Crazy Ideas #10 - Trick 'Em

It was been almost an entire year since the last time that I had an idea. I think there is a strong positive correlation between how many ideas I have and how cold it is outside while I am running. The colder it is, the more I need to try to distract myself from my face slowly turning to ice, so there is a tendency that more really stupid things pop into my mind in the winter. When it is warmer outside, all of my focus is on trying to get my body into bikini-ready shape, so unfortunately there is almost no time to worry about single-handedly saving Michigan. This week was particularly chilly for December, even though I wasn't around for a fair amount of the cold.

My most recent crazy idea is an enhancement and update of the tax credit for first-time home buyers. If you don't know, if you have your contract in place by the of April, close on a home before June 30th, and are a first-time home buyer, the federal government will give you $8,000 for free. If it's not your first home, you can still get $6,500 if you meet a couple of additional conditions. This is a national program and is good in every state. In many regards, this plan has been a pretty solid success (at the very least, there is some pretty hard evidence that this tax credit has driven quite a bit of movement in home purchasing). Realtors love it because homes are actually selling, home buyers love it because it is some free money without which they may have not been able to buy a home, and it does some to be assisting with shrinking the glut of houses available on the market.

With all this in mind, I propose that the state of Michigan add a little boost to this national program if you a buy a house in Michigan - maybe something on the order of 1 or 2 large. This plan will help to solve two major problems:

1) Reducing the significant quantities of abandoned and otherwise foreclosed homes in the state
2) Trapping people who might one day want to leave the state by making it way harder for them to do so (insert evil laugh here)

Everyone agrees that one of Michigan's biggest problems is ongoing population decrease and brain drain for all sorts of reasons. If you can successfully trick people into buying a home here, they will be way more inclined to try to figure out how to make things work here rather than there (wherever there may be). Brilliant, yes. Also, vacant homes are problems for many reasons, including depressing property values, increased crime, and being generally depressing.

The next natural question is how to pay for all this. My initial response would be prostitution, but I don't know how you would go about accounting for income from prostitution for tax considerations. Borrowing can only take you so far and some would likely say that borrowing for a reason like this would mortgaging our children's future or "robbing Peter to pay Paul" (I've always wondered about this metaphor. I'm pretty sure it refers to the apostles Peter and Paul, but why would I rob from Peter or Paul to pay any of the apostles. I'm pretty sure the apostles were in a volunteer-type sort of business and their CEO, Jesus, would not be a fan of his lieutenants taking any sort of kick backs or payment. They're apostles, for God's sake. I think this metaphor works way better as a reference to Peter, Paul, and Mary, because even though they were hippies singing about civil liberties, they still wanted to get paid), but I'd be willing to mortgage my children's future. Then, they can mortgage their children's future and so on until Haley's comet collides with plant Earth.

I think what could have been a legitimately decent idea if it had been implemented earlier would be to use some of that sweet, sweet free TARP money we got to act as a Michigan-specific addendum to the federal housing credit. I'd rather lock up some population in the state than to have better painted lines on the road.

Home ownership, despite the major national real estate problems, remains a big part of the American dream, so we could help to make that dream a reality here in Michigan.

And no, this has nothing to do with the fact that we're looking to buy a home.

Crazy Idea #9 - 2 Solutions

Like that ball of rock and ice flying through the sky that will one day inevitably be the end of us all (some people call it Haley's Comet), the Dow and S&P 500 again streaked to 12 year lows today. I'm a solution kind-of-guy and while watching a few minutes of Mad Money today, I came up with two solutions to help bring the world out of the doldrums. One of the solutions is a big stupid idiot of which I am a fan, and the second solution may be incredibly stupid but I think is legitimately clever. Let's start with the first.

As regular readers probably know, I will be getting married in late summer. Weddings make for a great celebration through the combination of family, friends, and invitees out of obligation. One traditional element of the wedding is the giving of the gifts, where people who are invited to the wedding typically provide a gift that "covers" the cost of their attendance at the reception. It's a general rule of thumb and most people who have the means tend to stick somewhere within this guide. The gifts of home accessories and money help the newly-married couple start their lives together on the right foot, with the possibility of eliminating or paying down debt. It is a great tradition when you are getting married, and a slightly less great tradition when you are invited to a wedding.

One of the biggest reported problems in the economy right now is the cessation of consumer spending. Without consumer spending, companies can't grow, and growth is king of all. People are concerned about their jobs and are therefore reluctant to buy just about anything that they wouldn't deem an "essential". For things like weddings, though, people still do their best to pull out the stops. Because of this, I would like to offer everyone in the world an invitation to our wedding. I won't tell you where it is or specifically when it is happening, but I will provide you with an address to which you can send gifts (remember, you're on the hook now because you've been invited). Consumer spending will receive a much-needed shot in the arm, and it will be all for a great, the greatest, cause. I don't know how many Kitchen-Aid mixers or strainers I'll be able to fit into a kitchen, but I won't know until I try.

For my second trick of the evening, I would like to suggest an idea that combines the fun of taxes (sort of) with the excitement of a stimulus package. Tax season is upon us and American's are starting to look forward to their federal tax returns. Tax returns exist because we essentially pay too much in taxes to the government as a type of zero interest loan over the course of the year, and then the government pays us back after we file our taxes. The only online source I could find said that in 2004, the average federal tax return was $2,436 for early tax filers.

As a country, we have committed to borrowing $728 B as part of the formally approved fiscal stimulus package. Most of this money will come from China (just how did the Chinese get this much money anyway??) and borrowed from whoever else will be willing to lend. I have no idea what kind of interest rate the U.S. government pays on loans of this size, and that is one important piece of the information I am missing. What I suggest is that this year, all tax filers are given the strongly-encouraged (possibly forced) option of temporarily (for the year) forgoing their tax return as a real loan to the government, and the government will pay 0.5% less in annualized interest to its citizens than they would owe to foreign governments. Do you know what $2,438*300M is? That's right, $730.8 billion dollars. This would not lead to any growth in federal government beyond what has already been signed into existence, so those who are concerned about very big government are already screwed, so why not take the money out of our own pockets? Many people already think of their tax return as "free money" - to them it has been lost to the government and getting it back at any time is a bonus. I know more than a few people who do not use this money in the most intelligent way. I believe in personal responsibility AND big government (at least to the extent that, again, it's coming despite anyone's objections), and this seems to be one way to satisfy those who support personal responsibility and those who demand stimulus. If we expect other governments to believe that the U.S. will not default on its loans, we should exhibit that same level of trust in our own country. To steal a phrase commonly used by Jim Cramer - "Invest in America".

If we're going down, let's do it on our own terms.

Crazy Idea #8 - Little People find Big Love in Normal Size Detroit

The lovely and talented Maureen deserves all the credit for piecing together the super awesome subject matter of this post. I'm marrying the right girl.

Last summer shortly after we got engaged in Venice, we went through the traditional rigmarole of checking out many possible wedding venues in the metro-Detroit area to find the perfect wedding combination of setting, setup, cost, and location. I think we went to a total of 9 or 10 places in and around Detroit, and one of those places was the Marriott Hotel in the Renaissance Center downtown. We ended up not choosing there as our final choice, but it was nice to at least consider the major Detroit landmark on the short list. The visit to the Marriott was of particular interest, because there was a convention going on in that hotel that was starting on the exact day that we were checking it out. This may have been the greatest convention of all time, and we were tickled to be there as the participants were rolling in for their stay. The convention: The Little People of America (LPA) National Conference at Detroit. In retrospect, it seems abundantly obvious that there would be such an annual convention roving its way throughout the United States, but at the time I was surprised and excited by the existence of such an event.

Time slip (a little Easter Egg for the millions of loyal followers out there) forward seven months to this morning when Maureen called me after seeing a commercial on TV this morning. She was watching TLC and there was a commercial for the television show Little People Big World about a family of little people (to appropriately round out my two-day coverage of reality television shows) living their lives. The specific mention in this commercial is that the parents in the show found love in the Motor City, and now one of the sons found a girlfriend also in the Motor City - at the exact same convention Maureen and I were at!!! Yes, you too think this is fantastic.

I believe the implications of this commercial are clear - every little person should move to Michigan with the virtual guarantee of finding love. Based on everything I know about specific relationships of little people, 100% of little people people can find love in Detroit. That is an amazing percentage, and there is simply no way for anyone to counter this statistic - unless this person has a brain and understands anything about statistics. I do think there is an opportunity for Michigan to figure out how to better target specific groups of people to try to develop a magnet population center for those groups. We need people who want to be here, be they large, small, or Klingon, and it is natural instinct to want to cluster near other Klingons. The concept is simple, but it is a matter of figuring out how to actually make it happen.

As a serendipitous indication that this is the subject I should be writing about today, there is a little person investigator on the rerun of Bones that is playing in the background right now. Sometimes I'm pretty sure I'm in tune with the universe.

Crazy Idea #7 - Paczki-Based Currency System

Now that the dust of Fat Tuesday / Paczki Day has finally cleared (as an aside, Firefox does not recognize paczki as a real word, and I'm outraged), it is time to reflect on what we learned yesterday. If you are not a Christian Polish person or grow up in Michigan, I already know that you are ashamed to not know the glory of the paczki. The basic idea is that paczki were created to help you remove all of the fat and sugar from your house prior to the lean times in Lent, so you go through your cupboards, remove everything delicious, push all of the products you find through a meat grinder, and out pops a paczki. I'm pretty sure that's how it works. They're much like a jelly donut, except enterprising Poles figured out some way to incorporate more calories, fat, and carbohydrates into the same amount of space as the lowly jelly donut. As Homer Simpsons would say, "Butter that bacon, boy." Because Michigan has so many Polish people in Hamtramck, people rush out to that area of the state on Fat Tuesday and purchases these 400-600 calorie treats by the heart attack-full. Individual bakeries can sell into the tens and hundreds of thousands on one day, and we are more than happy to oblige and consume.

Now for some economy - as most people know, the U.S. currency used to be of the gold standard variety. Specifically, every dollar that you had was theoretically backed by some tiny quantity of gold owned by the U.S. government and stored in a place like Fort Knox. That system has been gone since the early 70s, and now all of our currency is backed by the faith-based system. We all believe a $1 bill is worth trading for something equivalent of $1 because the U.S Treasury says so, and that's where money comes from. A little bit scary, isn't it? Here's an interesting interview from The Colbert Report that happens to coincide perfectly with this subject.

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Niall Ferguson

Colbert Report Full Episodes
Funny Political News

Christian Bale Parody
Joke of the Day

Now that we've got that out of the way, I have figured out the correct way to marry these two subjects for the betterment of Michigan. Clearly, the faith-based currency system that we have has been coming up short for the past 6-9 months. There are certainly some major shortcomings with the existing system. On top of that, one of two things happens to your dollar over time - inflation or deflation. As my brother and I have been discussing for the past two weeks, inflation and deflation within our current system are utter madness because they both seem to be terrible. Inflation is a blight, but the only thing worse (so we're told) is deflation. What kind of system is it when both outcomes are hurtful and painful? An untenable system, that's what kind.

Which is why, today, I propose that the entire United States and possibly the European Union (because of the Polish people there) move entirely to a paczki-based currency system. This wouldn't even require us to move away from the paper that we currently have in circulation, but rather every dollar would have to be backed by a paczki stored in Hamtramck in Michigan. We all had dreams of robbing Fort Knox growing up in grade school, so a new generation of children will have dreams of robbing Fort Fatstorage in Michigan. It seems that the stock market is already behind this plan because the stock market was up about 230 glorious points yesterday. The traders have spoken!

Our history with the paczki and proven ability to mass produce this now-valuable treat will move us to the front and center of the new global economy because we will naturally hold the majority of the currency valuation within our state boundaries. That doesn't make any sense, you say? New York became the financial center of the world (I don't want to hear it my thousands of London readers) because they claimed to have a mastery of the financial system on Wall Street and thereabouts, so it is time for Michigan to reclaim its rightful throne as the center and primary player in the global economy - and it will all be due to Polish immigrants.

Crazy Idea #6 - Funding Our Own Bailout

Alright, so I frequently post about the automobile industry. On one hand, I apologize for giving so much attention to that portion of our state economy. On the other hand, I am unapologetic because the automobile industry is Michigan's largest employer, our economic basis, and the reason we exist in the first place. Also, this industry is teetering, in some significant trouble, and in need of drastic help. Analysts claim that Ford, GM, and Chrysler need cash to weather the current recessionary storm in the hopes that demand will largely return by 2010, when these companies will also be able to gain some significant savings through recently renegotiated UAW contracts and other cost-saving measures. Boiled down, most people think that whoever survives 2009 will thrive and prosper, but making it through 2009 is not assured by any measure. To survive, these companies need Cash Mon-Ay.

Toward this end, these companies have been lobbying the federal government feverishly for one of two things. First, these companies have been budgeted loans in total aggregate of $25B in the U.S. Federal budget. These loans should not be considered a pure bailout. In theory, this money will enable the domestic auto industry to survive, make profit, and then pay the loans back to the U.S. taxpayers with interest. It is not free money, and you would be remiss to think so. However, these loans have not been released to the companies because of the bureaucracy involved in the process. Everyone is working on making this already-approved method a reality, but it is unclear when the loans will be granted and officially transferred for use. Second, the companies are trying to gain access to a second bucket of money - ideally, by grabbing some chunk of the approved $700B package intended for banks. Another possible method would be to snatch some money directly from the Treasury, which is already acting like a giant U.S. bank. Over the past 7 days, both of these secondary measures appear to be temporarily (or permanently) shut down until after the election is completed and things have settled down. The already-approved loans are great, but they could be significantly delayed and may not be enough to push the ball up the mountain. The secondary bucket of money may not be an option.

So where might this critical cash come from for our base industries? Well, I have a crazy idea. There are currently talks that another "fiscal stimulus package" for American citizens is a virtual guarantee to avert a longer, deeper U.S. recession. Do you remember those checks that you got a few months back for $600 that saved our economy? Yeah, kind of like that because it worked so effectively before. This new package could run anywhere from $300B -$400B dollars. Of course, it could be more, it could be less, but let's work with these numbers for now.

Michigan has approximately 10M residents, and the U.S. has approximately 300M residents, so Michigan has about 3.3% of the entire U.S. population. Assuming an equal stimulus distribution throughout the country roughly based on population, Michigan should be entitled to about 3.3% * $400B = $13.3B from the new stimulus package. This new stimulus package probably won't take the form of checks directly to citizens, but rather a collection of ideas like extending unemployment benefits and funding public-works and infrastructure projects. These things could be great, but Michigan has another, much more significant and urgent need in the form of keeping our core industry alive.

Michigan residents should be given the opportunity to vote for whether or not they want their portion of the stimulus package ($13.3B) to provide critical cash for our automobile industry. I don't know how the residents would vote under this theory, but hopefully we can convince each and every member of the state that if we want the state to survive, we can not lose our American automobile manufacturers. Reports have stated that 10% of all employment in the U.S. is somehow affiliated with the domestic auto industry, and this 10% would all be out of a job if our worst fears are realized. The cost of unemployment benefits for the country alone could far outweigh the cost of providing cash to the needy companies. On top of all this, if the auto companies can return to profit, they, too, would pay back Michigan's residents with interest, possibly resulting in a reduced tax burden for the residents at some point in the future.

Dum-dums may ask why GM/Ford/Chrysler just don't go to a bank for immediate cash. Well, here's the fundamental problem - because the auto industry is so challenged right now, the interest rate these companies would pay to a bank would vastly exceed (2-3 times more) the interest rate that the federal government or Michigan residents would require as a return on their investment. Therefore, our interests would be best-served by immediately reducing the cost of borrowing for these companies. There are many more tangible and intangible reasons why we must prevent a cascading failure in the auto industry (keeping population in-state and employed for tax revenue, being able to sell one's home, being close to family/friends, and on and on and on). Would you rather lose a check for $600 now, or lose a $250K investment on your home because absolutely no one can or will want to purchase it?

Thank you very much if you stuck with me to this point. As with all problem-solving, we must think big picture - particularly in Michigan. We can either solve this problem as a functioning, single-minded group of souls, or we can falsely (I believe) convince ourselves that our individual self-interest outweighs the greater good. The quality of my home is influenced by the quality of my neighborhood, which is influenced by the quality of my city, which is influenced by the quality of my county, which is influenced by the quality of my state.

Crazy Idea #5 - Time Slipping

As a fair warning, if you have not seen the most recent season of Lost or you plan on watching Lost at any point in time, I recommend against reading this. If you're not a fan of Lost and have no plans to ever watch the show, there is something wrong with you because it is a pretty phenomenal show.

Upon much reflection, I have determined the best immediate way to solve Michigan's problems. Some people say "End Entitlement", others argue "Economic Diversification", still others promote education reform and entrepreneurship. These ideas all have their own merits, but they overlook the best and easiest path to success in overcoming the economic strife of Michigan. Time Travel. More specifically, time slipping, like we learned about at the end of Season 4 of Lost. At the end of the season, we were informed of several crucial components of the Lost mythology. Most importantly, the island, through the magical turning of a big frozen wooden wheel, can "disappear". We are not explicitly told what happens when the island disappears, but it is pretty clear that the island temporarily ceases to exist in the current time frame and reappears at some indeterminate future date. That is why that pirate ship managed to end up in the middle of the island - the island reappeared when the ship was sailing but at the geographic center of the island. Obviously. One key component of this disappear/reappear interaction is that while the world continues to age at the "normal" rate, time does not progress on the island. I don't want to spend too much time diving into relativity here, but it is kind of like what happens when something travels at speeds approaching the speed of light. Things traveling considerably slower than the speed of light (earth, turtles, my fastball) "age" faster than the thing traveling crazy fast, so it is kind of like time travel into the future. Going backwards in time is just silly, so let's not be ridiculous here.

Based on this principle, the solution to all of our problems seems incredibly simple. We figure out some way to make the state travel forward in time without actually traveling forward in time. Then, Michigan will return in 2010 or 2011 when the economic situation is resolved and people are ready to purchase products again. Problem solved. If we can not figure out how to make the state slip in time as an independent entity, perhaps we could figure out a way to move the state onto the island in Lost and then take advantage of the island's time slipping capabilities. In this day and age we need new ideas, and I think time travel should be considered at the top of the list. I don't have all the kinks worked out yet (like what do we do about technological development we will miss out on, non-Michigan based manufacturers will pick up all the available market share, etc.), but I would like to throw some of these questions out to the public so that we can work on jointly solving our complicated challenges within the framework of temporarily making Michigan disappear to then reappear in the future.

Here are the kind of ideas I'm looking for - before we make ourselves disappear, we have some sort of global auto summit that includes executives from all over the world. Then, when the summit is in its second day, we enact my master plan. Other companies will then have trouble capitalizing on the available market share because all of their quality leadership will be in time-slip mode.

Crazy Idea #4 – The Detroit/Windsor 2020 Olympics

A few weeks ago, the world collectively stopped watching a two week party, also known as The Olympics, thrown by our Chinese overlords. Many commentators referred to the event as China’s “coming out” party, as in “Hey we’re China, we own all your national debt, we produce most of the things that you use, there are 1.3 billion people in our country, and we’re using a proportionately larger and larger percentage of global commodities, and our table tennis development program beats the crap out of your table tennis development program” That kind of coming out party. The opening ceremonies were quite a spectacle, as were the closing ceremonies, and everything in between was surprisingly engrossing. As I watched bits and pieces of the events and coverage, there was one overarching message that was really driven home by the commentators – “Check out China. I can’t believe what they’ve done with the place.” CNN.com reported earlier this summer that it cost $45B for Beijing to prepare for the Olympics, compared to a relatively paltry sum of $1.5B for the Atlanta games in 1996. In China, this money was spent on literally everything you could imagine to prepare the country, but largely the investment was on infrastructure. Billions were spent on roads, building and stadium construction, mass transit improvements, environmental cleanup (though it was hard to tell from all the smog-filled city shots), and hiding all of the stray dogs in Beijing. Any way you look at it, that is an insane amount of money, but everyone seemed to walk away impressed with Beijing. All of this money spent on development and improvement and the positive light that was cast on China really made me think – does it really have to be impossible for Detroit to someday be awarded the Olympics? I don’t think so. And don’t scoff.

The IOC (International Olympic Committee) is the organization responsible for selecting the host city for each Olympics event. The key to convincing the IOC that Detroit is a worthy location is to convince them that the Olympics serve a greater purpose than an exciting couple weeks of international competitive events. The Olympics, if treated correctly, are an opportunity to give a region the huge kick in the bum it needs to finally implement many of the oft-discussed but never acted upon changes. For literally generations, people have discussed the critical need for mass transit in the Detroit area. One of the criteria the IOC uses in selecting a host city is the quality and availability of mass transit. At this point, we clearly fail on this front, but the promise of the Olympics will almost certainly provide the final spark needed to bring real, tangible mass transit development. Beyond that, the Olympics brings road improvements, uncountable aesthetic enhancements (think about what happened in Detroit during the Super Bowl times 14), cleanup, jobs, construction, tourism, and, if everything goes smoothly, the chance for Detroit to finally prove “WE DON’T SUCK.”

So, my first argument to the IOC is that they can initiate considerable and invaluable change in the city that needs it more than any other large city in America, and the people of Detroit and Michigan will never relent in their appreciation to you. You can be not just A, but THE catalyst for change in a place that is begging for it. Your altruism would never, ever be forgotten.

My second argument is that in addition to the good the IOC could do for us, aside from some necessary improvements, Michigan could be an ideal location for the Olympics. In Detroit alone we have 2 almost brand new stadiums next door to each other, with Joe Louis and Cobo a mile down the road. On top of these core locations, The Big House in Ann Arbor seats >100K (bigger than The Bird’s Nest), a few miles down Washtenaw you have all the facilities of Eastern Michigan, and a few more miles in the other direction and you have the beautiful campus of MSU. If that is not enough, we’re surrounded by water that tourists and athletes alike can enjoy before, during, and after the games. Let’s also not forget about the three new beautiful casinos and attached hotels right near all these downtown sports venues.

Third, the Detroit Games would be more than the Detroit Games – they could be the first ever dual-national Olympics with Windsor only a baseball’s throw away. Inter-country cooperation seems like the kind of theme on which the IOC could really hang its hat.

Fourth, the most immediate likely year for the Detroit Olympics would be 2020, just about enough time for the American auto manufacturers to be the primary driving force in the virtual elimination of carbon dioxide emissions and the widespread use of renewable fuel sources. The Detroit Olympics would be a celebration of an environmentally healthy world, with the former culprit now standing center stage as the hero. What better way to reward this gut-wrenching effort and transition?

Fifth, the people of Michigan yearn for approval. Take a look at the Baseball All-Star Game and Super Bowl from a few years ago. Media reviews about the reception from the people and the city were overwhelmingly positive for both events. We know the way the world thinks about us, and when we have the opportunity to alter this viewpoint, we unify and present a friendly, cordial, and enthusiastic front. With the whole world watching, I can’t even imagine the effort that would be contributed by all Michigan residents. I have quite a bit more to say about this subject, but I think I will end my thoughts here for now. I don’t expect it, but I am quite interested to hear any feedback from whatever kind soul may have an opinion about this.

Detroit/Windsor 2020! I don’t see why this has to be an unattainable goal. If we want and expect big changes, we have to shoot really, really big.

Crazy Idea #3 - The Green Belt

(Picture of a real Tasmanian Devil. Is it related? Not really. It is cute though)

One of the joys of being a member of "new media" in the form of blogging is that I can essentially steal the work of others as long as I provide the appropriate link to that information and credit the source. Ta-da! Post for the day completed. How does someone actually report on news that the individual actually discovers? I have no idea. I also can not claim that this is my crazy idea or that it is even that crazy, but if I said something like "solar panels are the devil's children" then maybe, just maybe, I can make it crazy enough to be my own.

On that note, here is a very interesting and pertinent article from Fortune magazine regarding Midwest manufacturing and the slow but noticeable shift into environmentally-forward products that do not include cars. These are the types of industries in which the Midwest must continue to actively expand to attract investment, develop jobs, and transition away from the tired "Rust Belt" moniker with which we are stricken. Perhaps more importantly, I want you to be aware that many of these industries also have current significant operations in the Midwest and also in Michigan. According to the article, "Thin-film solar company Energy Conversion Devices, meanwhile, operates three factories in Michigan and is currently doubling the production capacity of one of its plants." These are small advancements to diversify Michigan's economy and the way that people view Michigan's economy, but they are moves in the right direction nonetheless.

The next wave of industrial and corporate innovation is the "green tech" industry, and Michigan, partly because of its unfortunately high unemployment rate, is ideally positioned to fill this need with its large and highly motivated workforce. Somehow, we have to continue to latch on to these types of companies at an accelerated rate to transition the Midwest from the Rust Belt to the Green Belt. With our unparalleled manufacturing background and willingness to take less than the going rate just to get to work, it is not out of the realm of possibility for us to take first place in this race. Not only will our people be working, but they will be doing work that could be of substantial benefit to the environment - something for which we have certainly not been previously credited. This is not a pipe dream. The seeds for this kind of work and the development of these industries in-state are already planted. Now we have to figure out how to take it to the next level.

Crazy Idea #2 - Dr. Strangelove

The above still is from a movie called "Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Atomic Bomb". If you are like me and do not watch movies when you can make a decent guess as to what the movie is about based on pictures from the movie, than you also know that this movie is about a man who somehow learns to bring bombs to life and then ride these bombs around like flying horses. And that is my second Crazy Idea - figure out a way to bring atomic bombs to life and then ride them around life flying horses. How did we not figure this one earlier? It is a clear formula for success. Living bombs+horses = economic success. I also like formulas. They break things down to their simplest essence.

OK, so this is the most terrible idea ever. If we did figure out how to bring bombs to life, then how do we know that they would let us ride them around like flying horses? Maybe they would just sit in the corner like cats, and when we try to pet them, they keep putting their butts in our faces. You're not in charge of me, bomb. It just can't be guaranteed, so there must be some other way to harvest the power of nuclear energy to our great benefit...

Crazy Idea #2 - Evolve Michigan into a nuclear-power providing Super Power

Now this idea might even be more controversial than my now world-famous Crazy Idea #1 - Make Michigan the "Gayest Place on Earth", though I do have to admit that at the time, I didn't think I would be able to top that one. In fact, I'm not even entirely convinced that I approve of this idea, but it does have some extremely significant potential upside.

As the global standard of living continues to increase, there are two things that the developing and developed world will probably need more than anything else: energy and water. Michigan has water in spades and this is an important issue for discussion at a later time. The global hunger for energy can easily be highlighted by the stomach-churning increase of the cost of a barrel of oil over the past couple years. The word 'overwhelming' probably doesn't do this price increase the appropriate amount of justice. Everyone is actively seeking a solution to the energy problem. Wind, water, solar, cellulosic ethanol, and nuclear are all being considered by many nations with a ferocity never before seen when the cost of oil was so much lower.

Nuclear energy was discovered in 1934 and was first generated by a nuclear reactor in 1951, so it is not new by any standards. In the absolute simplest terms possible, to create nuclear-based energy, you drop a rod of uranium (or some other element) into a vat of water, chemical reactions between the uranium and the water produce steam from heat, and then this steam turns turbines, thereby creating electricity. In a nutshell, you are creating steam and harvesting the power from this steam.

The downsides to nuclear energy are not actually specific to nuclear energy, but rather from the byproducts of this process. First and foremost, you create a certain form of plutonium that can be turned into atomic bombs. Second, if the plutonium is not properly cooled and stored, radiation from the plutonium can have very detrimental health effects (simple things like death or near-death). As a result of these possible byproducts, Americans are TERRIFIED of nuclear power and have not turned on new any nuclear power plants since 1996.

Here we are; our world craves energy, Michigan already has 3 nuclear power plants (Cook, Fermi, and Palisades), and building, operating, securing, and selling the actual energy are all multi-billion dollar industries. As in more than ones-of-billions. There are probably thousands of positives and negatives that I was unable to encompass here, but I've already gone on too long and have probably lost most everyone's attention.

At the very least, Michigan requires and deserves a forum to discuss the possible pros and cons of expanding our nuclear power capacity. Texas, the state most tied to oil, is doing pretty well in the difficult economic times ongoing in our country. Our potential ability to provide more energy to the world could insulate the state from the economic pressures currently buffeting the US, and continue to drive investment, job creation (construction, maintenance, nuclear scientists, etc.), and enable Michigan to fulfill an unmet need for the world.

Michigan: The Texas with Water and No Stupid Hats

Crazy Idea #1 - The Gayest Place on Earth

It probably would not be a stretch to say that more than anything else, Michigan needs something to set itself apart from the rest of the riff-raff to drive job creation, population growth, and the corresponding increase in tax base that these two things would bring. Most states and countries struggle with these issues as they are two of the most important precursors to state success and profitability. Profitability is not exactly the proper word to use in this context, but the money is diverted back (in concept) into state programs, road and drain improvements, and state policing forces to ensure your security and mine. State programs include things like maintaining state parks, subsidizing the cost of higher education, providing legal aid, and even drivers' education. At this time, Michigan is struggling with these issues more than most states as a result of the rapid changes and globalization in the automobile industry. Something must be done to spur population growth and a change in perspective for potential residents and investors in the state economy. I do not claim to be a political scientist, but I would like to share some of my crazy ideas that may have some of the desired positive effects of job and population growth, and, just possibly, hear some of your unique ideas and feedback on mine. Thinking along the usual lines does not seem to be working, so it is time for some fresh perspective.

If I ever attempt to become a politician, it is precisely articles like this that may make it impossible for me to develop a successful career in that field. Alternatively, articles like this may be what set me apart as a unique and independent thinker who might actually be able to motivate change. I don't expect everyone to agree with me morally, socially, politically, or anything else, but the point here is original and unique ideas to set Michigan apart for long-term survival and success. With no further ado...

Crazy Idea #1 - Make Michigan the "Gayest Place on Earth"

If you have a TV, computer, radio, or same-sex significant other, you must be aware that California recently approved same-sex marriages. Instantly, California further cemented itself as the most progressive, forward-thinking state in the United States. Within a relatively short period of time, same-sex couples came pouring out of the woodwork to take advantage of their long-desired opportunity to marry the individuals they loved.

I say Michigan take this 10 steps further. First, legalize same-sex marriage in the state. The goal here is multi-fold. Michigan will become the Midwest gay living destination. The west coast and Northeast are generally considered progressive places, but the Midwest and South are not exactly known for their pro-gay attitudes. Studies claim that anywhere between 1%-10% of the US population is gay. 10% is way more people than 1%, but 1% of 300M (the approximate population of the US) is 3M people. That is an impressive number, and just think, the gay population can claim us as their chosen state of residence. So what else can we do to attract this group of people?

Second, develop additional programs that further encourage the gay influx. Homosexual adoption is a hot-button issue, but what if Michigan had a state-sponsored office that eases, assists, and possibly even expedites the adoption of children to gay families? People will leave places they are not considered equal and will go places where they are at least on par with equality.

Third, continue development of gay-friend enclaves in Detroit and the metro-Detroit area. Areas of cities like Ferndale are already moving in this direction, so why not continue this trend?

Fourth, and perhaps most importantly, continue to promote and educate the current Michigan population on the values of equality and treating others with respect. Those who are currently anti-gay (the Old Testament-types) can be tripped up on the many contradictions in the Bible with respect to how to treat others as well as the overarching state benefits, and the gay-blase (there should be an accent over the 'e' but I can't figure it out on this program) and the pro-gay have no reasons to feel negatively about this movement.

The world is a different place than it used to be, and it is time to consider some new ways to make things work. If this crazy idea would become reality, think of all the additional florists, bakery owners, softball players, and Broadway shows that would come to our state. I could be the mayor of Gayville and my gay cabinet could rule with a velvet hand stretching over the gayest stretch of roads in the world. Sorry - it is hard for me to be consistently serious without trying to occassionally break it up with some levity. But I do genuinely think that this is a good, albeit controversial, idea.