing in recent burgers), shoestring-fried potatoes were in keeping with the more classy overall theme of the restaurant and also nicely salted, $9 with fries is a good deal for a "high end burger", wait staff very professional, the bun played a great supporting role in that it had its own distinct but not-overpowering flavor.
Cons: We all asked for medium and somehow some parts of the burgers were a bit less than medium, too much mayonnaise, the high surface area of the fries caused them to loose their heat almost instantly, too small piece of romaine, burger could have used more general warmth, no salt shaker on the table.
Overall, the flavor experience was probably the best I have had in this entire endeavor. My flavor memory can still taste the burger two days later, and there was a pretty strong consensus of deliciousness around the table. If the burgers were cooked more to our exact desires and contained more excited atoms and molecules (i.e. heat), I would proudly declare this burger my first FOUR HAMBURGLAR burger. In a normal world where the restaurant wasn't already closed (as of this writing), the official ruling would be three hamburglars, but in memory and honor of the fine establishment and its staff, I am going to award three hamburglars plus one sadness hamburglar.
Fiddleheads, I apologize for never eating within your walls before Friday night and I am sad that I will never again get to eat there. Now that I know what I was missing, I probably would have had more than a few burgers in your restaurant. You will be missed.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Sparse or Regular Updates
Hello all, and a happy weekend to ye. As a quick reminder, MSU will be fighting to save Michigan's entire economy tomorrow in a basketball game of "winner takes all bailout money", so make sure to throw that on and cheer for your home state.
On another note, my sister, her husband, and their baby blew into town last night, so I am largely going to be focusing on baby over the next couple days. This may or may not result in more or less updates than usual or unusual, so I just thought I would mention that things may or may not be different or the same. I'm leaning toward maybe.
On another note, my sister, her husband, and their baby blew into town last night, so I am largely going to be focusing on baby over the next couple days. This may or may not result in more or less updates than usual or unusual, so I just thought I would mention that things may or may not be different or the same. I'm leaning toward maybe.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Exodus
Today's edition of The Detroit News includes another obligatory article about the departure of young, smart, talented individuals and families from Michigan to perceived greener pastures. We've been hearing this for years, and I fought the instinct to click on the link and read this revision of the same story because there is absolutely nothing that it can add to my life or my understanding/appreciation of the problems. Yup, jobs are sadly scarce and I don't want anyone to have to leave family, friends, or home, but in our shrinking portion of the economy, this is an inevitable (though highly undesired) outcome.
As the domestic automobile industry shrinks and Michigan claws to find additional jobs to bring in to the state, the only natural outcome is that the population will undergo a downsizing much like the employment forces of the companies contained within our borders. To me, while disappointing and sad, Michigan became bloated to a completely unsustainable point, and there is simply no way that in the absence of new work, the same amount of people will be able to live here. The key is not to focus on people leaving, but to identify the point at which Michigan and its residents can hit the not-seen-in-a-long-time break even point and to work toward that size. Once you hit break even, you can look more effectively and successfully at how to grow. It is just another component of the painful changes required before success can again return. This is a sucky but necessary component of the road to possible recovery.
There is no point in trying to regain past glory or to realistically bring back the same quantity of high-paid manufacturing jobs, because that is not a path forward. People are going to leave and I am going to quietly mourn for every single one, but unfortunately, this may be the best option for these people and for the state. It could be me, it could be you. Perhaps with some planning and substantial luck, Michigan will have the opportunity to lure back its lost children because those children left. I don't want it to be this way and am open to different options, but I also realize that this may need to be the way.
As the domestic automobile industry shrinks and Michigan claws to find additional jobs to bring in to the state, the only natural outcome is that the population will undergo a downsizing much like the employment forces of the companies contained within our borders. To me, while disappointing and sad, Michigan became bloated to a completely unsustainable point, and there is simply no way that in the absence of new work, the same amount of people will be able to live here. The key is not to focus on people leaving, but to identify the point at which Michigan and its residents can hit the not-seen-in-a-long-time break even point and to work toward that size. Once you hit break even, you can look more effectively and successfully at how to grow. It is just another component of the painful changes required before success can again return. This is a sucky but necessary component of the road to possible recovery.
There is no point in trying to regain past glory or to realistically bring back the same quantity of high-paid manufacturing jobs, because that is not a path forward. People are going to leave and I am going to quietly mourn for every single one, but unfortunately, this may be the best option for these people and for the state. It could be me, it could be you. Perhaps with some planning and substantial luck, Michigan will have the opportunity to lure back its lost children because those children left. I don't want it to be this way and am open to different options, but I also realize that this may need to be the way.
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