BurgerFest-O-Rama #6 - Town Tavern

So the journey continues, but I really need to pick up my game. If not for any other reason, it is increasingly difficult to remember the highs and the lows of the burger experience as the time from my enjoyment of the experience increases. I guess if I forget stuff, I can just make things up because you'll never know - which is why today I'll be writing about the world's first self-levitating restaurant that also cures cancer in downtown Royal Oak, Town Tavern. A few weeks ago on a Friday much like today, my brother and I headed to downtown Royal Oak for lunch together. Unfortunately, this will also be my first review that doesn't include firsthand pictures of the establishment and food. I took the digital camera, but unfortunately the batteries were as dead as batteries can be. How is it possible that camera batteries are so consistently out of commission? That was a frustrating start to the burger lunch, but I will make it back there and take a few personal pictures to add to the website and my archives. Here is a boring stock photo of the outside sign, as well as a picture of what it would look like if it had been taken with my brilliant sense of photography. I did live with a photography student two years while in college, you know.

The Town Tavern is part of a small family of successful and very well-liked restaurants in the northern suburbs, including the Beverly Hills Grill and Streetside Seafood. The management team has identified a method of making their menus seem both somewhat classy and within financial reach for a night out. They don't produce the once-a-year or the once-a-week kinds of restaurants, but maybe more like the once every few months. They feel like upscale but accessible establishments and attract a slightly wealthier clientele. Another not very useful and far too thin picture of the interior:

Those frames you see on the wall in this very thin picture are mostly filled with old-school Michigan and Royal Oak photographs. I like that quite a bit, and you will always win bonus points with me by reminding me of my Michigan heritage. The service is typically attentive and crisp, and they normally serve complimentary bread to the tables. For some reason Steve and I were not given complimentary bread, which made me sad because it tastes like exceptional crazy bread. Sometimes restaurants have rules regarding what necessitates free bread (like a particular type of entree being ordered), but these rules, if they exist, were unclear and thus frustrating. I was in the mood for some crazy bread.

For the burger on the lunch menu, it quite simply stated "Tavern Cheeseburger* Bleu, Cheddar, Jack or Swiss", at a cost of 10 units. They don't include the type of unit on the menu, so when I tried to pay them in Legos, they were super pissed. Steve and I both ordered our burgers medium, not exactly knowing if fries were included or what types of condiments or toppings came on the burger aside from the cheese. The burgers came out a little slow, but when they came out, we were starving and ready to dig in. Here's a picture of Steve waiting for lunch. Hungry!!!

When the burgers arrived, they were almost completely disassembled to display the pretty and fresh lettuce and tomato. I typically prefer to have my food pre-assembled, so when I pulled my burger open to add the toppings and some condiments, I was confronted with the weird situation that the cheese was 100% stuck to the top bun. I'm not sure how this happened, but I find I greatly prefer the cheese sticking to the meat. There is some mystical chemical reaction that takes place when the cheese is attached to the meat that makes them both taste better, so the cheese sticking to the wrong component was not preferred. Some quick hits -

Pros: Half pound of meat, very fresh seeming condiments, running-down-the-hand-juicy, fries included in total price, very good fries, we both felt very filled after finishing our lunches, pleasant ambiance making you feel like you have money even if you don't, Michigan paraphernalia always a plus, food looked picturesque (see above photo)

Cons: 10 units is very expensive for a burger and the dinner burger is 11 units, tomato was cut very think and overpowered the rest of the burger, cheese stuck in wrong place weirdness, while fries were good, they were relatively sparse on the plate, inexplicably no crazy bread included, having to assemble the burger myself led to very messy and non-cohesive dining experience (I think I went to knife and fork at some point which is close to a sin)

We enjoyed the Town Tavern experience and I feel great warmth for any restaurant group that has tentacles around Michigan and constantly works to raise the quality of eating options in the area. However, at 10 units for lunch, I have had (only when including BurgerFest-O-Rama) better and far less expensive options. I've had other foodstuffs from the Town Tavern that I thought were worth every penny, but if you know you're in the mood for a burger, I would probably recommend you consider another option.
Is it ironic that I grew up Catholic and posted about burgers on a Friday during lent? As your mostly true fact of the day, this "no meat on Fridays" thing was invented to prop up the fishing industry in the land of Jesus. Go forth and eat meat.

BurgerFest-O-Rama #5 - Duggan's Irish Pub

This post marks the long-coming but triumphant return of BurgerFest-O-Rama. As I noted earlier in the week, I have not been updating at the necessary pace to complete all 40 burgers on the list, but with the way our local and national economy continues to move, maybe some of the places will go out of business and I’ll catch a break. Hilarious, right?


On inauguration day at the end of January, my mom, brother, and I hit the road for the 2nd or 3rd closest location on the list relative to our home – Duggan’s Irish Pub at approximately Woodward and 13 Mile in Royal Oak. Duggan’s is centrally located for the Woodward Dream cruise and often attracts mass attendance in and around Dream Cruise day with their huge and openable (not technically a word as far as I can tell) windows on the second floor of their establishment. I have been to Duggan’s many times both before and after going for BurgerFest-O-Rama, so in this instance, I mostly knew what it was I was getting into. I rarely eat the burger when I go there (they have a glorious sandwich that they call their “Italian Sub” which has a bunch of red salty meats and a ton o’ cheese to which I am fairly partial as well as a $40 platter of fried everything. On a side note, my family is a group of huge eaters – which you may be able to tell from this series of posts – and we were not able to easily complete as a group the entire platter of deliciousness) but I had my typical focus for this dining experience.


From my experiences at Duggan’s Irish Pub, I would say that it is about as outwardly and inwardly Irish as I am if I were wearing a Notre Dame sweatshirt (something you are unlikely to catch me doing). There is a redundant theme of green about Duggan’s, from the painting on the outside to the color of the seats on the inside, and they have a bunch of Irish-y and non-Irish-y looking knick-knacks plastered about the walls and a leprechaun kicks you in the balls if you don’t pay your bill, but that just about sums up the Irishness. Their building is quite huge for a restaurant - two floors, with the majority of the flat panels being up on the second floor with a wide-open floor plan. There are also pool tables up on the second floor and a few video and pinball game machines scattered around. Duggan’s is one of those rare establishments that provides as much free popcorn as you can consume (until guilt gets the better of you), so I often consume quite a bit of the kernel before my food makes its way to the stage. It is also one of the last of a dying breed, the remaining stronghold of Cruisin’ Woodward diners that sprung up when people would cruise Woodward on days other than the Dream Cruise. As such, they have purchased many recipes from many of these now-defunct restaurants and keep their names on the menu in memoriam. Today, my family kept our focus on their Big Chief burger, the Cadillac of Big Macs. If you’re wondering what the Cadillac of Big Macs looks like, it looks like this:


Pros: Burger holds itself together exceptionally well as a unit, allowing for both putting down and picking up the burger, the Big Chief sauce is something that you think you’d hate from the description of it but most certainly does not suck, bun does not look or taste artisanal but it performs its function quite well, in keeping with the theme – the fries reminded me of the Cadillac (ok, maybe Buick) of McDonald’s fries, toppings were portioned and distributed evenly

Cons: Were not asked how we wanted our burgers done (probably ended up a tad more than we would have wanted), cheese seemed distinctly Kraft American-Singles-esque, the meat all by itself had the tiniest bit of funk to it, like it tasted gamy (Steve agreed), potato chips are standard accompaniment for burger with fries being additional (really Duggan’s? potato chips? What the hell)

Of all the burgers I’ve assessed to date, Duggan’s is providing me with the biggest internal conflict. The Big Chief Burger is largely defined by its special sauce. This special sauce is a curried mayonnaise/mustard sauce. That’s right – curry + mayo + mustard. I’m not a huge fan of the basic curry flavor profile in general, but in this sauce and on this burger, it is a fascinatingly stellar combination. I would bet that my mom’s last meal would be a Big Chief slathered in its inherent sauciness – it’s just a really interesting and memorable taste. The biggest thing that stood out to me from the dining, though, was that because I ordered my sauce on the side, there was something…off…about the meat. It had that slight hint of peas that some foods acquire when something weird is going on. It’s hard to explain more clearly than that, but you know what I’m talking about if you’ve had some food with a slight hint of funk. The real tear here, though, is that the sauce dwarfs the off taste when added to the burger. The burger is largely defined by the sauce, but without the sauce there are some more significant problems. I can’t break my own rules on my ranking system so I can only give one final ranking to the burger. To only moderately bend the rules, burger+sauce (which you could argue IS the burger) I could be quite happy giving 2 Hamburglars, but it is too hard for me to overlook that one main element of “what is that taste?” in the meat and the fact that the standard accompaniment is potato chips, so I have to go with:

We had great debate on this topic within my dining group and my mom dissents and my brother half dissents with my opinion, but I’m the one who took the time to write up the review so I WIN. What do you think, my two readers mom and dad? Can I partially separate out the burger’s most unique and special component in assigning my final score? The burger with fries costs $6.95+$0.95=$7.90, but despite my final score, I do recommend trying the Big Chief with its special sauce.

BurgerFest-O-Rama #4 - Shamrock Irish Pub

The first review on Google Local declares "... The Irish pub is a nice spot to go to when I don't want to go to far from home. It's by my house and the people there are down to earth." Oh yeah, interviewer monique w.? Don't want to go far from home? That sounds like a challenge to me, Steve, and BurgerFest-O-Rama newcomer and good friend, Craig.

Shamrock Irish Pub is in downtown Utica (who knew Utica had a downtown?) on Auburn Road near Van Dyke. This part of the world is about 30 minutes from my home, and while you may feel that is a little bit excessive from a travel distance perspective for a burger, you are not on a mission greater than any mission since the moon landing, as I am. Don't blink or you'll find that you missed downtown Utica. Since it is break and reviewer monique w. put forth a specific challenge to my burger-eating crew, Friday afternoon was an optimal day to make the trip out to Utica. I thoroughly enjoyed BurgerFest #3 because it motivated me to go to a local restaurant that I have passed up time and time again. This trip is another major intrinsic benefit of these outings - I'm encouraged to dine at establishments far outside of my normal life radius. Off to the Shamrock Pub we go.

The Shamrock Pub is listed in The Free Press as a "Best Old-School Burger", which is weird because I never saw them eating burgers in Old School. The Freep calls out the burgers because "First, they're grilled over live flames; you can even see the grill marks. And second, owner Joe Mayernik gets his beef fresh daily from Eastern Market in a custom grind designed for cooking over fire." I like how cow meat can be made to sound fancy, like by referring to "a custom grind designed for cooking over fire." It's hamburger meat, lords and ladies.

The Shamrock Pub was not at all what I expected. I was thinking it would be a tiny, dirty, smoky, packed, but charm-filled location; more like a dive than anything else. It definitely did not have the feel of a dive. There were a few flat screens around the restaurant and some of the high tables even had those little speaker boxes where you can (for free) listen to the audio from any of the TVs. It was not huge, but spacious with high ceilings and exposed ventilation work. Even at 1:45 on a Friday, it was pretty busy, but we were lucky that we did not have to wait for a table. The only thing I would like to be changed, internally, about the bar is that the Michigan state legislature pass the FREAKING SMOKING BAN. Some guy was smoking like a wildfire right near the front door, blowing all of his smokiness into the rest of the restaurant. If you are unaware, smoking causes cancer, my readers. We were joined for the first time by our great friend Craig, who was also an active participant in our previous Tour De Nacho around Ann Arbor. He lives out Rochester way, so it was a convenient location for him. Let's all give Craig a rousing round of applause for his first attendance and take a look around inside the pub.

The menu itself is pretty minimal, though we didn't look too closely at it because of our laser-like burger focus. They had a reuben sandwich offering (I think this was the most Irish thing about the pub, though that's not a complaint by my book), burgers, fries, appetizers, and maybe some other things. The prices are phenomenal. A 7 oz burger starts at $3.95 with onion and pickles, for 30 cents more you get American, cheddar, or swiss cheese, and for 30 cents more you get lettuce, tomato, and mayo. That's a whopping grand total of $4.55. Fries are $2.50 and their seasoned fries are a tiny bit more than that, though I can't exactly remember how much more. We each got burgers with all the fixins (with varying degrees of mayo inclusion and ranging from medium to medium-well) and an order of regular and seasoned fries for the table.

Pros: As Craig stated and the table agreed, "This burger tastes like something that could come off the grill, but I could not make anything this good off the grill," meat cooked to perfect doneness all the way around, waitress indicated preemptively it would be easy for them to throw the meat back on the grill if we wanted to increase doneness, tomato uniformly perfectly ripe, burger could be picked up and put down and picked up again without problem, seasoned fries were a knockout, crazy inexpensive for almost half a pound of meat, friendly waitstaff, meat juicy but not annoyingly so, food just looked tempting

Cons: Bun a little bit soft - particularly on the bottom (squished down to very thin bun strip), Craig thought the fries were too-potatoey and I thought that the seasoned fries probably should have been the regular fries (regular fries were pretty under-seasoned), identification of need for refills a little bit slow, paper plates and plasticware seemed wasteful - maybe ask if we need before putting plastic utensils because we did not need them and probably had to be chucked, in Utica

For some reason, as soon as the food hit the table, we knew that we were in for a special experience, and we were not disappointed even a little bit. I don't know if they actually have some magical custom grind as is claimed or what, but we each found a little place of burger happiness at the Shamrock Irish Pub.

A new standard has been set, folks. For super extra brownie points for The Shamrock Irish Pub - my brother likes to be able to make it rain as quickly as possible, so he carries around his cash in a slipshod wad in his pocket. After we had left the building and were taking our outside photos, the waitress came rushing outside with a ten dollar bill and asked if any of us had left it behind. When Steve pulled out his mismanaged role for his part of the bill, a lonely ten slipped to the floor. He would not have known, and we would not have known if the waitress simply provided herself with a little extra sugar for having to deal with the three of us jerks. She did not, and we were impressed. The whole meal, with tip, set us back $25. That is not bad. 4 down, 36 to go.

BurgerFest-O-Rama #3 - Vinsetta Grill

One of the things I thought I would most enjoy about my epic burger eating adventure is that I would force myself (and maybe others) into experiencing a whole subset of dining institutions at which I have never previously eaten for one reason or another. One place on The Free Press' list in particular stood out to me for this purpose.

I am a creature of habit, and as such, I complete the same 4 or 5 mile running route every day. At about the 1.5 mile mark, I round a bend at the intersection of Vinsetta (one of Royal Oak's prettiest roads) and the great Woodward Avenue. The northeast corner of this intersection is home to the popular local eatery known as the Vinsetta Grill. Over the past five years, I have probably run within 40 feet of the Vinsetta Grill about 1,000 times, and yet, I have never eaten there. That statement held true until Sunday evening for family dinner. I'm not sure if a waitress likes or dislikes when all four members at her table order a hamburger.
The Vinsetta Grill is quite popular for it's traditional American fare, including dishes like ribs (several different varieties). I did not spend too much time looking through the non-burger menu as my sole purpose in life is meat-consumption, but the selections I did glance at on the menu and other's tables looked scrumptious. The main (and only) room was a fairly low-light environment with a dark-hue theme (blues, greys). This isn't a sports bar, but there are two TVs for all those who can not remove themselves from the current football or basketball game. It was also very clean, organized, and some unfortunate person spent a large amount of time attaching a festive Christmas tree ornament to every single intersection of the panelled ceiling. This must have created quite a cramp in this person's neck, but I approve of other's cramping for my satisfaction.
The Vinsetta Grill is called out on the list as a "Best Loaded Burger". If you trust nothing I say, at least trust that this place knows how to load a burger. Every burger is of the "make your own" variety where you check off your desires on a little sheet and hand the sheet to the waitress. They do not have any pre-selected burgers. I haven't seen options like this since a party I went to recently and dessert was a buffet of jars full of different types of candy. You can choose 1/3, 2/3, or 1 lb of beef, turkey, chicken, or veggie for your burger. Standard with the burger order is the choice of one of 10 cheeses (gruyere?), 4 toppings (20 choices including dried cranberries and hard boiled egg), and 1 sauce (18 choices like caramelized onion marmalade and sun dried tomato vinaigrette). Everyone in my family got something quite different and diverse, and I went with 1/3 lb beef with grilled pineapple, grilled onions, iceberg lettuce, roasted red peppers, American cheese, and soy-ginger glaze sauce. We also ordered one order of regular fries and one order of sweet potato fries for the table. The burgers hit the scene, and like I said, loaded (I recommend clicking on the photo below for a slightly higher resolution version):

This one is a hard one for me to review. The massive pile of toppings worked as both a positive and a detriment. As a general food-eating event, it was quite good, but as a pure burger experience, I found it lacking in some regards. I don't mean to say it was bad because it definitely wasn't, but some things were a struggle for me. There were so many toppings, the burger itself was almost entirely lost. It also may have been the toppings I chose, but everything on top of the meat kind of turned into a big pile of soft. The lettuce was shredded the thinnest I have ever seen lettuce shredded, and the texture of the lettuce was lost because of this. The sauce, which I expected to be pre-glazed on the burger, was served in a separate little cup. Because I poured it over the top of all the rest of the toppings, the sauce got all over the bun, the bun got super soft, and then the whole thing became pretty impossible to hold. Steve did not want to put the burger down for fear of not being able to pick it back up, and he ended up pounding the thing. The only way to counter the toppings would be to get more meat, but 1/2 lb is not an option and 2/3 lb is far too much for most people. A knife and fork became the standard operating procedure for the other 3 of us at the table.

Pros: burger loadability (like the burger gods threw up delicious topping options and they fell all over the Vinsetta Grill), best sweet potato fries I maybe have ever had, very courteous wait staff, all burgers initially assumed as medium unless requested otherwise, regular fries tasted like McDonald's fries (believe it or not, a huge plus for me), burger-in-a-bowl option for the carbohydrate conscious, local establishment that has stood the test of time, quick service, on my running path

Cons: meat was overwhelmed and could be lost in the fray, meat itself could have had more seasoning, cooked correctly but food not as hot as it could be, Steve and I had some red-ness in our buns (maybe blood?) and that was unexpected (hamburger buns. Don't be a weirdo), lettuce too thin, would have liked selected sauce pre-sauced

Again, I remind you that pretty much everything on my burger scale is a good burger (I have maybe only once eaten a "bad burger" and I'm pretty sure that it was made of asbestos but even still I ate the whole thing), so my goal is not to discourage anyone from eating anywhere (unless I have a truly terrible experience somewhere). The Vinsetta Grill served a great food product, but when taken purely as a burger, we have our first...
I have nothing against lots and lots and lots and lots of toppings on my burgers, but it is critical that there is the proper balance between the meat and the non-meat. Unfortunately, the meat lost the battle today, but I know you will enjoy yourself and your meal if you eat at the Vinsetta Grill. Until next time.

BurgerFest-O-Rama #2 - Miller's Bar

It is with some amount of trepidation that I attempt to assess experience #2 of BurgerFest-O-Rama, sponsored by Lipitor (note: BurgerFest-O-Rama not in any way affiliated with Lipitor). For outing #2, our merry burger-eating crew decided to take on the venerable (not vulnerable as I originally wrote) Miller's Bar in Dearborn. The reason for the trepidation is that Miller's Bar is well-known and highly-respected in burger circles; in fact, GQ columnist Alan Richman named it one of "America's 20 Best Burgers" and this list was featured and discussed on an episode of Oprah. Miller's is also the first burger mentioned in The Free Press' list. All of this leads to an intimidating burger experience, where it felt before even trying the burger, that our subjective conclusions would be certain to upset someone, somewhere on either side of the Miller's fence. I have also wanted to try a burger from Miller's for some time, but it has always been hard to convince myself that it was worth the 30 minute drive for a hunk of cow patootie - that is, without the great momentum behind BurgerFest-O-Rama (if you look closely, Steve is editorializing in the photo. I'm like a Highlights Magazine).
Last evening, our group expanded beyond Maureen and myself to include my brother (Steve), parents (Bob and Karen), and next door neighbors Sue, Stan, and Melissa J. At this rate of increasing attendance, we will have 512 people with us by outing #5. I am single-handedly going to save the economy. We got to Miller's close to 7:30pm and were greeted by a seemingly-lengthy line immediately inside of the door. This was one of those situations that you sometimes experience at eateries where you have no idea what it is that you are supposed to do to grab a table and order some grub. There was no name-taker at the door, no written instructions, no easily-accessible person to describe the process. There are other places around like Zingerman's in Ann Arbor that are very difficult for first-time eaters. I generally do not like to eat at places where the restaurant is too confusing for me because it makes me feel bad about myself. The system pretty much turned out to be wait in line and then when you get near the ambiguous "front" someone directs you toward a table. The problem with the line is that it is in a narrow hallway and the waitresses (who were all oddly wearing denim skirts) are running back and forth in the hallway and kept needing me to move my larger-than-average sized body. Here are a bunch of inside shots in a beautiful mosaic (clockwise from upper left, Miller's interior, my dad and Mrs. J, parents' booth, burger station).

Once you get seated, you have the following dining options: hamburger, cheeseburger (Velveeta or Swiss), fries, onion rings, beer (from bottles), soda (from cans), and bottled water. There are no menus, plates, or silverware at Miller's as far as we could tell. You place your order, consume your food, and then walk up to the cash register where you tell them what you ordered and pay only cash. It is an honors system in the most traditional sense, and I wonder how often they get burned for this approach. Now on to the food...My table ordered 1 medium hamburger, 1 medium cheeseburger, 2 medium-well cheeseburgers, three orders of onion rings, one order of fries, and 2 sodas (Steve and I have general objections to ordering non-refillable soda or paying for water). The burgers come with nothing on them but the meat and/or cheese, and they put some raw onion, pickles, ketchup, and mustard on your table as potential additions. Our feast:

Before I go into the food itself, I'd like to say that many people who have eaten here really seem to appreciate the Miller's "experience" and I think that this positively affects their appreciation of the food. They love that their only options are burgers and fried-goods, that there are no plates or modern civilities of any variety, and payment is all on an honor system. You go here because you want a burger, and everyone who goes with you also has no choice but to eat a burger. I get that Miller's does not offer toppings or variety because that is what they do.

Pros: I had no idea I would like Velveeta on a burger this much, simplicity of the product (no tomato, lettuce) really let the purity of burger shine, girls thought the meat was very juicy (boys less so), adults thought the beers were colder than your average beer, American institution, unassuming atmosphere, quick-moving line, tasted like I would expect an exceptional burger off of a home grill would taste

Cons: inconsistent cooking (medium burgers at our table to medium-well, medium-well closer to well resulting in some dryness), some topping options would have been appreciated by some, Maureen and Melissa had some type of floating lard in their soda glasses, some hard chunks of gristle in my burger, not enough "crisp" on onion rings and fries, no free beverage whatsoever

This series of reviews is mostly about the burgers, but also a little bit about the dining experience. With some higher dissenting opinions (my mom thought the burger was going to be her new standard for quality comparison and probably a 3 Hamburglar), I think we decided that the Miller's Bar burger will forever be known as:
Keep in mind, 2 Hamburglars is quite good on my scale. The problem I had is with the inconsistency of the product. If you want to crack into the upper echelons of the scale, you have to bring your "A" game every single time - or at least when you serve my table. Overcooking of a burger, while still quite good, is still overcooking of a burger. Adding in the hard chunks in my burger, the floating lard in the glasses, and the initially confusing seating process pushes Miller's firmly into the 2 category in my mind. I am not a picky eater or picky person (I am happy to eat a cookie I find on the ground or floor), but some things are hard to overlook. I think another way to think of the score is thusly: Even though the meal was delicious, I (and most of my party) would not be inclined to drive the 30 minutes necessary to eat a Miller's burger. This alone probably keeps them from reaching that coveted 3 or 4 Hamburglar status.

BurgerFest-O-Rama #1 - Bagger Dave's

And so begins the most significant and important quest of my lifetime - specifically, eating far more burgers than any reasonable person should intend to eat. During the 3rd quarter of the Michigan/OSU game, I decided that I had enough of watching the destruction of 100+ years of history and Maureen and I determined that today would be a great day to begin my quest to eat as many of the burgers called out in The Detroit Free Press as possible. Maureen lives out in Ann Arbor and the list focuses primarily on metro-Detroit burger spots, but I was able to manipulate the list ever-so-slighty. One of the burgers specified in the "Other Burgers Not To Miss Section" is from a relatively new restaurant on the Michigan scene called Bagger Dave's. The first of their restaurants opened in Berkley in, I don't know, let's say 2006. At the end of August of this year, they opened their second restaurant in Ann Arbor on Eisenhower Parkway. Even though the Berkley location is specified in the Freep's list, I am making up my own rules for my burger eating and felt that the Ann Arbor location would give me an appropriate understanding of their burger quality (or, possibly, lack thereof). Because this was the start of my adventure, Maureen took a photo of me outside of the dining establishment. Because I'm wearing gloves, you may think that I have my two least-appropriate fingers in the air. I assure you that this is not the case, and rather my index fingers are pointing at the sign with nervous and hungry anticipation. I promise.

Bagger Dave's name comes from the fact that they serve all of their burgers in these paper sleeves. The inside of the restaurant was quite clean and pleasant and had an unexpected kind of dark wood feel to it. The only weird thing is that some of the seating booths aren't exactly connected to the ground, so if you are sharing an opposing side of the booth with a person of heft, you may find yourself unexpectedly moving about on occasion. Bagger Dave's also has a functional toy engine train running around the top of the store. We did not see any crashes of the train, so I am pretty sure that they have a no text messaging rule for the train operators. Here's a picture of the train (speeding at a blur of bad photo-taking by me in the top of the frame) with Maureen.
Finally, time for some burgers. Because this is my first burger post, I am going to try to give a quick breakdown of the rating scale that Maureen and I determined with corroboration from my brother, Steve. Because I love even the crappiest of burgers, we have a slightly different scale than most may naturally assume, but I believe it will serve the necessary purpose. The scale is as such:

0 Hamburglars - Edible and enjoyable, but not altogether great burger. Think McDonald's original hamburger as the baseline for 0 Hamburglars.

1 Hamburglar - officially determined as "good" but not life-changing. Again using fast food guide, a 1 is probably closer to a Whopper. I would eat a Whopper any day of the week, but we're working on eating Metro Detroit's "Best Burgers"

2 Hamburglars - "Very good", as in "that was better than a Whopper but I'm sure better is out there"

3 Hamburglars - "Excellent", you would not kill for an excellent burger, but perhaps you would be willing to maim

4 Hamburglars - "The Best", while "the best" normally refers to the one to rule them all, we are going to allow a few of "The Bests" for the purposes of this quest because at a certain point, it becomes impossible to enhance a burger to further greatness. Otherwise, you are eating a burger in heaven.

Maureen ordered a "Create Your Own Legend Burger" with mozzarella, tomatoes, grilled onions, romaine lettuce, and one 3.5 oz beef patty (someone in the kitchen was feeling quite kind and provided her with two 3.5 oz patties, +1 for Bagger Dave's) and a sesame bun with a side of fries. I ordered the "Trainwreck Burger" as the most expensive item on the menu (at $6.99), and a burger I felt most adequately represented what might make Bagger Dave's special. This burger consisted of two beef patties, super sharp cheddar, grilled onions, sauteed mushrooms, iceberg lettuce, mayo, fries, and an egg - all on the burger. All burgers are cooked to medium-well, -1 for Bagger Dave's if you are the kind of person who likes to consume actually red meat.
Pros: Quality meat (never frozen), fantastic buns (I highly recommend the "Plain Bun", it tasted like it came from a bakery), relatively inexpensive for the quality of the meat experience, large circumference straws (highly appreciated by Maureen), good but slightly weird fries (they actually tasted like potato), onions neither under nor over-grilled, filled me up for $7 - and that is hard to do.

Cons: Inconsistent lettuce application - my lettuce pieces were chopped oddly, small, and kept falling out of the burger. Maureen's lettuce piece was under the meat which kind of cooked the lettuce and made it soft and wilted. Mushroom distribution uneven, if I did have cheddar on my burger as promised, I definitely didn't notice it was "super sharp", only five total fries included in the Trainwreck Burger. I imagined them piled high and smashed under the bun in potato-ey/meaty harmony, fries do not come with burger order

Based on the newly-devised Hamburglar scale, we rate Bagger Dave's:
I am very comfortable declaring this a 2 Hamburglar "Best Burger" dining experience. The food was affordable and enjoyable, but lacked the little things (like the lettuce issue) that really push a burger to the next level. Next up, who knows. I guess it depends on when I'm hungry.