Sunday, December 6, 2009

Reflections on Meijer

It has been a few days since I last sat down to write as it has been a pretty busy couple of days, so I bet you are excited to hear what I've come up with after all this time! Are you in for a treat today....

First off, how is it possible that the Meijer at I-96 and Middlebelt has Edy's Ice Cream not on sale for $3.86 and the Meijer at Haggerty and 8 Mile has the exact same product for just a shade under $6.00 also not on sale. Is it a demographics thing? A few years ago Edy's downsized their ice cream containers by several ounces but kept the prices on the items the exact same. This terribly angered both my sister and me and we contacted Edy's directly to demand an explanation about these shenanigans. We both received the same form letter saying that commodity prices had increased so significantly that it was critical for Edy's to either increase the price of the current product or downsize the product and keep the current price. After much testing, they decided on their current route and that we should go sit on it. They also included a couple of coupons for .50c off our next Edy's purchase, but my rage about this issue has not subsided through the years.

Last year with the crash of the stock market and real estate values, commodity prices also fell significantly. In my heart I knew there was no chance, but I considered the possibility that Edy's would decrease the price of their new smaller containers or increase the size. Of course this did not come to pass, but I wanted to hop back on the ringer with the good folks at Edy's and try to figure out why their explanation about their ice cream pricing did not work both ways. This is not the way business works and again they would have told me to go sit on it, but I always had a dream that I would get on the phone with some customer service representative and really let him/her have it. Now it appears as though Edy's has actually done something to align the price of their product with the price of their raw materials, but only if you shop at this one Meijer. For this $2/container savings, the Meijer on Middlebelt is now the only choice for me.

While on the subject of Meijer and other grocery stores, how is it possible that U-Scan technology does not work with the speed and efficiency of They-Scan technology? It's not that we're idiots, it's just that the scanning machines suck hard at the U-Scans. I dream of the day when I can pass my groceries over the glass pane with the speed and devil-may-care attitude of the regular cashiers.

And finally, how is it possible that the signature machines at the U-Scans possibly count as any sort of legal tender. Sometimes I write K-+-asdfAfasldfjasdflkj as my name (or so the screen approximately reads) and this is enough for American Express to grant me credit? Every time I sign one of those things I'm struck by the sheer terribleness of the technology.

I lied before when I said "and finally" as I'm clearly not done yet. How is it possible that two breads next to each other have a sell by date that differs by more than a week? Whenever I purchase bread, even after a thorough search, I fear that I have bought the bread with the closer sell by date, and that fear lives with me until mold starts to inevitably form on my bread. In addition to this, it adds minutes to my day to search through the various loaves in a vein attempt to find the one with the best expiration date. Same thing with milk.

Why does Cape Cod popcorn not come in even slightly bigger packaging options? Is everyone who eats Cape Cod popcorn a little person? Popcorn by itself is not a filling snack (though quite yummy), and I don't want to buy multiples of any snack just so that I can feel I have been snack-satisfied. At the very least, Cape Cod making corporation, give me a couple of size options.

Is there any way to keep the bottom of every single milk jug from having milk coating the bottom? Maybe they could just swap out the solid metal shelves for some wire shelves to allow for drainage of gross exploded milk.

I spend significant quantities of time thinking about Meijer. I still believe it is without a doubt the greatest store in the world, but I would be willing to consult for this Michigan-based grocery wonderland just to help to clean up a few of the loose ends.

And you waited four days for that.

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